There's this girl that works with my bf and they've been friends for a couple years (i think) and it never bothered me until recently. i can't really recall when i started feeling insecure about her but i just noticed that he looks at her and talks to her in a way that he doesn't with me. then the paranoia started: i checked his text outbox few days ago and one from him to her said 'no we didnt break up' . i know i should have respected his privacy but i just couldnt help myself. i think she's after him and it makes me so insecure that he would cheat on me with her if she offered it up. plus hes jealous of my guy friends so it makes me think of that saying that if a guy accuses you of something, hes probably doing it himself.
2006-11-21 17:27:12 · 15 answers · asked by dudette22 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Yep your relationship is probably over.
Once you start believing that he is interested in other girls. Once you start invading his privacy and reading his messages. Once you start believing that he is ready and willing to cheat, you might just forget it.
The text message does seem to back up your suspicion that he has talked with this other girl about getting together.
So you either have to try really hard to make it work, or call it quits. But from the nature of your post it doesn't sound like there is much of a future in this relationship. Sorry.
2006-11-21 17:29:43 · answer #1 · answered by ZCT 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Trust is the one thing that can make or break a relationship. Talk to your BF about your concerns, let him know how you have been feeling and ask him what he thinks. Jealousy does not always mean that he is doing something wrong, it could just mean that he is insecure, or that he has had a bad experience in his past. If you really care about him, and want to keep him, then be honest with him.
2006-11-21 19:02:49 · answer #2 · answered by weeewah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi and let me start by saying that I am sorry you feel that way, I know it is not a good feeling.
I am a girl with alot of guy friends and have been caught up in alot of similar situations. When a girl is friends with a guy and he gets a girlfriend, they almost always have a fit about it. I think that most women wonder what that other woman gives him that she does not, or maybe it is a territorial thing, most women just don't like sharing. but except for some rare instances where it is a "My best friends wedding scenario" If this girl wanted to hook up with your boyfriend she would have done it long before you two got together, further more, even if they did hook up, he picked you. I think that trying to stop him from being friends with her is not going to serve either of you. I would ask her to lunch or invite her to the house for dinner with you and your boyfriend. Eliminate some of the mystery so that you can see her as she really is, and not as you imagine her. I think if you talk to her and get to know her, you may change your mind. As far as the IM Message, I clown and joke with my guy friends saying things that we joke about that may be taken out of context but do not mean anything more than that. I had a friend once who said "When you start to Investigate...You start to Hallucinate" and she was right. Jealousy causes alot of irrational feelings and fears and can lead you down a path where you act less than honorably. Jealousy in and of itself does not justify bad behavior. You have to get that in check. I would nip this thing in the bud before you do something that makes your boyfriend angry and causes problems in your relationship. Tell your boyfriend that you would like to get to know this woman so that you can feel more secure about their relationship. If he has nothing to hide, he should not mind. Unless you have already spoken badly about her to him (which he may have told her "My Girlfriend hates you!) but even in that situation you can just tell him that you where jealous and feeling insecure, but that you would like to make it right so that you all can live in peace. I would apologize to the girl if your boyfriend told you something like that and just tell her that you have had some bad experiences and it has made you a little insecure but that this time you decided to face your fears and give her the benefit of the doubt. If you do that, then there is no reason why you shouldnt be able to put all this in perspective and have a happy relationship with your boyfriend and still let him keep his friend. Hope this helps and good luck.
Christchild
2006-11-21 17:43:04 · answer #3 · answered by Christchild2006 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have found the best way to get rid of insecurities is ASK LOTS OF QUESTIONS. Just ask you BF everything you want to know. It's hard to do but it will ease your worries. Make sure to remind him that you're not asking questions because you don't trust him, but because your feel slightly insecure about things. If he gets all defensive, ask him why he's defensive. Just keep asking questions and you should get to the bottom of it. Once he's answered all of your questions, let it go.
2006-11-21 17:32:41 · answer #4 · answered by spring2096 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well aslong as you know that going through someones privacy is bad than thats good. but you do have a right to worry. talk to yuor bf and tell him your insecurities. (but try not to make him mad or something). if he was a true bf than he would understand and respect that you dont want to lose him another girl. but if he gets angry or doesnt seem to care much of your worries, than i think you know what that means, "reject pile".
2006-11-21 17:32:30 · answer #5 · answered by Cornelia Anabelle Banana Bo Peep 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are insecure and your going to lose your man if you don't stop it.....He is probably looking at her the same way he's been looking at her....it's you....you see something different because your paranoid.....why are you so paranoid? What are you doing?
It would have been a problem if the message would have read...No we broke up....I'm single...lets hook up.....
But it didn't say that.....ease up and stop tripping
Sounds to me your jealous of her.....get it together honey
2006-11-21 17:36:09 · answer #6 · answered by girlegyrl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well you need to talk with your boyfirend
whether its a breaking up talk or reassuring talk
jsut ask him about her
jsut tbe straight up and say ive noticed you and this girl
whats up? do you still want to go out?
if he says no he wants to break uo than thats it
and if he wants to keep going out jsut tell him you feel uncomfortable with her alwyas around
but you should feel mroe secure becuase he had the chanse to break up but didnt take it
2006-11-21 17:35:25 · answer #7 · answered by bionca 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ask her yourself if she wants to come over and watch you guys hit it.Trust me they almost always end up joining in. Not cheating if you are there. Then next time ask one of your guy friends the same thing.
2006-11-21 17:34:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to talk to him about this...Dont accuse him, start off by saying you love him but this girl makes you uncomfortable...
2006-11-21 17:56:03 · answer #9 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to talk to him, be honest, and clear the air. In the end, you can't force anyone to love you. If he chooses someone else, it's not even about you. It's about him making choices in his life. You need to make your own choices too.
Best Wishes,
Sue
2006-11-21 17:29:32 · answer #10 · answered by newbiegranny 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋