her dad is no good for her and she knows she has to leave his house and live with her mom, however she loves her dad, no matter how much he hurts her(emotionally), and her dad has told her that she would be betraying him if she left. and she says she would feel very guilty if she left him. she doesn't want to hurt him, or feel that guilt. what can i tell her, are what can she do to reassure herself that she should move out of her dad's house, or what could she tell her VERY stubborn dad that will make him see that she needs to leave?
2006-11-21 16:57:50 · 4 answers · asked by Striker MG 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Copy and paste this message that I am writing to you and print it for her to read!!
My parents were divorced and I had to live with my mother (who was extremely abusive) until I was finally able to escape and move out when she remarried (before the beginning of my senior year).
During the time that I lived alone with her, each night was the same miserable night over and over again. Screaming, hitting, knocking things down, emotionally trying to destroy me in every way. My friends never came over because of her behavior... It was very bad and depressing for me. She took a job at the same high school campus my freshman year and teachers SAW her hit me and say abusive things to me. One of the teachers on staff reported it and she was forced to take an adult class on child abuse in order to keep her job. (I didn't find out about this until years later.) Also at one point the police came to our apartment because our neighbors could hear me crying when she would hit me or throw things. We were almost evicted.
Maybe you are not in such an abusive environment as this with your father. But if he is capable of emotionally destroying you and he is also very unhappy (due to divorce or whatever), then he is completely capable of taking the abuse further and becoming physically violent.
He is an abuser. You are his outlet and he will continue to control you and emotionally hurt you as long as you are connected with him. I understand your feelings of betraying him by going with your mother, but believe me, it is best for you especially at this age when you need positive support to make the right decisions about your future as a young adult. If you live with him now, you may have to make quick and sometimes harmful choices for yourself in order to survive.
Because I was around my mother at such an impressionable age it systematically destroyed my self confidence. I was unable to regain it until I cut her off at the age of 23, and moved on my own eventually marrying and moving abroad. I was lucky that I overcame it and that now I have a good healthy life and have healthy relationships with others without the abuse. You deserve to be happy. Now you must think of yourself because your future is very important. Move with your mother, go to school or take some courses to gain skills. Do something that you love and stay away from people who want to hurt you or who try to make you feel badly about yourself. I pray that I have helped you as no one was there to help me at that age.
Now my father (who was the non-abusive parent) and supportive step-mom have just now understood what I went through after all those years of heart ache. I was distant with them for years and we have recently united and my daughter and I am living with them (while my husband is out of station in training -I'm also pregnant again and this is a blessed event for all of us). Dad is so happy to finally know the real me and now he understands why for so long I avoided him because every time my mother would abuse me for spending time/having fun with him, so I was terribly distant to them to make my mother happy.
I do not communicate with my mother often and when I do, my husband is there to control the situation as she has had a pattern of also talking abusively to him. He knows how to handle her and this is the only way that I could manage things is by having a strong support system of people that are on my side to love and protect me. You should allow your friends, mother, and boyfriend to protect you now and trust them because they care about your happiness and also if you do go to visit him in the future, bring them along so that he has no space to act out. Best of luck and I really hope that I have helpd you.
2006-11-21 17:30:06 · answer #1 · answered by Mom_of_two 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the baby ought to be certain if there are the different family individuals individuals that are keen to take them in. Even an human being sibling can grant a strong abode for them. If this can properly be finished amicably then there is not any want to flow through the criminal gadget. each of the time the baby is probability-free and correctly and anybody is pleased with the association, there is not any want for courtroom orders. Failing that, they could contact social facilities to seek for foster placement.
2016-10-16 10:02:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to move in with her mom. If her dad is hurtful emotionally, she DOES NOT need to be with him. Her dad will get over it.
2006-11-21 17:34:11 · answer #3 · answered by yogurlmsbunny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, first no matter what, back her up on her desicion!She needs you right now! And second, she could tell her dad that she is eighteen and she is able to move out . . . and third, you guys might find it fun to go house shopping together! But no matter what bee there for her through her tough time!
Good luck!
2006-11-21 17:24:00 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋