Spend TONS of $$$ to go to Bro's overseas wedding??!?! What is the etiquette?

Question

Wedding etiquette:Should I go to Bro's overseas Wedding?
My bro met girl who lives in Austraila on the net.
Has been chatting online with her for 5 years
He flew to AUS and spent 3 MO. with her
Now they are engaged.
WOW!! That was fast!
Now my family expects me to fly over in July to see him get married. I find this to be a VERY $$$ request.
($2,000-3,000)
I think it is a better idea if they have 2 Ceremonies.
The big one over in AUS and then a very small one here.
I think it is cheaper for her to fly over here than expect my entire famly to fly to AUS.
More facts:
1.He could not financilly do the same for me.
2.Yes they are going to live in AUS after the Wedding
3.Bro is back in US now. She could fly here to meet him in July and have a small Ceremony and a Cake and Ice cream/potluck reception. Then both fly to AUS. Have big wed. in AUS and broadcast it on the internet where they met in the first place.
Thoughts?? What do you think?

Right! Instead of gifts the family would give $$ to help with the costs of her flight....etc.
My Mom and Dad could have a Low buget reception(potluck?) for them for fraction of the cost of them flying over to AUS.

Answer 1

its a lot to expect you to fork over this kind of money and they should understand that this is a big expense and a burden on most ppl. i think you're right, they could either broadcast it or have a small ceremony here or even offer to bear some of the expense of air fare for the family. hopefully your brother will be sensitive to his family and this expense and it won't become a huge issue.

Answer 2

It may be hard for your soon to be sister-in-law to come to the states. She would have to have a passport, and what about her family? Whether you go or not, it isn't your special day, it is theirs. And if they want to get married in AUS, then so be it. I don't think your bro would be offended if you didn't make it to the wedding do to costs. As long as he knows that you love him and support his decision to get married, he will be fine if you can't be there. But while you may fork out alot of dollars to be at his wedding, I don't think a gift would be appropriate, do to expenses for the trip.
It really sounds like your feelings are hurt over this. He is your brother, but he also going to be someones husband. If you wanted to get married somewhere like AUS because that is where you met and there are sentimental reasons, would you want to change your plans just to please other. Or would you rather be happy with your spouse and the wedding that you had.
Put yourself in your sis-in-laws shoes as well.

Answer 3

If someone plans a destination wedding, they cannot reasonably expect everyone being able to get there. It's up to them, really. If they want everyone to be there, yes, two weddings really should be their priority. I personally really like the idea of #3, doing two ceremonies and using the internet to broadcast overseas. If they just want to get married in Australia, I would just send them a gift... Let them broadcast it for those who can't make it. Heck, if you order from a company located in Australia, you'd get a decent exchange rate.

Answer 4

Didn't you ask this question already?

I still think that is much more selfish for you to try to dictate how and when they get married than it is for them to invite you to their overseas wedding. You don't even have to go if you can't afford it!

But their wedding is THEIR decision, not yours. If they want it in Australia, then it should be in Australia. Why should they plan two weddings just to accomodate you?

The ettiquette here, as with any wedding, is that either accept the invitation or decline it and send a gift. I think you should just do one of those instead of trying to rearrange their plans for them.

Answer 5

I think you definitely should go. To heck with the cost - it's a one time thing, and you can combine a holiday with it.