Is the desire to have biological children primitive?

Question

As in other recent posts on this subject; I am struggling with my wife's decision to deny me having bio kids. I know it’s selfish, but I want blood children. There are thousands of needy children, the world is over-populated, I will love my adopted children and wonder how I lived without them… but part of me craves my own. I look at pics of my gdprents, my gt-gdprents & my whole family tree, what they have done, how they worked hard for our family and I am so proud that I came from them. I love that I hv the same curly hair as my uncles and my dad, I love that my aunt and I are both so pathetically sentimental, I love that I am stubborn like my dad and that my mom and I dance jigs in the kitchen while the rest of the family stares at us. There is something about being related in blood and finding those roots, connections!
Is this a primitive survival instinct? Should I just get over it? I know adopting children will be a beautiful, rewarding, life-changing event, but i can't kick this.

To try and address some questions, my wife doesn't seem to have the same instinctual urges to have a bio child as me. She also doesn't want to wreck her body and so thinks my desires are selfish (ie my selfish desire to have a bio child will wreck her body). Its her body, i understand her perspective but it creates a big problem for us. A suggestion has been to find a surrogate mother but it kinda blows my mind to think some woman i don't know will carry our child just because my wife doesn't want to.

Answer 1

NO, it is a normal instinct that both men and women have(at least most men and women). Adopting is a great jesture but I am wondering why your wife wants to adopt if she can have her own. Why not have your own and adopt one to have your family. Where is the compromise here from your wife? Just wondering. Good luck

Answer 2

What i'm questioning in the experience that your husband is on the comparable internet site as you're with no longer wanting infants precise now. You the two are already aggravating approximately what you 2 would be lacking out once you grow old, do no longer you think of that what you pronounced, it extremely is your answer? you're actually not getting any youthful, yet becoming old. Plus, regretting something which you probably did no longer do would be a great remorseful approximately to you the two that your marriage could have issues and then the blaming starts off to creep in the two considered one of your lives. you will not choose for that should you? you're saying you're a instructor and you're around young ones all day long, would not or no longer it extremely is astounding to return abode and be inclusive of your very own infants which you and your husband can instruct and love 'at the same time'? yet this time around your toddler would be yours and your husband and no person else. that's the only difference. sure, the clock is ticking! only carry infants into your lives once you choose for to have them there with you, to nourish them, instruct them, cradle them, convenience them, snicker with them, feed them, substitute their diapers, watch them advance, and to love them. The clock is ticking.

Answer 3

Instinctual, maybe, but certainly not primitive. Desires are more than drives precisely because of the emotional component attached to them; that we, as a species, have evolved beyond the point of functioning purely on instinct to include how we feel when making decisions. There is nothing primitive about wanting children that look like your grandfather because his genes are in there.

You truly have my sympathy; I hope you and your wife can work past such a fundamental incompatibility to work toward a compromise.

Answer 4

Wow thats deep.what are your wives reasons for not wanting Biological children?Is it her age maybe or some women are just totally scared of childbirth and wrecking their bodies.I know first hand cause my Sister N law is that way.So women feel a greater fufillment having rescued a child.I dont exactally know her reasons but i do know that if this is that important to you then you need to deal with it or you will eventually resent her.I think you should talk to someone.I truely believe that your requests are not primitive yet they are reasonable.I know when I look at my children and notice we have the same toes or my yougest daughter has my husbands temper or his blue eyes it fills me with a sense of accomplishment like if anything were to happen to his I have a piece of him that will grow and continue to evolve.