Another endless question on cybersex?

Question

why on earth does a healthy, maybe not normal, adult male feel the urge to cyber when he lives with someone in a loving relationship,swear up and down he doesnt do it anymore and does it online the next day?? Why does the male get so detached and careless with this act on line? dont men understand that we women have real feelings ? And for you women out there you should think about the women on the other side for a change and who participate so unfeeling and shameless, shame on you im just old fashioned and cant approve of this concept of cybersex when you are not single and cant quit doing the nasty instead of doing it with the one you live with. Whoever invented the IM should be shot ,,,,,,,,,

Answer 1

Hi - there's actually a category and sub-category of addiction that has been identified relating to this behavior.

One is internet addiction. The sub-category is pornographic internet addiction. As you'd probably expect, most of the examples of the latter are men.

It is akin to other addictive behaviors like gambling, alcohol, eating, drugs, video gaming, etc. There are even treatment centers as I understand it, and some work places even pay for employees who've exhibited these types of behaviors.

I would suggest that you bring up counseling or couples counseling to your male. Its seems obvious from your description that his behavior is beyond casual interest in porn (which is frankly normal for men), and if its not a full blown addiction it certainly sounds like its headed there.

Please don't blame IM - the medium isn't the problem - its that some people have a predilection for becoming addicted and need help. Remember that men and porn have been around forever in some form or other and the adage about the 'oldest profession'...

Its when the behavior becomes dysfunctional that we need to recognize that the person needs help, whether they recognize it or not... getting them to seek help then becomes the real challenge - for both of you.

Good Luck - and take care of yourself, this can be a very painful process.

-dh

Answer 2

I'm not saying you should be cool with it, but you seem to be over reacting. Do you have reason to believe he is following up on any of his cyber sessions, or is he using them for fantasy purposes only? Would you rather he go meet actual women and have sex with them, or chat about it online? Lessar of two evils.

What aren't you providing him that he needs to seek it out elsewhere? Have you read any of his cyber sessions? Maybe he wants to do some of this stuff with you. Instead of chewing him out you could try joining in, maybe by being the woman on the other end if that's what does it for him.

the point is you need to
A: figure out if he is just having fantasy discussions, and
B: figure out if his fantasys something you can work with (and of course he should reciprocate).

If you answered "No" to one or both of these questions, please find yourself a new man, because either he won't stop and you will resent what you see as cheating or he will stop but resent you for being judgemental and unwilling to work with him.

Answer 3

Personally, I find it very distasteful to have sex, cyber or regular with a stranger. And I really enjoy my IM. I understand your anger with these women who are willing to perform such acts, however, your anger should be directed at the man in your life, he is the one in the relationship with you and the one with the issue. Women that do these sort of activities are the same women who have no issue dating a married man. The world is full of them. They lack self esteem and have serious issues. However, you need to be angry with your boyfriend/husband. And put your energy into finding out what his malfunction is he is the one in the relationship with you. Just my opinion, and if you are that unhappy, get out and be alone or find someone with the same ideas of what a relationship as yours. I am sorry for your pain, however, attacking people on the Internet is not going to solve your issue. And they really may not even be women, they could be men playing the role as a women. The Internet is a very dangerous game to be playing. Tell your man that, perhaps that will cut his behaviors if he thinks he was actually with a man posing as a women. Good luck and God bless****

Answer 4

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Answer 5

I guess its something more on the personal level. You would not expect someone to change over night right? The best think a partner can do is to support her better half. Try not to look into bad things nor on details that wont help him overcome this sort of addiction he has. Its a long healing process so patience is very important.

Answer 6

Too many don't feel as though they are really cheating on the significant other do to they aren't really touching them.

If your in another relationship with shared trust for each other it's wrong period.

Hopefully your better half will outgrow this fantasy time for himself.

I'd hope to believe he can't be satisfied with a one person touch relationship especially if he has to make love to himself.

Answer 7

I don't understand either but I do agree with you in that I think I am old fashioned, too and can't accept this. Sounds like your hubby is taking you for granted and probably sees little wrong with his behavior. I think you are sharp for knowing about this and trying to find answers. Guess you went to "history" on the computer... Yeah for you!

Answer 8

Stacy, don't shoot the IM because of the cybering. Men who are insecure build their self esteem through seducing women online. They are living fantasies that they don't feel they can fulfil in real life. When a man has a good self esteem, he will take pride in the fact he can keep one woman satisfied instead of trying to satisfy many.

Answer 9

it's been 10 years since i started using internet.
having used the internet everyday for the last 10 years, i just realized that ppl are lonelier than i thought.

someone is always looking for someone on the net.
i know we cannot live alone and guys want women and women want man all the time .

cybering is one way to fill their satisfaction and fantasy.
guys are looking for women on the net for cyber but it's not all about sex sometimes. it's just about man wanting woman.
they don't wanna be alone in front of computer.
they are looking for connection on the net even if they have a partner.

it's sad. isn't it?

Answer 10

lol it sounds like it's either your BF or Hubby.. haha... well it's easy to cure him... everytime u c him cybersexing, pull his bloody head to u and say.. 'Hey, the real one is here... ' and.. shut down his computer or his internet acess... den make REAL love... and ask him.. 'there u go... doesn't it feel better? if i ever caught u doing that again, u can forget this ( the sex ) for the rest of your memeber's life...'

if u were to have sex wif him, make it as erotic/memorable as possible... make him wants it more... den he can freakin forget bout cybering..

lol all u have to do is c his response... XD