How long do I wait to tell a date I may not be able to have children?

Question

I have a friend who has recently found out that she may not be able to have children ever.She wants to know how long should she wait to tell someone(in the future) this? Should she be right upfront ? Or should she wait a while. In a future relationships this is a factor and she worried about getting in to deep before she ends up getting her heart broke. Any answers would be appreciated. Thank you.

Answer 1

Look. If a guy loves her then he will understand, However if the guy starts about having a family then it's time, My wife can't have kids and she told me that on the second date and we have been happily married 11 yrs next week

Answer 2

I had a vasectomy young because I don’t want children, ever. I had such a hard time dating, as a result. I leaned to say it up front. Why, well because most women will end a date on the spot if they find out a man is sterile, by his own choice. I actually thought about not saying anything, and letting it be a surprise, but I could not do that.

I solved the problem. I just put a personal ad on the internet. I said in my add, that I don’t want kids, and had a vasectomy, and I would like to meet a woman that does not plan on having children. I waited for women that don’t want kids to come to me. That is how I met my girlfriend (whom also is sterile by choice).

Sure I got some silly questions like, “Does it still work”, or “Are you sure you would not be willing to have your vasectomy reversed”.

Anyway, your friend should have no problem. Just think she will never be the “baby making slave” of some male chauvinist.

Answer 3

When things start to get serious.... and it really depends if she is 100% sure. I have a friend who went throught the same thing- she is sick and will end up crippled in a wheel chair by the time she is 40 and can not have children. She never shared any information about her diease until it moved to a more serious level. She is happily living with her boyfriend now, who loves her. I also was kinda in the same boat, my FI had a large tumor removed out of his head and almost died from the surgery. He didn't tell me about it until when we were serious.... it was really hard and scary because he is high risk for another tumor or brain cancer but we worked our way through it and are getting married next year. Sometime it's better to wait a little bit because you can really scare person off with information that turns out to be not such a big deal.

Answer 4

Tell her that she shouldn't ever have to bring it up. Cause 1- if she tells someone that does want kids right off the bat, they probly wont give her a chance, but if they got to know her, by then they might not care. But she'll be able to tell the difference between the guys out there who someday want kids and the ones that dont, or maybe she'll be better off with a guy that already has kids (but no wife/lady!). And I had a friend who said the same thing, and 2 years later they had a baby, and by that time, he didn't care cause he was already in love with her

Answer 5

I'm struggling with this myself, I am dating this guy for a few weeks and it's looking like we may be together a while... but yeah I want to be married *eventually* and I know this is an issue that can make or break it. I want to bring it up but I'm very nervous about it. Partly I don't want to freak him out like I'm thinking too far ahead, but on the other hand if having kids is important to him then we shouldn't get too involved because it will just end it heartbreak..

No good answer, just wanted to throw in the "you're not alone" thing. :)

Answer 6

You should never hold back such a important topic when it comes to dating. If the man you are talking to really wants children it isn't fair to him not to give him the choice to make on whether to stay with you or not. Don't be selfish, get it out and talk about it. You never know he might not want any either or maybe adoption is an option in the future.

Answer 7

Are you prepared to throw each and every thing you have away over a bite of paper and a hoop? that's what you rather could desire to ask your self. From what it sounds like, you have a happy, loving dating...he purely isnt waiting to stroll down the aisle, and that i cant say I blame him with him in basic terms being 25. i recognize you threw the ultimatum available, in general in view which you have been peeved he sponsored out on the 1st plan, yet I easily think of you ought to offer him extra time. inspite of the undeniable fact that, if getting married to you is THAT significant (and that i recognize for ninety 5% of girls this is), then you somewhat could desire to take a seat with him and make a timeframe this is desirable to the two one in all you, and make him understand that when the time-physique is in place, you will possibly prefer to stick to it, or you could desire to locate somebody else who will fulfill your desires of having married, in view that he has chosen to no longer. easily nonetheless, if hes taken the stairs of asking your dad and making plans, i think of he's purely stressful approximately being youthful and tied down....I guess he will come around.

Answer 8

In order to refrain from getting too involved and getting hurt, this is for both parties, then she should mention it by the 2nd or 3rd date. If she waits too long then maybe she wont be able to give the bad news. If she does it too early, then it might be TMI for the guy.

Answer 9

There is not any reason to tell someone that until the realtionship turns to more intimate, serious stages. Until then, you don't have to tell every guy your business. But if you start having feelings for someone or visa versa, you need to speak up. It's only fair.

Answer 10

I think "might not" means it's still a possibility. She should wait to discuss this when she and the guy are close enough to talk about similar topics: marriage, children, raising kids, family.