Sister in law uses her child as bargaining chip. Is this okay?

Question

Whenever my sister in law (my husband's brother's wife) gets angry or offended about something someone else in the family says or does, she refuses to let them see her daughter until they apologise to her. It's not usually over a big issue, just over a minor disagreement or something stupid like that. I feel that this is just punishing my 4 year old niece. I think it's wrong to use your child as a bargaining chip or a trump card to win an argument, and frankly I'm shocked that my brother in law allows this behavior. What do you think?

Answer 1

Well, first of all this is your brother in laws decision of how he handles things and it sounds to me that he isn't at all. But there isn't much anyone can do about that and no point in stirring the pot (you may be next on the banned list, hehe).

Anyhow, I agree that this is wrong that she behaves arrogantly like that. She sounds like the kind of person that just wants to control everything and who thinks she is perfect. That is annoying.

I, for one have had to cut off a family member due to the fact that the person in particular has tried to create problems in my marriage and also yells and loses control of herself and throws insults at me and my husband in the child's presence. Now THAT is grounds for cutting off especially when the child is an infant that gets frightened by raised voices.

So I guess my answer is that in some cases it is right for the parent to cut off certain family members if it becomes extreme. But when it comes to having a spat about this or that it really is not good for the child to be in the center of it. Obviously she is not learning a good example from that.

Answer 2

No one should ever use their child as a pawn or bargaining chip. It's not fair to the child as well as to the parent. It can cause the child emotional issues.