Is it wrong to give too much too early in a relationship?

Question

I fell in love quite quickly with a girl. I felt a natural urge to 'give' to her in a non smothering way while still respecting her need for her own time etc... She doubted me and questioned me in many ways early on and I thought that if I kept on giving, that she would see the real me and stop questioning and doubting me... I guess I thought that love was the answer, but clearly it wasn't and now I feel resentful toward her as I have given so much of myself and haven't received the same kind of support and love in return. Maybe I bought this on myself by being too giving in the beginning...

Answer 1

In every relationship, there is a giver and there is a taker. The takers feel smothered and the givers feel slighted. It's an age old problem to which there is no right answer. Here is one way to consider it, though. You gave all that you could and tried to the best of your ability to maintain the relationship. In other words, your gift to her was yourself. She chose to accept your gift, but felt no obligation to return it. So now you can walk away with the knowledge that you did your best and she has to deal with the guilt of hurting you. Stay true to yourself and don't let the selfishness of someone who is not ready for love discourage you. Hope this helps.

Answer 2

I think it is very important to ease into a relationship with someone so that you can see what type of person they are before you invest your whole self in them. I know that this can be hard when hormones are raging, but long term relationships are based on trust and respect which must be earned over time. You cannot resent her because you gave and she took. If you where giving to get something and you did not get it, thats the breaks. You should always give because you want to give, if you have an agenda then you are setting yourself up for disappointment and in my opinion it is manipulative, like trying to get something on someone so you can later say "But I did so much for you" like they owe you. I do believe that there are rare instances where love just happens between two people, but that is not always the case, for the majority of us, temperance and patients are always good ways to go when entering into affairs of the heart. I am sorry for you pain and hope that you do find a strong and lasting love. Good luck.

Christchild

Answer 3

mmm hmmm, "non smothering way" can be a bit subjective. Chalk about 75% of it up to her past. And the next time you fall in love, hold back a little, unless you really know you were doing the right thing.
Maybe next time balance it out so you're giving as much asa you're getting; and if you're not getting what you want out of it, you'll know she's not the right girl. Because you won't be able to trick or bribe or even love her into loving you more.
Only by having integrity will you be able to build a strong relationship. Love should be the end - not the means.

"Cuando el amor no es locura, no es amor." - de la Barca?

Answer 4

Mister,

To start off, I'm gonna work from what you said: "and now I feel resentful toward her as I have given so much of myself and haven't received the same kind of support and love in return"

First off, yes - it's wrong to give in too much early on and secondly, do you love her? or know what love is? Read your statement again. You feel resentful for not receiving the same kind of love in return.

If you really love someone, you'll give them unconditional love. I'm not bashing on you, but I'm sick and tired of people claiming that they're in "love" when all that really is, is obsession or just lust.

Answer 5

Every relationship is different. What I do is go along with their pace. When they give information, I then give information in return. The only time I ask them for information early on in the relationship, is when something is important to me. If a partner asks me for information, I tell them in small bits at a time. I dont usually give away too much unless they ask.

Answer 6

Well, yes and no. It may be a little intimidating for her at first which is usually why people hide their true feelings. People need to swallow their pride and step up to the plate. Tell someone how you feel. If they don't feel the same way then try and work it out or move on. Best of luck.

Answer 7

nicely at the start, identifying on fights isn't wholesome. yet letting off steam and letting your companion understand whilst something has stricken you is. Seeing as you have perplexed the two matters, you owe your husband a extensive apology. in case you elect not something to do with him on the 2d, then bypass take a breather. decide for a stroll or bypass out and purchase him his well-known style of icecream or chips and once you have swallowed sufficient satisfaction come domicile to him and tell him you're sorry for identifying on the combat and with regards to the advice which you obtain from whomever. i'm specific in sufficient time you the two gets a competent laugh out of it.

Answer 8

first of all sweety if you are resentful then you aren't in love. its nice to give but not to much all at once because then you have nothing else to give. and if she isn't giving back to you then chances are she doesnt feel the same about you as you do her. my advice is give it a little and if you feel worse or things don't change then it's time to let her go

Answer 9

well you sound like a good guy. Honey there are a lot of them out there who would love to meet you, drop her already and move on. You deserve better. Demand respect always, and you will get it naturally.

Answer 10

LOVES LIKE POKER MY MAN..
ONLY PUT ON THE TABLE
WHAT YOU CAN AFFORD TO LOSE!