Trying to get over two rapes....?

Question

I'm trying to get over two rapes, one happened almost a year ago. I never reported it, because I was afraid no one would believe me (I had told one of my mothers friends who is a police officer and he dismissed me). The other happened less than a month ago, and I'm still having nightmares. I haven't told anyone about that anyone except for a friend...I'm afraid of being dismisses again. My question being, how in gods name am I supposed to get over these? (Therapy, I'm sad to say, is not an option. My mother hasn't done anything about getting our insurance back, and I have no extra money).

I can barely function right now.

No, I do not wear slutty clothes. Loose jeans, t-shirts, hoodies, etc.

No, I do not hang with a 'bad' group of people. most of them are in school, with steady jobs.

The only drugs I do are weed on the weekends, and thats only because one of my friends buys it from someone that I've never seen and smokes it with me.

Thank you for your wonderful help.

Answer 1

Dont worry about people believing you. Frankly who gives a damn, you know you were raped and thats enough!
First you must go to/phone your police station and report both rapes. They have a duty to treat your claims as honest and must be sensitive due to the nature of your claim. You have to do this because most rapists will do it again if they get the chance. So you have a duty to all us other women out their to at least report it as soon as you feel ready to do so. Maybe you have a friend/mum that can go with you. Once you have reported it its out of your hands. But they wont tell anyone like you parents/friends and they can give you advice on support. They wont physically check you out as all evidence on your body is probably gone(except may be for bruising, which wont catch the rapist anyway). And you only need to do what you feel comfortable doing if you dont want them to check your body, they cant force you, just say.
Next you need to seek some professional support for the ordeal of the rapes, maybe a school/college counsellor or a free rape helpline; search the internet, there is free help out there that is confidential.
Lastly, it may be worth considering why you were raped. I DONT mean as in did you deserve it at all! RAPE IS NEVER JUSTIFIED EVEN IF A GIRL DOES FLIRT/WEAR SLUTTY CLOTHING. Every woman has a right to say no at any point even foreplay! But you may want to consider if you have put yourself in an usafe situation like walking home alone late at night or being in a rough area. Maybe you should avoid places where you and other woman are at risk from crime and rape. Purchase a rape alarm. Generally ensure you are safe.
I hope this helps and feel free to contact me, I'm a law student so I may be able to help in other ways.

Answer 2

It is never the victims fault. You did not ask to be raped and you certainly did not enjoy it. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for women that have been assaulted to be victims a second time. There is probably very little you can do legally about the assaults as too much time has passed to collect evidence. I would, however, look into filing a complaint against the police officer that dismissed you. As for getting the help you so desperately need look in the front cover of your local yellow pages. There you should find a number for your local rape crisis center. They may even have a hotline that you can call 24 hrs a day. They should be able to offer you counseling for free or for a very low cost based on what you can afford. You sound young, are you in school? If you are in high school go to the counselor's office. They should be able to get you some counseling through the school. Depending on your school district you may be able to receive services in school during school hours. If you are in college go to the advising center. Most colleges have mental health services especially if they have dorms. Finally, talk to your mother. She may be more understanding than you think. You need to talk about what happened to you. You need to incorporate these experiences into your life or you will never be able to move on. Just try to remember that you did not deserve this. Lay blame on the rapists where it belongs. Be strong and get help.

Answer 3

I am so very sorry that this has happened to you. In many communities there is free counselling for rape survivors. There may be numbers at the front of your phone book. Depending on where you live, there may be a free 211 line or a community information center to help you find this kind of counseling. If you do wish to contact the police, have an advocate, like a rape crisis worker or a friend with you. If you feel that you are not being taken seriously, you can ask to speak to the officer's supervisor. Depending on how big your community is, there may also be a police complaints division as well. I hope that you begin to heal. Try to think of some people in your life that you trust, who you could share this with. Also make an appointment with a trusted doctor to check out your health and also possibly for further referrals to counseling (some doctors are well connected). If you don't trust your doctor, see if there is a women's health center or a sexual assault care treatment center (it may be called something different where you are, I'm in Canada) in a community hospital. Please keep reaching out. You deserve support.

Answer 4

I am listening to Rembrandts "I'll be there for you". I hope you'd do too and cheer up.

I find it funny how the universe always sneaks up on you with all it's complications just when you think you've got it figured out.

Two rapes, I have no idea how that must feel. But all I can say is that you can't stop people from doing bad things. You can only change your reaction.

Stop hanging out with that friend who smokes weed; after all anything that remotely makes you lose your senses should be given up. Hang out with the geeks and the so-called sensible people. They always hang out in the safe places.

For a few days, I'd suggest you come home early (like before the shops close and stuff).

This is just advice from a bystander, who has no idea what to do in your situation, but feels the need to comfort you anyway.

Answer 5

I am so sorry this has happened to you. Doubly sorry.

You do not deserve this to happen. Please dismiss the morons here who have little better to do than be morons. Please do take on board the kind and compassionate answers you have received.

Here are some suggestions to help you.

1) Accept this has happened and is not yourfault.
2) Nothing you do can make another human being act in any particular way. The persons who did this to you are 100% responsible for their actions.
3) You are on your way to healing already. You have reached out to others and are looking for help.
4) Remember that for no valid reason good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. It is just the way life is.
5) It is easy for others to dismiss rape and impossible for those who have endured it to dismiss it.
6) You might feel like you are going crazy at times... You aren't you are having normal responses to an abnormal situation.
7) All the shame, guilt, fear that you may experience belongs with the perpertrator.... not you..let it go...
8) The nightmares will pass. It will take time. They are your minds way of working through the horrors of your experience.
9) Do keep talking to your good friend. Talk to someone about it. Talking will help you manage the feelings
10) Do not give in to the pain. If you give in then the bastards have one.... and we don't ever want the them to win... we want you to win.

Answer 6

Do you attend a church?

Ministers can often refer you to free services if your church doesn't have a family counselor.

This is a serious problem, and one that does require someone smart and prepared to help you through it.

My advice would be to begin by trying to forgive yourself. It wasn't your fault. You should avoid the rapists if at all possible, and if you date you should stop for a while.

You can get over this, but it will not be easy and I doubt if you can do it without help.

It will affect how much you trust people and how well you can trust yourself. Don't worry. Most men are not rapists.

If you can find a woman to counsel you that would be easier than being counseled by a male, even a very good one.

Answer 7

See this webpage which can help you. Then click on advice for teenage girls even if you are no longer a teen. It tells how we live in a girl poisoning sociey. In college if you report a rape from another student you become a target of terrorist attacks. In America women and blacks are 2nd class citizens.

Maybe the police officer wished he lived in a society where they cut off the girl's clitoris at age 13. Many men hate women. I forget the technical name of both of the above. Gloria Steinem says that either you are a feminist or a masochist. I am a man but I hate bullies.

http://www.phifoundation.org/happiness.html

Answer 8

I worry that something deeper is going on or has happened in the past that is causing you to become a victim repeatedly. Either that, or the first rape emotionally crippled you. Being raped once is a tragedy; twice is highly unusual among emotionally-healthy women.
I understand what you said about the cost of therapy, but it is critical that you get therapy somehow. You may be able to get free counselling at a women's shelter or crisis pregnancy center, or even through a church. I think it is important that you get over what happened (EMDR is a superior technique for this, but it takes a specially-trained counsellor). It is even more important that you discover why you are repeatedly victimized so that you can take steps to prevent it from happening again.

Answer 9

I'm sorry that such a terrible thing has happened to you, you seem like such a bright and articulate girl. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do. Time heals all wounds but you may be emotionally scarred for life. You have taken a great step by sharing your predicament with us and hopefully someone here has given you a little hope or good advice. Just keep your chin up babe and know that we are here to help.

Luv Cassie.

Answer 10

OH mY GOODness!
Where do you stay? It seems to me that the place you are staying is not safe at all. It is very unfair for your mother's friend to dismiss you. I suppose it takes great courage to tell a stranger of your misfortune. If you still recognise the person who raped you, PLEASE go make a police report (don't go to that stupid police officer). It's the police duty to help you and ensure that justice is done.

Have you told your mother about these incident?
PLEASE call the SOS helpline that is available in your country. You really need to talk to someone, someone who is able to counsel you. I dun think it will cost you anything more than your telephone bill.

be strong and brave