i have 4 yr old twin daughters they have massive tantrums i need help not verbal but practical any ideas?

Question

I cant even begin to describe their tantrums they have them on a daily basis and usually include the following they punch themselves pull their hair out and i mean by the handfulls claw at their skin smash their heads against anything nearby and even make themselves bleed no - one can stop it when it happens and sometimes they go on for up to an hour with the screaming and self mutilation i don't know what else to do i am wondering if there is somewhere i can go to get practical hep and guidance

Answer 1

Super Nanny

Answer 2

I always have to wonder about an adult who claims they can't handle a child.

Kids act up because they are getting what is called in psychology a "payoff". They are being rewarded for their behavior. Usually it's being paid attention to by their parents. Even getting yelled at is better than no attention at all in a child's world. It is at least acknowledging that they are there.

When your kids throw a tantrum, tell them from now on they will be put in a room by themselves and they are not allowed to come out until they can behave. If they cry or scream so what? If they make a mess, they can clean it. They are not too young to do so.

The key is that once you start this, you have to do it EVERY time or don't even start.

If you don't love your kids enough to raise them properly then maybe you should ask yourself why? And if you can't answer that question, then you should consider professional help.

There is no reason in the world why an adult cannot control a child unless there is something mentally/emotionally wrong with the adult.

Answer 3

I would definately call and aske your pediatrition if this level of tantrum is normal. Most trantrums are out of fustration. Try to find out what the source is and try the RCRCR approach. Remain Calm, Remove, Contain, Resolve (RCRCR) it is what helped me.
Remain Calm: Always Remain Calm, don't get angry, frustrated or fearful, you are in control even when if feels like everything is out of control.
Remove: Remove them from the sitation. The best thing is not just to ingore them it is to remove them from the enviroment or thing that is causing the tantrum.
Contain: Contain them in a safe enviroment away from harm. (including each other) Take them to a place where they can not hurt themselves. Car seats are a wonderful thing. Also learn some basic holding positions. I took a class at my local hospital.
Resolve: Resolve to speak to them and to find out what is bothering them. Find out what the frustation is and try to remove it. If it is that they need alone time, try to shcedule visits to a friends house or daycare for one child and spend time with the other.

It may not seem to make a difference at first, but you will notice a difference in about a week or so. I know it is hard. Also you will start to notice the warning signals to a tantrum starter. I know that with my girls. When it got really bad, I had to buckle them in their car seats in the middle of the livingroom and sit on the couch or go into the bathroom (nearby) until the storm broke. It was hard and it takes time but hang in there.

Answer 4

First of all atleast in the state I live in erinjl123456 is wrong they dont automatically qualify for in home services just because they are twins. I know because I am a twin and I also have twins.

I would say just like everyone else too maybe as their doctor. Since they are mutilating themselves this is a physical concern for them, a well being thing not just a "I hate to listen to you cry thing".

My twin sis and I threw some good fits as kids. Once breaking every lightbulb in the grocery store!! Have you tried taking them out seperatly for "alone" time? Its quite possibly they are both seeking individual attention. I know as a kid I almost hated being a twin because you were never "your own" and we fought constantly to be noticed as an individual..

Answer 5

I have a 3 1/2 year old who has his share of tantrums, however that does seem excessive. I'd check with the ped and see what they say. If mine gets in full force mode, I just put him in his room and tell him he can come out when he has calmed down. Somehow, these tantrums are being reinforced with attention. I know it's hard to ignore them, but that is what I have learned helps.

My ped recommended a non-proft organization in our area that offers parenting classes. They were so helpful. They even have a hotline! Maybe they have something like that in your area?

Answer 6

I think because they are twins they qualify for assistance inside the home just for being twins. You should probably contact:
A- their doctor for referrals to these services in your area
B- set up for pediatric counseling in a pediatric center
C- find out about in home respite care
These people will help you and your children on a personal level with your children.
In most cases these programs are covered by insurance or free.
As for now I would think the best you can do is separate them when they fight so they know its unacceptable. Have them take time outs in separate rooms. If you know which one is the "real fault" for a fight.... punish that one a few minutes longer. Then explain when the time out is done why they had one and come up with a resolve for helping it not happen again.

Answer 7

It is always wise to seek help from a health care provider. I have a three year old and we use a naughty chair or space for timeouts. I set the timer for about a minute per year. Then I ask my son," Why are you in the naughty chair?" I want him to know what he did wrong and why he has been punished. I have put him in his room and let him cry it out at times. I also use a paddle at times. Your problem seems a bit severe. I would also separate them during these periods so they do not support each other in this behavior.

Answer 8

After you get this checked out by their ped and maybe a child psychologist, here is a method of "holding" that worked on my daughter. She is autistic and has in the past thrown fits so bad that I swear she was going to split her skull open (she use to throw herself on the floor and bang her head) With your arms, wrap them around your daughter's legs and arms, wrap your legs around her legs, sit there and hold her until the tantrum passes. This will keep her from hurting herslef. If need be, have your husband/sister/family member hold the other one if she is throwing a "fit" at the same time. Explain to them that you are doing this to protect them and that you will let go when they calm down. Be prepared to re-do this when you let go because they might go right back to what they are doing.

My daughter was throwing these fits due to fatigue. She hardly ever slept. We have her on clonodine now, and I have not had to hold her down in more than two years.

Answer 9

I know the feeling and sympathise. Try this hope it works. get down to their level in a low voice ask whats wrong twice if the carry on ask again and if this still doesnot work say still in a low voice if you donot stop you will go to.... choose a place for a timeout then place them there for 1min per year of life. After that go back and see if calm down if not tell them unless they do they can stay there. Believe me it will work eventually after they do calm down get them to say sorry and give them a big hug. It does take a while but will work as long as you stick to it, and make sure each time you also ignore them while on the time out.

Answer 10

I would talk to your doctor about this. This is not normal. Let them talk to a child shink and get a cat scan maybe there is something wrong mentally that can only be fixed by a low dose of medicine. Also look at the at home life. If there is alot of stress that is in the home ie) you and your husband fight alot. These girls may be trying to tell you this. But I would seriously get them to a doctor ASAP