funny or not 2?

Question

>A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they

>stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and

>there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last

>year." The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He

>mated 50 times last year."

>

>

>They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,

>"This bull mated 120 times last year." The wife gave her husband a

>healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

>

>

>They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in

>capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife, so

>excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said, "That's

>once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one."

>

>

>

>The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was

>with the same cow."
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Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I'll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby.
"I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."
The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. "What did the doctor say?" the victim cries.
"He says you're gonna die."
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Tale of an Irish Sausage
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro. Murphy said, "Hang on, I have an idea." He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage. Shamus said, "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!" Murphy replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.
Shamus said, "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!"
Murphy replied, with a smile, "Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers!"
They downed their drinks.
Murphy said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth." The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out. They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said, "Murphy, I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin'me!"
Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub!".
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CAKE OR BED
A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS, "HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW."

HE LOOK AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, "FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO."

"FINE," THEN THE WIFE ASKS, "WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT."

TO WHICH HE REPLIED, "FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?" "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO."

"FINE," SHE SAYS, "THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK."

"I'M NOT A DAMM CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS." HE SAYS, "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!!"

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS.................................... HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME. AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED. AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING. AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

"HONEY," HE ASKS, "HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?"

SHE SAID, "WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NI CE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME, "WHAT WAS WRONG?" I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE."

HE SAID, "SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?"

SHE REPLIED, "HELLOOOOO....DO YOU SEE SARA LEE WRITTEN ON
MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!"
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A Loving Husband...

A man from Seattle and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to

Jerusalem.

While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the

husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury

her

here, in the Holy Land, for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped

home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife

home,

when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only

$150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three

days

later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

Answer 1

all very funny. is wonderful thing u hv done for the patient to write and share with us. good job.

Answer 2

Got to agree, they are funny! Just not to appear too short:


When my sister Andrea got married, she asked to wear my mother's wedding dress. The day she tried it on for the first time I was sitting with Mother in the living room as Andrea descended the stairs. The gown was a perfect fit on her petite frame. Mother's eyes welled with tears. I put my arm around her.

"You're not losing a daughter," I reminded her in time-honored fashion. "You're gaining a son."

"Oh, forget about that!" she said with a sob. "I used to fit into that dress!"

Answer 3

LOL I loved # 3 & 4. # 5 was good. # 1 was okay, and # 2 has been waaay overdone.

Answer 4

Ha ha! Cute! Loved the one about the Sausage....

Answer 5

It's OK the song. I am not saying anything because it's you're opinion!But I liked it Little!

Answer 6

Freakin' sweet jokes! I loved them!

Answer 7

they are all very funny i liked them all i give them a 10

Answer 8

I REALLY like the first one and the fourth one... the rest arent bad either! Thanks for a good chuckle

Answer 9

funny

Answer 10

nice??!!