Just to spout off a little here, but me and the gf have hit a rough patch. She doesn't want anything to do w/ a commitment. Fine. She is such a great girl and she put so much into it to start w/ but now she has grown really distant. We have talked over and over about it, and it keeps coming back to some general themes: she has something in her past that I gather is pretty traumatic, but she won't share it. She goes on to say she doesn't deserve me and she'll only hurt me, blah blah. Fine. I think she's just fishing for reassurance from me. She has said she wants to be single for a while (fine again) and then texts me non-stop. I respond, but this can't go on forever. Point being, I want to tell her that at some point the fear of getting hurt has to be weighed against her fear of watching me walk away. Any suggestions?
2006-11-21 15:52:06 · 9 answers · asked by randyken 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
She needs to seek therapy. There are still some unresolved issues that she has within her past. But do heed her warning you that she might hurt you. She's trying to obviously protect her heart and yours too. No doubt that she wants you, but she's letting it be known that she has emotional baggage that you're going to have to deal with eventually later down the road. Prepare yourself for a bumpy ride.
2006-11-21 16:00:41 · answer #1 · answered by Icky B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you need suggestions for, you have already solved your problem mate. You need to tell her straight, she is a great girl, you would love to make a real good go of this but she needs to get her head straight and make a decision, you and a chance at a great relationship or no more contact between you. She will have to decide to either pull her act together and let herself become open to you or she can shut herself away in her prison of fear for the remainder of her life or until she does option 1. She was probably hurt or is just generally afraid of opening up to people. Whatever it is mate, its not your fault and normally I would say give her time and be gentle with her emotions and sensitivity, she obviously needs attention and reassurance. Keep telling her how beautiful a person she is, calm soothing words and she will come round. Be delicate with this one, she is fragile and full of baggage, it will take time to sort through her emotions. Good luck.
2006-11-22 00:09:28 · answer #2 · answered by geronemo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rest assured Mr. that this girl doesn't want to be single. Whatever happened to her in the past has left her without a sense of certainty. She likes you, but does not exactly know how to go about moving forward with you. She is trying to resist, but her own efforts have been thwarted by her texting you daily. Texting is good. Although, I am not certain of how to pull her out her shell, but at some point I believe she will come out. What I have said are beliefs...I hope it helps. Don't give up on her. At least stay friends.
2006-11-22 00:02:20 · answer #3 · answered by Honey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be perfectly honest with you (and not to sound so typical) these are the same things that I say when I am involved in other relationships. I'm not, by any means, saying that this is what she is doing but could it be an option? She doesn't want committment, and she will only hurt you...why would she say those things? Because, possibly, she is seeing someone else. That explains her becoming distant when she put gave so much in the beginning. Think about it. I hope its not true but it sure sounds like it.
2006-11-22 00:01:44 · answer #4 · answered by shellese2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her straight out that if she does not stop her s*** she'll lose you. Believe me she will appreciate u more if you do that. She obviously does not want to lose u cause she keeps texing you. Tell her how you really feel and if she dosen't change, let her go. A guy like you deserves much better.
Good Luck
2006-11-21 23:59:46 · answer #5 · answered by dolcevita 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her the truth... that u really care about her but u can't keep living ur life like this... That she's gonna have to choose between her fear of getting hurt or her fear of losing you
2006-11-21 23:57:13 · answer #6 · answered by ksm_623 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say what you just said and tell her that the game palying...if that is what was is done. Move on to something better...without the confusion. She may be wanting to tell her past event.....but she needs to know that it is time to talk, or time to move on. good luck
2006-11-22 00:09:30 · answer #7 · answered by KaLee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know how you feel ,you should see my last post on frustration,,, be patient hun give her some time to come around she obviously doesnt want you to walk away
2006-11-21 23:58:14 · answer #8 · answered by stacy x 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to be completely alone to find herself, then her choices won't be so emotionally charged
2006-11-21 23:57:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋