this happens even if the fight is the silliest one ever, everytime i am angry and stop talkin to him or avoid his calls, he goes ballistic. Most of my fights are because he adds his own woes to my already sad life when im depressed and low and instead of cheering me up ends up making things worse for me! I should add that otherwise he is a dream boyfriend and does things most girlfriends would die for. He loves me the most and im the only priority in his life. Everytime i stop talkin he says he is going to punish himself for hurting me and scares me to death and so i have to succumb and make up sooner than i would want to.I love him too but this thing about him really puts me off! How do i deal with it? Please help
2006-11-22 03:24:08 · 31 answers · asked by Pretty Toes 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
First of all stop fighting for silly things.secondly why should you stop talking to him when you are angry,talking to him may help you to calm down & forget your anger,further it is possible he calls you to patch things up.
If you want him to hear your woes you must be prepared to hear his too,you may end up helping each other,that I think is the first principle of any relationship.
You yourself said that after your fights he threatens you to punish himself for hurting you.It is possible that he is a bit over-possesive but you too may have become uncommunicative during such instances & he blames himself for your being uncommunicative with him.Tell him the reason for your sadness & ask him to help you solve them.If he is as good a boyfriend as you say he is,then there should be no reasons for you two to fight.
Problems can always be solved among reasonable people.so start being reasonable to each other you will be able to solve majority of your problems
2006-11-22 04:55:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am in the same relationship for 2 1/2 years we have been breaking up and making up. it's a control thing and neither of you are looking at the others problems instead you see your own and that's it. i do the same thing because i am very depressed and have trust issues but i love my boyfriend more then anything. i wish you the best of luck and when you have those days just include him and tell him that your life is off beat right now so please let me have my space. if no communication is going on then nothing will change. you have to be willing and try your hardest. i know it's hard to deal with your own problems and then your boyfriends problems too but that is a relationship. thsi will make you or break. good luck and if you ever need to talk i'll listen.
2006-11-22 03:32:34 · answer #2 · answered by lover143 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you don't want to hear this, but this guy is not good for you. He may be the greatest boyfriend in the history of boyfriends, but he is always going to use it against you when you fight. Whatever is wrong with him, is not something that can be fixed. It's an underlying problem. If he says he is going to do harmful things to himself when you are hurt, he's controling you. You will begin to not allow yourself to feel hurt...even worse, that is how domestic violence starts.
Before you start giving in to everything and losing who you are, take a long look at your relationship and ask yourself if you could spend the rest of your life with this guy...even if he continues to act how he is now. Could you tolerate that forever.
2006-11-22 03:30:20 · answer #3 · answered by brianwerner1313 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about trying to work on yourself (I mean this sincerely). You obviously scare him as well by cutting off communication with him and if he is this in love with you he wants to work on any issues that you are having with him or you are having in your life. Part of being in a good relationship requires good communication. He can't guess what's wrong with you or if you are in a depressing mood. You have to speak up and say honey I'm not feeling good today and this is the reason. Would you please spend some time talking with me so we can work together to make the day a better one.
Simply put it has been said time and time again to us women (who just don't seem to get it), men are less complicated then us and less emotional. They don't like drama and they want it simple ... if your man asks you what's wrong don't sit there and say nothing and make him guess as to why you are in the rotten mood. If you say nothing he instantly thinks ok then maybe she wants me to stay away or she's mad at me, if you are looking to be consoled and he's thinking your mad at him. The last thing he is going to do is try to hug you or talk to you for fear of being rejected and angering you more.
Talking it through with him is going to get you alot further then clamming up and making him wonder. Get over the I'm not done being mad at you attitude and make the effort. Learn this now and suffer less later in your relationship.
good luck sweetie
2006-11-22 03:36:05 · answer #4 · answered by dribble 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has so many great qualities, why do you refer to your life as "sad"? He knows you are vulnerable and takes advantage of it. I have seen this type many times before, you have to be strong enough to understand you can live without parasites like this. You think you are the only priority but thats what he wants you to think, get real dear ok???? The chances are good that he will not hurt himself, he just knows that it gets to you when he says it. Develop thick skin and get some starch in your spine, because you are gonna need it with this guy.
2006-11-22 03:30:12 · answer #5 · answered by dramafreak 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly i think that is terrible, maybe tlak to people he is close with to find out if there is any meaning to this. It could be just empty threats or maybe there is something more than you know. I also think that making telliuing him that it scares you and really tears you up would help, just talking about it and being open, and if that doesnt help relationship couselling always works too. Sounds like a keeper other than that!
2006-11-22 03:30:26 · answer #6 · answered by amiea r 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you turn a silly problem into a serious one and make things difficult for him and yourself? He is overprotective and emotionally high strung. You should understand that and behave reasonably and not stop talking at the slightest difference. That way you will also be able to gradually convince him to behave more reasonably. After all he is the guy of your dreams.
2006-11-22 03:34:45 · answer #7 · answered by Modest 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please, please be careful. You are dating a monster. He is manipulating you big time. The fact he says he is going to punish himself for hurting you is sick and dangerous. Did you read that? DANGEROUS! People like this can in a heartbeat go from threatening themselves to harming YOU.
From your writing you don't seem too young. If you are still in school and living at home, explain this to your parents and have them handle the breakup. I am serious, your so-called great boyfriend is psychotic. If you are an adult, immediately break it off. Be prepared to change cell number, your address, even your job if need be.
2006-11-22 03:38:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
bottom line, u'v probably ended up makin a bad choice, it does happen..not everything we do in life turns out right..right? stay away from him but dont make him feel ure avoiding him, answer his calls but dont be intimate, make him get the message that you dont want to b around him anymore [ if thats what you want now ] or if u dnt want to part, stay away from each other for a while, say a week? think over the things, m sure it'll work out ..
2006-11-22 16:08:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs help and so do you....this is how many really dangerously abusive relationships started....be very careful and if I were you...I would let my parents know and make a clean break from him....this will only get worse with time....be careful and good luck
2006-11-22 03:28:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋