How do i get this girl im seeing to stop talking about her EX she has no reason to think about him cos im here, ive already given her sympathy and understanding that she was in a bad relationship ,but its starting to **** me off .makes me feel like **** . Is she trying to tell me something by talking about it all the time ?? or could she be still in love with him ??
2006-11-22 04:31:15 · 30 answers · asked by ajpaton505 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You must stop this immediately. Allowing her to talk to you about the ex is like expecting you to be one of her "girlfriends". As someone mentioned above girls tend to talk things over with their friends to understand them better. But whatever you do you don't want to be her friend. That equates you to a girl and she'll lose respect for you after that. Next thing she'll be bitching about you to someone else.
From now on be firm: tell her clearly you're not interested in this guy as much as she is and if she'd rather "chat about it to someone" she can do it with her mates. You want to have fun times with her and not live in the past. As long as you emphasise this with a degree of understanding she should catch on. Playing hard to get will also get her realising she's doing something you don't like.
Good luck
2006-11-22 05:02:59 · answer #1 · answered by charlie 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I came out of a very bad relationship and was still in a pretty bad way when i met my now partner. It took a lot of courage to open up to him about what i had been through but i had to do it because he needed to understand why i was the way i was and why it would take a while for me to trust and drop my barriers.
All you can do is show your support and give her lots of love. She doesn't still love him she's just completely screwed in the head about it and needs your help to get over it. Maybe she just feels that confident and comfortable with you that she feels she can talk about it. That's a really big thing.
But your right, enough already. You must tell her how you feel. But try it like this: tell her you love her, want to be with her and help her through this pain but you're here now and it's OK, there's no need to be scared anymore and it's time to move on.... Hopefully that will work without an argument occurring and you will gain even more brownie points!
If it doesn't suggest a councillor as you are not qualified to deal with this!
Good luck.
xxx
2006-11-22 04:53:44 · answer #2 · answered by Fay 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These things take time, hon, a sore relationship will niggle for quite a while after it's ended.
However, it's perfectly understandable that you're annoyed by it as she's clearly not thinking about you sufficiently yet.
I think she's probably still just hurting, rather than wanting him back, but be wary yourself. You might just end up being the sympathetic 'rebound fling' she needs to get her back on her feet, and that's not a good position for anyone to be in.
Try backing off a little, maybe just cool things for a couple of weeks, and see how she reacts. She should have pals to vent to as well, so she may start see you in a more desirable and less 'shoulder-to-cry-on' light if you play a bit hard to get... and if she doesn't, then you and she are probably after different things and both should think about moving on.
Good luck.
2006-11-22 04:50:11 · answer #3 · answered by SilverSongster 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long have you been together? If she has just recently broken up with him then she might still be getting over him. I know it can piss you off... i have been in that situation too. You keep thinking to yourself.. if he/she was so good at that why dont you just leave me and go back to it!
It all comes down to you need to tell her that it is upsetting you. You feel like you are being compared to the ex. Instead of saying everything that was good/bad about him...start focussing on me being here to help you get past that. It is hard to bring the subject up. She may get upset for you saying something! But in the end it all comes down to how much it affects the relationship. If she can start to focus on you and the good things you do for her... then it could all be better.
It just takes guts to talk about it :) Be honest and good luck!
2006-11-22 04:40:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes she is still in love with him and the only thing that will heal her is time. You have to be honest with her and tell her that you had enough of her stories that she needs to stop talking about him.
If you really like this girl and you dont want to dump her here are are a few things you do every time she mentions her ex:
Change the subject.
Suggest "lets not talk about ____ anymore"
or simply do things to keep her mind off of him. Within time she will get over him.
If she doesnt stop then you will have to tell her that you had enough of him and you cant see her anymore. That will definately stop her from talking abotu him.
2006-11-22 04:41:28 · answer #5 · answered by TroubleRose 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She hasn't moved on yet. She needs to give it more time to get over him, and i don't think its fair to include you. She shouldn't have got into a new relationship yet.
So, its up to you. It was her fault, but do you like her enough to get her through it....couple of weeks, i'd say. If she's still moaning, turn it into a "friends only" relationship until she is ready. If you've both moved on by then, tough, it wasn't strong enough in the first place.
examples.
One ex mentioned her previous name once in the first week..she'd gone out with him for 3 years.
One friend talked ( not moaned ) about her ex for 1 week, she'd been married for 15 years.
So, its quiet reasonable to expect people to move on fairly quickly if the new relationship is good.
2006-11-22 04:43:12 · answer #6 · answered by Michael H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She still loves him or she is just letting you know the things that hurt her so you won't do the same. If this relationship is something that you want to keep, then you need to talk to her about how it makes you feel to hear about her ex.
2006-11-22 04:47:20 · answer #7 · answered by tiffwadd77 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's telling you that she's either not over him or that she's trying to make sense of the relationship by talking about it (which is what girls/women do -- they talk about stuff in order to understand it).
In any case, if it's making you uncomfortable, you should certainly tell her so and encourage her to confine her remarks about her ex to her girlfriends. If she can't do that, then you're Rebound Man and you should cut your losses and move on.
2006-11-22 04:37:07 · answer #8 · answered by Karen L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she still loves him... Maybe her last relationship is still too fresh, and that's all she has to talk about... Maybe they had a really good time and a lot of her stories are about him... Maybe you make her feel better, so she keeps telling you stories so you comfort her... You have to look closer before any answer can be applied.
2006-11-22 04:36:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she just has a hard time letting the past go. Tell her that if she keeps hanging on to the past it is going to mess up her future. The best way to let go is to stop talking about it. Make sure she knows that you love and support her but enough is enough.
2006-11-22 04:36:20 · answer #10 · answered by heaven o 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋