How can I get over my overwhelming insecurities that seem to be running my life????

Question

Im insecure in my marriage, as a mother, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a wife.......
I never feel like Im good enough.
I always feel like everyone else is judging me because I am overweight. I try to diet and exercise but always end up giving up.
I fear my husband is no longer attracted to me(I wouldnt blame him either) and will find someone else.
I fear that my kids arent getting all out of their lives that they could.....I could go on and on.....
Any practical advise anyone????

Answer 1

It is 100% normal to be self-conscious and insecure about certain things. If your family and friends are truly your family and friends, they couldn't care less about your weight. They may care for your well-being, but it's not like they see you and say, "Wow, she is overweight." You may think that they do, but that is just the insecurities playing up.

As far as giving up on dieting, that is similar to my story. It is hard to find the time and motivation to exercise, and the will power to diet and not eat your favorite foods. So my advice is to start a little at a time. I started my diet first by eating oatmeal and toast for breakfast, and 4 smaller meals during the day. A couple weeks later, I switched over to 5 meals a day...etc... I also drink as MUCH water as possible!! So start small and get big. It will make it easier. Same goes for exercising. Start off by doing it for a short amount of time (maybe 20 min)? Then, build up to 30, maybe 45 minutes... I know eating healthy and exercising has not only dropped my cholesterol, but I have lost some pounds. But it is important to diet because you want to be healthy, rather than to lose weight. I personally think if you go into it wanting to lose weight, you will be more depressed if you do not see results like you want. It becomes the focus of your time and attention, which I am sure you want to spend on your husband and children. Dieting to feel better and more healthy will get you results, but it won't put as much stress on you. This is how I think about it...

As far as your husband not appreciating you, does he know you feel this way? I think you should let him know how you are feeling, and I guarantee you he will ease your pains about that! You could always surprise him with a weekend getaway to a hotel, or even a night getaway. That way, you show him you love him by surprising him, and you also have an opportunity to have one-on-one time with him, where you can tell him how you are feelings. Communicating with him will make you feel better!

As far as your kids getting something out of life, give it time! I don't know how old they are, but kids don't really "get" something from life until they graduate and start college, or the military, etc... High school and previous schooling are not really meant to be very demanding. Yes, there is homework. But I was an A student, and I remember playing The Sims on the computer for 3 hours a shot! So I definitely had more free time than I needed. If you are worried, I would research groups or organizations for your kids to get involved in. For example, get them involved in a charity. Or encourage them to join a student group at school. Your motivation may give them the "kick in the butt" they need to possibly get a little more out of life. But remember, they are just kids. We don't want to make them grow up too fast! :)

My advice to you would be to talk to your husband and kids, first and foremost, for the ease of your pain. I would also try talking to a psychologist, counselor, etc... If these insecurities are strong enough so they are affecting your daily living, then the problem may run a little deeper and that is something a trained professional will know how to deal with. And don't worry about seeing a 'shrink.' I have been to one, my friends have, my parents have... You are not going because you are crazy or anything; just so you get things off of your chest, and so the counselor can give you some suggestions on how to reduce your insecurities.

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 2

I'm sorry you feel that way. I always do too. Now my children are older and I divorced my husband because he was cheating on me.

I still have my horrible insecurities and understand exactly how you feel. I hate to go to work in the morning because I feel that there must be something that I haven't made perfect at home with my house or my fiance or my daughters. It eats at me all day and I require constant reassurance from everyone, which must be bothersome to them.

I'm still working on trying to make myself believe that I am a pretty and sweet woman, a decent mother, a good lover, a concientous employee and nice to be around. Some days I actually believe it.

I hope that someone posts to you with a good idea, because I would love to know how other people deal with these crippling insecurities. They really make life hard and painful.

Good luck and God bless.

Answer 3

My best suggestion would be to go and see someone about all your insecurities. A professional will be able to give you the tools you need to help fight your insecurities (it doesn't have to be a psychiatrist or anything, just a counsellor or psychologist - and it's nothing to be ashamed of).

I have been suffering from insecurities myself and have learned that it only pushes people away. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't overcome them by myself. Now I am seeing someone and she is helping me to understand why I do the things I do and she gives me tools and exercises to do to help me overcome the obstacles I have built in front of me. It's easy for someone to say to you to 'just get over it' but it's not that easy. You need to understand why you set up these obstacles in front of you and truly realize what you are doing to sabotage your own happiness.

Answer 4

maybe you fell like that because your doing too much. maybe you feel like you run out of time and their is still so much that needs to get done. your not doing enough for your self if you are thinking about everyone else. it doesn't take much to get out and get a pedicure it will help you in so many ways. get a facial or a massage maybe go and have lunch with a friend. take a day off from your everyday stress and that time to get a way will help boost your energy and esteem. i feel the same way at times but i spend tI'me on my self and it helps. you feel beautiful even if its just your feet it helps make you feel more feminine and sexy im sure your husband will enjoy your pretty feet too. try it .

Answer 5

Get out of the house and do something useful, if you don't already have a job. When we have interests, it keeps us happy. Friends help too.
If you're a new mother, it could be post par-tum depression. Or it could simply be depression.
Go see a doctor. Your kids and your husband love you. You are just being hard on yourself, your self esteem is low.

Answer 6

Keep venting and talking, best thing to do!

Practical advise would be to go see the doctor and tell him/her what you just wrote here....

Answer 7

sounds like your suffering from low self esteem, find a good counselor and get to the bottom of this.

Answer 8

just spit out your insecurities and leave it alone.. it only makes u mentally and emotionaly sick.,it doesnt give you any benefits either.. just trust your self and dont let your insecurity eat the whole you!