My son's three, and he says at times that his stepbrother - they go the same daycare, and are together four nights a week - hits him. I know this kid, he's a brat to be honest; and my son's much stronger and kinder than he is, so I'm not concerned. I know they are always well supervised.
Thing is, once when my son mentioned this (it's mostly to check the reaction he gets from me) once I said impatiently, "Hit him back and then go tell Daddy or the carers".
I was tired, and I know it was a silly thing to say.
BUT, I also want him to stand up for himself. I can't have my son allowing others to hit him. What do you teach your children about this, in terms of self-defence?
Yes, we all know that violence is wrong and I've never even smacked my son, we don't watch any tv, we are anti-violence - but at the same time, I don't want him to be the sweet kid who never hits back when he's picked on. You know what I mean?
Is there a balance? What are your thoughts?
Thanks.
2006-11-21 19:33:33 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
The person who answered, first, blasakur is it, that is a great answer. I think I will copy that. It is the kind of balance between pacifism and self-preservation that I was looking for. Thank you.
S M, thanks for your thoughtful response. I know my son is sometimes making this up, and I know he is closely watched at care. The carers always tell me if the stepson has in fact hit him, and it isn't often. He is never bruised or hurt in any way. But I sure get your point. Thank you.
2006-11-21 20:05:14 · update #1
I tell my kids if someone hits them tell them STOP really loud. If they don't then it's OK to hit back as a form of self defense. NO WAY is my kid getting hit because he is scared to defend himself. I was raised that hitting is wrong and you don't hit back even if someone is hitting you. I think that's a terrible way to set up a victim child.... let them learn later on in life to turn the other cheek but not in grade school.
I am applying the principle used for police when making an arrest... they are supposed to warn STOP POLICE before shooting... and if the perp doesn't they may use force.
My kids were 2 and 4 when we discussed this last.
2006-11-21 19:45:15 · answer #1 · answered by bluasakura 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is really an issue for both the childcare centre carers AND your family. The centre should have a policy for dealing with behaviour such as this. You must tell the childcare centre straight away that this is happening - don't think for a moment that just because it is his step-brother that this should go un-noticed or shouldn't be considered as 'serious'.
Keep a written record of the days this is happening and check for any marks/bruises etc, also note them.
Your son needs to tell the carers as soon as it happens. He might feel like he is 'tattling' but i'm guessing he doesn't like getting hit all that much either - and the more the other kid gets away with it, the more violent he will get with a lot more other children which can then lead to all kinds of legal blackholes!
More than often, violent children are mimicking things they have seen or been allowed to get away with at home.
As for 'self-defence' your child needs to feel comfortable in approaching the carers and letting them know what is happening - he's just 3! He shouldn't have to 'defend' himself (esp. when he is in the care of paid 'professionals') he should be enjoying his time learning, playing and socialising!
If you don't feel comfortable talking to the carers straight away, you possibly could bide your time until you have a a few instances written down to discuss with them.
Don't demand a response or solution straight away - give them a day or so to think it over and then see what solutions they can come up with and offer you and your son. They may not know it is happening, so it is best to give them time to talk to each / confer, come up with a plan.
I would probably mention it to the step-son's parents so that they don't feel like you are going behind their back and making accusations which may or may not be true at this stage. As with the carers - don't demand a response straight away, tell them and then give them time to think about it / question their child and get back to you, then you can start working on a solution for outside centre times when the two are required to be around each other.
Nip this in the bud now before it goes any further!
2006-11-22 03:56:25 · answer #2 · answered by S M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well it just depends on the end result you desire. If you love your child explain that we resort to using force as a last resort. But in the case of a child that keeps hiting and keeps hitting and keeps hitting. Tell your child that the next time his stepbrother hits him
at care to knock the living hell out of him. I had this same problem a few years ago. My son at the age of 3 was being bullied at a day car and told his mother about it 3 or 4 times and she would say son do not hit him back. The problem got worse
until i told my son get him. The next day the bully hit my son and my son jumped on his back and took him down and them beat him for about 3 licks. Now that sounds like a shame but here is the rest of the story. No one has picked on him sence. If you live in a small town your son will go to school with these children for some time. So it is better to get your bluf in at the age of 3 then be punished for 12 years of school because people think they can mistreat you and you will take it.
2006-11-22 04:07:10 · answer #3 · answered by adsdetailing 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think i'll be telling my child to turn her back on them but not move away. if another wack materialises, turn round and do a karate kick! no - only kidding! but i will teach her how to ignore effectively, the main thing is to keep her 'power' and not be afraid. it is a far more powerful tool than hitting. if it hurts then to tell the teacher, incase she needs a plaster, and because hurting someone is bad... so the teacher must know about it.
i will be getting her into karate classes when she is 5 though, to give her a good grounding in self defense and control. i'm a long way off all this though, so i might change as she gets older.
with regards to your son, it sounds like he is handling himself ok, and isn't too intimidated by it so don't worry about it. if things get bad, then start to worry.
2006-11-22 08:05:08 · answer #4 · answered by sofiarose 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him to avoid being around him and if that didn't work, then tell someone, and then if an adult doesn't resolve the problem, then he can defend himself. I'm like you, violence isn't right but neither is allowing others to treat you like crap.
2006-11-24 22:11:56 · answer #5 · answered by mikeyswifeyof4 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'll say hit back simple
2006-11-22 04:25:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats good things hit him back is what we all would of said
2006-11-22 03:47:57 · answer #7 · answered by treatau 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋