PLEASE HELP.....my mother in law is the devil in disguise.........?

Question

she has never liked me since my husband and I have been together. Its been 15 years since I have put up with her ****.....too many stories to share,, but she is just evil with me. I have finally decided to not welcome her to my home anymore, and not see her, or be around her. Now,, she is making me look like the evil one AGAIN. I say again, because I keep trying to make it work with her for my husbands sake,, and our children. My children are another story with her as well,,,,,,she ACTS likes she cares about them,, when she really doesnt. Her and I just dont click,,,, I think she cant stand me, cause I dont let her bully me around......what to do?????

I wanna thank everyone for your responses....very much appreciated.
FYI: have already tried to kill her with her kindness....she still acts like a *****.....I try and let it not bother me.... but she continues to be an asshole. My husband is aware of her,,, and he supports me.

Answer 1

You don't have to verbalize anything until she crosses the line. Just live your life when she calls you should speak with her but only in facts. "how are the kids" you say "good" and tell her any new developments with the kids. You do not have to be friends with her. If she ever brings it up then you can tell her that you prefer not to get involved in pissing contests with her and that this is exactly the reason why you don't have any personal contact with her. But anything you say will come back with you as the snake. She is the matriarch of that family. As long as your husband sees her venomous ways and doesn't blame you or take her side then things should be fine. I wish you luck I have one too and i have learned to ignore her, my husband supports my decisions.

Answer 2

some mothers never adjust to another woman taking her place with her son. shutting her out may cause you more problems, it might give her the edge with your husband. I think it would be to your advantage to get your husband to realize you need his help with HIS mother. 15yrs is a long time and with children involved it can get ugly. You might want to try a little reverse psychology and start making her think its not affecting you this way. The one thing i wouldn't do is make the children aware anymore than they already may be, you might be cutting your nose to spite your face. If your husband is willing as he should be, send the kids out and have a talk with just the three of you and come to some type of agreement you can all live with, if it doesn't do any good you will have been the better person for trying and also know exactly where you stand.
don't give up.
best of luck,

Answer 3

You did absolutely the right thing by eliminating the toxic relationship. It's not healthy for your family. I am sure your husband understands.
Next time she does come around, tell her to back off. It's your house, not hers, put her in her place and show that you can stand your ground. Because she will continue if she senses a "weakling". You only have to do this once. She seems like she wants confrontation, don't let her have it. Thats what she thrives on.
I am familar with this, I used to practice how I would answer in front of the mirror.

Good luck to you, you sound like a strong person. Have her for lunch.

Answer 4

Kinda complicated with grandchildren involved. Are you sure she doesn't care about them or do you think you might feel that way because you dislike her so much ? There's only two choices - cut her off as you have, or get some family counselling. Sometimes even professionals can't help and you have to cut ties, but if there's any way you can promote a better relationship for the sake of the kids, try.

Answer 5

Well, as far as the children go. If she wants anything to do with them, then your husband should be there to handle that. If she comes to your door when your hubby isn't there, then I would tell her to come back when YOUR husband gets home. There is no reason why you should have to deal with her directly. How come your hubby hasn't talked to her about it...I mean, it has been 15 years? And it is his mother. When she makes a snide remark, ignore her...don't let her think she is getting to you, sounds like that is what she wants. Or one of these days, come out and tell her that her being rude to you, is not bothering you, but she needs to think about what it is doing to her son. And say that you and him have been together for 15 years, so if she is trying to break you two up, it isn't working. Good luck! :)

Answer 6

The best way to handle her is to use reverse psychology. Kill her with kindness its always worked for me. Make her face you, she's the problem not you. Don't hide from her to give her what she wants. Don't take it personally that she doesn't like you. That's her problem. You love her son and your children that's all that should matter. It's not right that she mistreats you but if you stand up to her she just might back down. Your husband should stand up for you too. In my opinion, if you put her in her place she won't bully you, disrespect you and your children. So I think its best for you to just put her in her place at first (kindly), then be as polite as you can even though you'd like to tell her what you really think, but you are better than she is and don't want to put yourself at her level. That sets a good example for your children unlike your mother-n-law. Good luck and Happy Turkey Day! Please don't let her get to you she's not worth it. :)

Answer 7

If you have not heard of Mother in Law Jokes, then you should try to find them. That seems to be a universal problem. And it is a shame, that there is very little guidance on the subject. I have also had one and she is no longer with us. It was difficult whenever she was here with us, because she made it so. There were two daughters that she stayed with, and even there caused difficulties and division. That was the kind of person she was. Her life was difficult and sad, and she seemed to lash out on anyone that was there. The grandchildren should get to have a relationship with her, and Happy Thanksgiving

Answer 8

why fight her battle?no matter who is right you are wrong,so why fight her battle.I am sure you could have let this go years ago but you've kept your self right in the middle because you feel you are right and she is wrong.How's that working for you >not too well ?leave that women alone and delight in the fact that if you say nothing she can't abuse you and if you try to be nice to her anyway and you have to be as phony as she so be it,at least you'll look good to your man and everyone will start to notice that she is being a ***** and you are being taken advantage of,switch your game and play smart,there's no sense in making you and your family fall apart and she will be there until she's dead so try a different way and good luck.

Answer 9

Well, it's unfortunate. There are two sides to each story, but I am hearing yours, and based on that, here is my response.
It seems like you have tried your hardest. You may go ahead and cut off your ties with her and tell her that she in not welcome in your home, but I would not force your husband or your children into not seeing their mother/grandmother. If your children are over 12, I would leave the decision up to them though, if they don't want to see her.
I would make an effort to try and explain to your husband what brought you to that decision. Specific examples, like positions she has taken, comments she has made, help that she has failed to offer, are facts you should supply him with, as opposed to general subjective statements, such as she is evil or we don't click. While, ultimately, his loyalty should be to you, he deserves some calm rational expose of your problem and your decision to not let her bother you anymore.

Answer 10

Well first of all you married your husband not his mother. You don't have to care if she likes you or not but you do deserve a modicum of respect, especially when she's in your home. You don't have to be outright ugly to her but you don't have to kiss _ss either. I would avoid her as much as possible. I had problems with my ex's mother when we were together but he at least would put her in her place when she was wrong. She hasn't gotten any better since his passing but I don't have to deal with her anymore. You need to talk to your husband, talk not argue. If you two present a united front, and he lets his mother know that she can't push you around, it will at least keep things in your home more peaceful. You can't let your relationship with her ruin your relationship with your husband. Unfortunately there's probably nothing you can do to change her but you and your husband need to stick together. Good luck.