difficult 4 year old?

Question

I have a year old son, he was the most adorable food baby and my first but since the age of 3 he has absolutely changed, he has a tendency to answer back, never listen to waht Iask him to do, scream when I take him shopping, run off in the mall, throw tantrums if he does not get his own way (which is mighty embarassing in public), he never talks to his teachers, is agressive with his toys,tells me and his dad "you are not my mummy, you are not my daddy", never says thank you. I n a few words I can not control him anymore, does he need a specialist.
Above all in the flat he scream sso loud teh neighbour has called the social services, so Icannot even lightly smack him on his back side,because he tells people I hit him.
All of this is destroying my relationship with my partner, help.

Answer 1

that's a very difficult boy you've got but i guess all the things he's doing now are just part of growing or maybe he does need special help. ask his teachers if he's being bullied at school because sometimes bullying can cause a lot of problems in little children.

Answer 2

Firstly, every mother and father understands that embarrassing feeling when your kid throws a tantrum infront of strangers and even in the home, Whilst I am not a parent (yet) I have helped raised my nephews and nieces. I find the best way to stop this behaviour is a bit of disipline. When your child realises that by his tantrums not getting the attention he wants i believe he will stop... for eg try putting him in time out when he is naughty (usually a minute for every year old - so in your son's case 4 minutes). Another reason is maybe this is a cry for your attention... have you got him in a routine eg fun time, bath time, bed time? Maybe every afternoon you could spend an hour whether it be taking him for a walk around a block or to a park or even to watering the garden together... praise him for the good things and dont give him your whole reaction to the bad things. Does he read books or draw? You could even buy a scrapbook from the shops and make a book together... Just a few ideas... Also you mentioned your neighbours called Social Services. Why not ask their help? When your partner is home watching your son. Go knock on their door and explain the predictament your in... Most people jump to conclusions when they dont know the facts... perhaps your neighbours have kids of their own and might also have some pointers to pass on... Dont give up !!!

Answer 3

What he needs is consitent discipline. Stop taking him out in public. When you go to the mall leave him with a baby sitter. Explain to him WHY, "Because your behavior is inappropriate and no one has to put up with it." Then follow through. Don't take him for a few months. My daughter LOVED going to the mall for our walks, it had nothing to do with the shopping, she enjoyed being around all the people and was a ver social child. She acted up ONCE, at that moment I took her home and didn't take her to the mall again for three months. She finally assured me that she wouldn't act up and so out we went. She was almost perfect...There is NO NEED to hit a child, that is only teaching the child to be violent. As for YOUR relationship your child is more important than a realtionship. If you feel otherwise maybe you should put the child up for adoption.

Answer 4

Stay strong and treat him like an adult. Make him understand yelling at you gets him NOWHERE, but I guarantee he is only mimicking you. So talk to him how you want him to talk to you. Don't acknowledge tantrums tell him when he calms down you will listen. Otherwise ignore him until he does. Let him yell in his room until he's ready to talk to you like an adult. If its not ok for an adult to treat you that way why would it be for a child. Do not give in or else you encourage more of the same bad behavior. When he calms down show him he can get what he wants when he's calm. If its something that could hurt him speak to him calmly why you don't want him to do that. But most of his behavior is learned by the way you talk to him. If you yell at him he will yell at you.

Answer 5

if you find the right kiddie psychiatrist he can turn your kid around in a few days but you have to change your life too. usually kids tantrums are learned from their parents. you have to be less histerical around the kid or they learn this is acceptable behavior and try to out tantrum you and usually do. you kid needs something contstructive to do when you go shopping. he needs chores at home and in public. he can "help" shop but letting him just sit will give him time to tantrum. keep him busy and keep your temper in check and you will be amazed at how fast his behavior changes.
people generally talk down to their kids and kids pick up on this. try talking to him like you talk to a co-worker. an adult/child relationship is kind of like a business partnership if that makes sense? they expect food/clothes/shelter out of you and you should expect something of them. when they realize they are important and maturing then they act like they are. keep him doing things that interest him but gradually esclate them. if he likes to read get him bigger books every time you go to the bookstore. he needs to feel like he is growing into an adult and most parents don't provide this. you get people in their 20s and 30s that are still juvenile. my cousing entered a very businesslike partnership with her 8 yr old when her husband died. he handled it a lot better than the older brothers and he was moms emotional protectorate. when you kid has a job to do then hes going to feel better about himself. she taught her oldest son how to cook in the microwave at 4 -- he learned what buttons to push to cook and learned to count 2 minutes before taking it out, things like that. he is "cooking" for the family and that is something he viewed as important. and you can't do things and tantrum at the same time. i think i am repeating myself.

Answer 6

sounds like he needs a time out are there other kids?If so he most likely doing it to get action from you if time out doesn't work i started taking things that he likes away that's really helped me and if that don't work tare his butt up!

Answer 7

Did you discipline him before? Ask for help from your case worker & see what she reccommends.

Answer 8

Congratulations, you have a completely normal child!