what do you do when your dad hasnt been the nicest person over the years, but you still love him and you want him to be a part of your life, but your boyfriend of a year wont meet him and you really want them to meet. i love my boyfriend and i plan on being with him forever but i dont know what to do about this. this is a huge problem!! can you give me some good advice??
2006-11-21 15:38:42 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I agree you have a problem here. Your boyfriend doesn't understand that what you are asking him to do is merely to meet your father. He does not have to agree with your father, or to become friends. And he is not supporting the unpleasant way your father treated you. They are just going to meet. And you just want to keep your options open, and positive. After all, maybe someday you and your dad can be friends again. But if you stay with your bf, and he continues to be unwilling to be agreeable, it is less likely that you and your father will be on good terms.
What if you and your bf get married and decide to have children? Are you ready to cut your father out completely, or do you hope that he will be a better grandfather to your children than he was a father to you? If your current bf won't let your father into his life or your life as a couple, he won't agree to having your father around your children either.
Tell your boyfriend about these things. Explain to him that it's important to be at peace with others as much as you are able to, and that as a couple, you need his help so you can be on good terms with your father.
[But if your father did something heinous that hurt children, such as severe physical or sexual abuse, and he has not made any amends or apologies for it, then maybe your boyfriend is justified in staying away. I'm only guessing; I don't know the details of how your father wasn't the "nicest person over the years].
Being forgiving and being gracious are marks of maturity and manhood. It takes a big man (or woman) to approach a big problem with dignity. This, it seems to me, is what you want: You want to approach your father/problem in a dignified way. If your boyfriend refuses to recognize that you need to be at peace with your father, and won't cooperate with you, you need to think hard about whether it is appropriate to be in a relationship with somebody who is so unwilling to embrace maturity and kindness when dealing with others, especially your family. If he is unyielding in this situation, it is possible he will react in a similar way in other situations, with other people. You may find that your circle becomes smaller and smaller as he finds reason to cut himself, and you by association, off from others for various reasons.
2006-11-21 15:59:00 · answer #1 · answered by chuck 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me, Family members win over everything. You know that your dad loves you but you won't know how long the relationship between you and your boyfriend will last and how much he loves you. But I have some good advice, if your dad and your boyfriend do not get along well, you can find something they have in common and tell both your boyfriend and dad to give in sometimes. I hope this helps.
2006-11-21 15:48:53 · answer #2 · answered by Cherry 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, there r a few different ways. my dad isn't the "dad of the year" and my sister had a similar situation. i think u should try 2 convince only 1 of them 2 meet the other 1 and trick the other 1 to meeting the other. if that doesn't work, try getting the 2 of them 2 "accidently" meet somewhere where they most likely might go.
2006-11-21 15:45:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's easy.
Tell your boyfriend that it would mean a lot to you if he would just meet your dad. You can't very well have an entire lifelong relationship without meeting each others parents at some point.
If he really loves you and wants to be with you, he'll agree to meet your family - regardless of how uncomfortable he may feel.
If he puts up a big fight and refuses it ... he really isn't very considerate of your feelings and you should reconsider your relationship.
2006-11-21 15:43:24 · answer #4 · answered by Imperfect 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never the less your father is your father and you love him. He is a part of your life thus a part of your soul. And if your boyfriend loves you as much as you love him they should meet. Remember you may think you will be together forever but what if you aren't? Who is there to comfort you while you are upset, who is there to help you when in need? Your family loves you unconditionally.
2006-11-21 15:42:27 · answer #5 · answered by momofthreemiracles 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, my guess is you have told this boyfriend all of the evils about your father, and now you expect him to go and meet him and make nice. This is something that will have to wait. You cannot force your boyfriend to meet him. And if the two of you plan on being together for life, wait until the wedding. God bless****
2006-11-21 15:43:11 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay first of all u need to find out why ur man doesnt want to meet your dad. if he really wanted to be with u he would at least try to meet one of the most important men in your life. remember, family and friends are forever, men on the other hand, are temporary. do u wanna lose you man or your dad?
2006-11-21 15:44:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to your bf...if he doesn't want to meet ur dad then he is probably not a big family person and if you want family or if you want him to meet your family then he is not the guy for you...it sounds like you really like him, and as for ur dad well he is ur dad and he should always be a part of ur life...eventually ur bf needs to meet your dad and meeting him sooner would be better so they can get to know each other and get comfortable...
good luck!
2006-11-21 15:46:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have a serious long talk with my boyfriend and let him know how much it means to me. and if he cares about how i will feel he will put how my dad has treated me behind him for 1 night, and i would talk to my dad and let him know to how important it is for him to meet him
2006-11-21 16:03:23 · answer #9 · answered by ihaveoceaneyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont force nything, itll just make it worse. id tell my bf that its important to me and that he doesn't have to like him just be nice. it will end up being better for the both of you. if he doesnt want to meet him still then say that ur upset but respect his decision and drop it. REMEMBER: if u force it and he really doesnt want to go someone may do something all three of you will regret in the long run!
good luck i hope you work it out.
2006-11-21 15:47:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋