What to do when a visitor / friend stays too long?

Question

Hi all, my friend has a strange problem. She just moved to a new place and she found a friend. This friend has been very helpful and friendly during their move to this new place. The problem is that, she is now at my friends place all the time. Both are home makers. She is at my friend’s apartment for hours. My friend has tried excuses like I have some work, cooking, laundry etc. She comes back and says that she will help too. My friend is stuck. Do you have any ideas or proper manners to tell her to leave? My friend like this woman and doesn't want to lose her as a friend.

Answer 1

tell your friend that she has to talk to the "visitor" and tell her how she feels. she needs to tell her in a nicer way "I have a life, and I need privacy."

Answer 2

I had a similar problem with a neighbor and she thought that she was welcome for 3 to 4 hours every evening. One day some one else came over to take me to the store. She never offered to assist me in this fashioned. I was very sick and still not well. She made kind of a smart remark 'What have you been doing. I just let it fly out of my mouth what the H** do you think i have been doing. I am sick woman. So far she has stayed home and i hope she continues to because if she can not be considerate of me then she should not expect any better treatment. Some people are not able to comprehend that there are times that you do not want to be bothered. I try to be nice but i am not going to be uncomfortable in my own home!

Answer 3

I have a very similar problem... a friend invites herself over all the time and I simply don't want/need company 4-5 days a week. After working and taking care of the house, etc, I just don't feel like it. She will also try the "I'll help" trick but I learned my lesson on that one! Plus she is annoying.

Anyway, I just tell her "No, sorry, I'm not feeling social today and I have a lot of things to do, perhaps another time."

If she is already at my home and I am ready for her to leave, I just say, "Well, OK, time for me to get started on dinner/laundry/etc so I'll see you later" and I get up and usher her to the door.

The ONLY way to deal with people like this is to be direct and to the point. There is NO other way to get through to them.

Any decent person will understand that your friend isn't being rude, just that she is busy. I also like to "back up" my stories by making sure my friend understands that I am anti-social and often prefer to be by myself.

Answer 4

I'm probably not as high society as you are but here's how I would handle the situation. I would say, "I just feel like being alone right now", as sometimes I do. I'm sure she'll understand. But ever think of the reason why she hangs out with your friend so much? Probably because she has no other friends and is used to being around people all the time. What I would do is help her make some more friends.

Answer 5

For family I would say a week at the most. If it is a friend that you have not seen for a while and they came out to see you specifically I would say 2 weeks. If it is just a friend that is mooching off of you I would say 1 day at the most. If it is family that has come to help you out, i.e. taking care of the kids because you just had one I would have them stay for however long they wanted to stay.

Answer 6

The best way to handle it is talk to the women. If your friend is not honest with her, the neighbor will continue to come around until someone blows up. She could also not answer the door or phone. If she knows she is coming over let her know you only have a few minutes talk and then she has to go. If she can't be honest with the friend then she was never one in the first place.

Answer 7

your friend really needs to set some boundaries.....her new friend sounds nice even if she is a bit clingy.....i think that if they truly have a good frienship then the friendship will survive some honesty and some boundaries...i would tell her how appreciative i am of her frienddship and all the help the woman's given me and how much i value her and our time together, but let her know that like all people i also need my alone time and that i prefer to make plans or schedule time together than to have her popping over all the time.......if she is a true friend she'll understand...if she still is overstaying her welcome, then your friend needs to decide whether it's worth having her as a friend or not

Answer 8

I have this problem with family members after having a baby, I feel her pain! What I do is tell them "Ok, well I think baby has had enough excitement for one day and mommy needs rest." I guess its easier to have a scapegoat and when its family so this might not help too much but its an idea. Or she could say "I've got some errands to run or things to do why dont I give you a call later?"

Answer 9

Yes, it's all about politely asserting oneself, standing up (or looking across the table) and saying, "well, I love our visits, but, I need to blablabla, so you have to go now". I have a busy girlfriend (a foster parent) who says things like this to any/everybody all the time, it's no big thing, just part of smooth communication and nobody takes offense at being given their cue. Exit, stage left.
If the person saying "it's time to go" is at ease with it, so will the listener be.
Be brave!

Answer 10

i feel that her friend doesnt have any friends and well ,likes her company lots well what she should do is 1-gether a boyfriend
2-talk to her and ask what things she likes and get her a hobby,or just sit down with her and tell her look i love your company and that you are such a helpfull person but well sometimes i like just to have along time with my self and its good to have a space in friendships to go out with other friends and to just have time for them selves.

Answer 11

"Look i like you as a friend and i want to keep you as a friend but i need some space." That should do it.