My son and I have started battling!?

Question

My son is 17 mos old and he is now out of the "baby" stage where he just cries to cry but he is now starting to test us with the tantrums. How do you win these fights without feeling like a bad mom. Everytime I either let him cry or put my foot down for real I feel so guilty. Especially with the eating part, if he wants a popsicle at 9 in the morning I will give it to him, and at dinner he refuses to touch a vegetable, period. and my husband is the one who thinks we should force it and I dont. i mean how do you force a 17 month old to eat veggies without shoving them down his throat. My side of that is there are things I dont like at 26 years old and no one forces me to eat them, so why should he have to eat peas, maybe he actually doesnt like peas. What to do without being overwhelmed by guilt

Answer 1

Wow, you sounded like my wife for a second. She is also 26 and our son is 17-months old. She feels the same way you do. She doesn't like to 'put her foot down with him' because she feels bad. She has never spanked him, but I have with no problem. When I tell him to do something and I say it forcefully, he listens. When she tells him to do something, he usually doesn't listen. He also throws fits with her but not with me. You're just going to have to realize that he needs your authority more than anything. You have to gain his respect or he will 'walk over you' and get away with whatever he can. Don't feel guilty because he will still love you and they grow up so fast. His mind will only retain events that happened for only a few days. Get control of him now before it's too late.

Answer 2

This is really a two part thing for you. The first is that your son is learning to control his world, and you are at the center of it. I had the same problem times 4! ( 4 kids here ) Tantrums is his way of controling a situation. For the most part, if I was at home and my kids started in with a fit, I either walked away or put them in their room. In public, I would warn the child that if they didn't stop, we would leave where ever we were, no matter where we were and then I followed through with my threat.There were many days when I left the grocery store or library ect. without what I went there to get. But we have to show them we are serious. In my opinion popcicles at 9 in the morning is not an acceptable option, but I am abit of a freak when it comes to sugar in the home, thats just me. But if you don't want him to have it tell him no, give him an option.... ie a fruit snack, apple, ect.... and if he still pitches a fit, pick him up, put him in his room and tell him he stays there until he has calmed down. Some say 1 minute for every year they are is how long they should be punished. That is personal opinion on your part. The second part to this is making him eat whats in front of him. I have 4 kids and none of them liked the same things when they were younger (talk about making meal prep hard) and what I do is to make sure there is something on the plate that everyone will eat. They no that they have to eat dinner but that I won't force them to eat what they don't like. I also make sure that the portion of what they don't like is abit smaller then the others so that they don't feel so overwhelmed by it. Supprisingly enough, over the years, most of the things they thought they hated they now like. And I honestly think they tried it because they realsied that they didn't have to eat it if they discovered they didn't like it still. Good Luck to you, from one mom who hates peas, to another! LOL

Answer 3

About the food: There are only two things a child can control - what they eat, and toileting.

Fighting over food entertains children and destroys parents. You will NEVER succeed in forcing a child to eat something. It can't be done, and trying is traumatic and senseless.

Keep is simple for yourself - provide healthy meals at regular times. He will eat if he is hungry. Give him a babies' multivitamin twice a week if you really think he needs it. The popsicle: No. Just don't buy them anymore. Have healthy snacks like fruit and yoghurt. If they aren't there to scream for, then he won't scream. Pick him up and show him the freezer - there aren't any there.

Keep it simple for yourself, don't stress too much, you cannot force a child to eat, just offer him healthy food and encourage him to eat it. There's nothing more you can do.

Good luck. And skip the guilt. Guilt doesn't do anything useful. I'm sure you're a great mother.

Answer 4

Don't feed him anything that's not good for him. If he refuses to eat it, eventually he'll get hungry enough that he'll eat it. Popsicles, etc. should be a treat that is had once in a while, not on a daily basis.

If you don't put your foot down with him now it'll be harder when he's 17 years old, not 17 months. He'll be mad at first, but he'll get over it. It's not something to feel bad about, it's part of being a parent. You'll feel worse when he's 17 and mad when he doesn't get his way, and is unhealthy because he never ate his peas.

Remember that with his tantrums he's testing you to see how far he can push you...don't let him get anywhere with it. Don't teach him that if he screams loud enough over nothing that Mom and Dad will come in all the time to see what's wrong, or that if he screams when he doesn't get his way that he does get his way. PLEASE don't teach him that. It drives me crazy to be in a grocery store and see the kid want candy, and scream about it and the parents just put it in the cart. Put your foot down, you are the parent and he is the child.

Answer 5

This right here will show you what type of a mom you are going to be...A child doesn't need a Popsicle in the morning. If he doesn't like peas ( I know alot of people plus babies that don't like peas I have 10 nieces and nephews) give him a different vegetable, I have always read when feeding them something new stick with that food for a week or so, so that you may see if that baby likes it or if he is allergic to a new food by looking for a rash ect. Leave food on a kid size table so he may get it like snacks only when he has eaten what you want him to give him animal crackers...gold fish...raisns...pruins...healthy stuff. A baby wont starve himself if he gets hungry he'll eat it but stick to a new food for a week or so to see if he likes it and later on introduce the foods he didn't like because sometimes there taste buds change. One of my nephews on my husbands side will only eat fast food and nothing else and has been that way since he was a baby cuz they gave him what he wanted he will now eat chicken and pizza that isn't fast food and of course junk food too. He is in 1st grade now and has had problems with the school because they don't allow junk food at all not even on birthdays, Christmas or Halloween or healthy stuff cuz of the children being over weight and he is over weight too. He has already had dental work done but they wont listen to no one but his grandmother does the same thing to him and my husband is a picky eater too. I told his mom that our child will not be like that and they will only feed what I allow or they can not watch them if I don't trust them, my husband agrees with me too so does he's other sister and for the rest of his sister's they are the same way by letting there kid have fruit snacks all day long ect..... If you don't put a stop to it now, your kid will keep on and you are going to be known a a push over......~ Good Luck~

Answer 6

I totally understand where you are at, I have a daughter who is 2 and a half and "battles" are distressing.
Witht the eating, the more you try to force it, the more your son will dig his heels in and make mealtimes a struggle. With my daughter, Samantha, she has what is put i front of her, if she doesnt eat it then she doesnt get a "dessert" or a substitute meal.
Dont let him eat anything too close too mealtime that will interfear with his appetite, so that he is hungry and will eat what he needs.
Making mealtimes relaxed and enjoyable encourages a healthy eating experience for all and good eating habits. If it is stressful for you then it is for him too. I hate eating when upset or anxious.

Make the meal fun by arranging the food attractively and colourfully, my daughter calls broccoli trees.
If he doesnt like something one mealtime, leave it a few days or so then try it again. Children are very faddy and go of things all the time only to like it again later.

Try getting him to help, my daughter loves taking the salt, pepper and other condiments to the table and anything else you think he can help with. How about getting things out the fridge for you and putting them away again. Kids love to help and be told how useful they are. Then at the mealtime you can say he helped you to cook dinner.

All the best, mostly try not to worry. Relax it will improve, he is starting to develop his own will and its difficult fot him as he still needs you but wants to do things for himself, when he wants.

Answer 7

Remember who the adult is. You are the boss pretend you're a seregent-major and he's a soldier if he doesn't learn he could get himself and others killed (the motivation for soldiers to learn well) you have some thing more imporant to mold. Your son's future personality. If he learns to respect authoritity and automatically do whats right he will be WAY ahead of other kids very shortly. It will stand him in good stead for life.

Flintstones vitimins can't replace vegetables, besides they have the horrible of making you want to stop the car with your feet :)

Answer 8

Okay, first, it is time to realize that you are now a parent. You are responsible for making the right choices for your child. Your child cannot make informed, healthy, useful decisions for himself.

It's not putting your foot down or being mean, it is called being a parent and you better get it through your head right now. If you want your child to eat veggies, you feed them veggies, they eat them or they get really hungry and then eat them.

You will do more damage to your child by not helping them develop into a balanced human being than by saying no and possibly hurting their feelings. You need to see that you are doing what you are supposed to do by teaching your child how to behave and what kinds of food are healthy, etc.

Answer 9

Be a good mom teach him your in charge swat on the butt or mabby you could just give him a simple time out or the corner. Dont feel bad for teaching your kid how to behave people will respect you and your kid more. Your in charge dont let them think they an get away with anything thats wrong your the parent not them.

Answer 10

stop giving him junk food and he will eat whats on his plate as he will be hungry.Also if he knows you will give into him he will play this for all he is worth.you are not a bad mum if you do not do everything your son demands at this age,in fact I would say you were being a bad parent if you pandered to all your childs whims.You know what is best for him ,he is only 17 months old remember.