My boyfriend comes over for a "nap". How do I get him to stop this?

Question

He works a 12 hour nite shift and comes to my house to visit at about 2 pm every day to take a "nap". He goes upstairs, removes all of his clothes down to his birthday suit and then crawls in bed and tells me he will see me in about an hour. We have dated for 5 years. I wish he would just "nap" at his own house. I work a full time job 12 hours a day 4 days a week too. Today, he went with me to the post office, to the bank and used my phone because his is broken. How do I tactfully get him to stop doing his daily routine which is screwing up my life routine?

He is a railroader and does not need my money or my phone. I think he is using it as an excuse to come over. He is so sweet, and I adore him, but he has some wierd ideas about our relationship and refues to commit, and continues to be suffocating in spite of it. I would see less of him if we were married.

Answer 1

try to understand him and his habits.

Answer 2

Of course, this was a bad habit to start in the first place. The thing with boyfriends and well, anyone else really, is to establish boundaries and to inform, in no uncertain terms, when a boundary has been crossed. Since you haven't told him he's doing something wrong - he doesn't know.

In short, you have to tell him. The problem is, you are starting to resent his infractions and pretty soon you'll be picking apart everything he does with that look of distaste that says, "It's over buddy, you get on my nerves." Immediately tell him that you love him but, his routine is not working for you. Tell him that you gave it a try and its just not a long term solution. Tell him (notice, I'm not saying ask) that it really interfers with your schedule i.e. you have to be quiet while he's asleep, you can't clean, vacuum, whatever, and it would be better for both of you if he would take his nap at home from now on. Tell him how you feel. Establish the boundary and don't back down. Don't attack! Words like, 'you make me feel' quickly put the other party on the defensive. Instead say, "When you___, I feel ____. "

Love is a two way street and it requires give and take on both sides. Be prepared for the "Well, I don't like it when you sleep in my t-shirts!" kind of reply. Listen and, if he really is setting down boundaries, stay within the parameters of those boundaries. But, don't sit there and feel put upon and taken advantage of. Not unless you want an ex-boyfriend.

Answer 3

take your sheets off the bed. the comforter to the drycleaners, the sheets and everything else into a closet or the laundry. Comforter takes a few days to be finished..
face the fact, he wants to nap, and the bed is so nice. he wont know what to do really...
day two? yeah well you didnt get the stain out of the sheet.. and if you wash them seperatly they wont be the same color becuase the sheet might fade.. or some bs... lol
day three sorry i was so exhausted i just felll asleep the second i sat on the bed. mummble "stupid stain"
day four.. its still staind so i think i might go buy a new one.. im sorry it just bothers me when i know its messed up.

How is it screwin with your routine. he just goes and sleeps for an hour.. sounds kind of passive, does he make the bed?

best way is to just makem "nap" somewhere else.. or make the bedroom less comfortable.. lol

Answer 4

Really I think you need to evaluate what it is he is doing. He comes over just to sleep? Not to see and spend time with you? It's good he went with you to the bank and post office, and I don't see a problem with him using your phone since his is broken. But I think an important factor in your question is you stated "his daily routine ____ is screwing up my life routine". Do you love him? Men don't change! You could confront him as tactfully as you want, but men don't change.

Answer 5

talk 2 him first then if he does not stop then would be the time 2 stop letting him in . he comes over and takes a nap because of the fact that he is comfortable there all u have 2 do is make your place less comfortable and play music loud and so he cant rest and most likely he will stop cause he cant take the noise anymore

Answer 6

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Answer 7

Talk to him about it and tell him that this disturbed sleep has been detrimental to your health and that he should nap at his own home. Tell him that you are constantly tired and doctor has advised you to take more rest. Be cold to him when he comes in for a nap and just open the door and lock your room. A little anger now, can go a long way in the future.

Answer 8

How about writing him a note inviting him to lunch. Tell him in the note you have something unpleasant you want to discuss with him. You'll have to decide if you want him not to come over at all or if you want him to come over sometimes or what. How much space are you asking for. Maybe a compromise is better than cutting him off completely.

Answer 9

I would simply tell him that you would appreciate it if he would go home to take his naps and when he is awake and able to spend quality time with you, THEN he should come over. Explain to him that your hours are a strain on you as well and he is affecting your ability to manage your own daily activities. Tell him you want to spend time with him but only if it is going to be time when he is actually awake and alert and interacting with you. You should also politely ask that he get his phone fixed as soon as possible.

Answer 10

Why would these things bother you, after dating for 5 yrs? He wants to be at your place, near you, when he gets off work. You are his girlfriend, so you shouldn't be bothered by him using your phone or going places with you. If you are, then maybe you should re-consider letting this relationship continue.....because it's not going anywhere, if you freak out when he gets comfortable.

Answer 11

well you should tell him when he is about ready to take a "nap" or whenever to tell him that you are tired and you worked to the bone one what you do. or at night time, pretend your sleeping and he will see that you are sleeping and will cut it short and leave you be. or you can say, "you know when you take a "nap" at my house? well is it ok if you can keep it to a minimum and well, not do it much anymore because when i wake up in the morning i am very sleepy...etc." either way, you should say something. and if he was a true bf, he would give you some space and do as you wish =) Good Luck!