My so called girlfriend wants meet with a ex-boyfriend that left her 3 years ago without telling her he was leaving. He just vanished. Now he calls her out the clear blue and she wants to see him for "closure". I dont understand. If he left her holding the bag 3 years ago then why would she give him the respect of letting him see her now? We have been in a 2 year relationship. And the relationship I am reffering to was 1 year before ours started. Comments and Answers please...
2006-11-22 04:27:07 · 16 answers · asked by stunston 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Go with her when she meets him. If he just vanished off the face of the earth without a word, that's odd. But if they broke up and he just stopped returning her calls and moved on, that's different.
I don't agree with her desire to revisit the past, but I suppose a compromise is you going with her. If she disagrees, I'd be ticked.
2006-11-22 04:33:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think women and men are different in their need to have closure in a relationship. She was probably very hurt when he disappeared and has had a million questions about what happened. Getting the answers, at least to some of her questions will help her heal. Be patient with her and remember this has nothing to do with her love for you. People walk around feeling like the "walking wounded" their whole lives, if closure helps her not feel that way, let her have it. Good luck to you both.
2006-11-22 04:38:21 · answer #2 · answered by P. C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a way of binding up loose ends, emotionally speaking.
She still has strong feelings of hurt that need answers as to why.
I understand this all too well. In my last relationship, my two lovers treated me poorly. I've figured out some of why, but not all. Knowing why would help me gain closure. Especially about why my ex-gf was so viscious at times, with little or no provocation or apparent reason.
The reasons I left them are still very much in effect, but understanding why will allow my mind to "drop the subject" as it were.
2006-11-22 04:34:53 · answer #3 · answered by Radagast97 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that looking for closure after three years is a little strange. Particularly, since the two of you have been together for the last two years. This sounds as if your girlfriend has low self-esteem and is insecure. You might want to ask her about that. Obviously, if he just dumped her and walked away without an explanation, that could have provoked these feelings of insecurity in her. However, if she were more self confident , his fast "exit" would have told her what she needed to know for closure:He's a loser.
2006-11-22 04:33:34 · answer #4 · answered by cheyennetomahawk 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's okay for you to be freaking out since their relationship ended soo long ago..but closure is actually needed...me and my b/f broke up like a month and a half ago on bad terms, then like 2 weeks later i called him up for closure and now were friends again...for me, the closure was to get rid of any feelings that were still there and to bring forth the friendship we had before..but then i realized i still liked him.....but thats my problem...anyways..i think you should support your g/f on having closure with her ex because who knows, she might need to know that she's completely over him and clear him rom her mind to continue her life with you...does that make sense?? sorry if it doesnt..
2006-11-22 04:38:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That sounds odd if she is in a happy relationship with you she would have forgotten about the ex boyfriend by now. It sounds like there might still be some feelings there and either she wants to make him jealous or she wants to see him because of the feelings. Either way if she was truly happy with you she wouldn't even think about seeing him she would have just told him she has a boyfriend now.
2006-11-22 04:34:06 · answer #6 · answered by Venus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It has to do with rejection. Plain and simple. When this guy "left her holding the bag" it damaged her self esteem. Even if things are going well in current relationship there will always be thoughts as to what happened in the past relationship and she justs wants to know why. I will bet, once she meets with this guy and talk she will be put as ease and will not need to have contact with him again. It's obvious she had great feelings for this guy. She loved him than he loved her. What you need to do is understand (or pretend to understand) and watch and be patient and trusting.You sound like a great guy. Hopefully she won't do anything to ruin what you two have. But, you must talk with her. Read her body language when she refers to him and the past relationship.
2006-11-22 04:38:03 · answer #7 · answered by i_squeeze 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When someone walks out on you without any explaination, there's alway nagging questions of why and all you can do is speculate. She may not have thought about this guy for the 2 years you've been together, but him calling her probably brought it all back up...and she wants answers...abandonment is hard to get over, and she deserves to know why. It's not about respecting him, but respecting herself. If you are secure in your relationship, you'll support her...if not, then you may lose her.
2006-11-22 04:41:14 · answer #8 · answered by spirittamer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would watch your back to be honest. Normally when someone needs closure it's because they still feel for the ex. If she had moved on and completely happy with her life now, she would have let it go by now. Why would she care why he left her?
2006-11-22 04:34:26 · answer #9 · answered by str8tequila80 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is way to strange in my book. After 3 years i would say that the case is closed and she should not care as to why he left. She should just be happy to be with you. sounds as if she never got over him and that the torch is still burning bright for him in her world.I bet the X just got dumped and had no one else to call.Sounds as if you might be getting dumped next.
how the hell did they get a hold of each other. She may have called him. There are many possibilities but if she goes i would go too.She is definitely in the wrong here but she will do it behind your back anyway. you are screwed man as it is a no win situation for you.
2006-11-22 05:30:27 · answer #10 · answered by irishlad 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋