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My daughter lied to me about where she was Saturday night. I found out yesterday that she was out til 2 in the morning with a 28 year old man. She is 18. I do not care you she dates on the outside for her to see but on the inside a man with 3 children has no business with a 18 year old. I told her all i asked ofr her was that if she was out pass 12:00 to call and let me know who she is with and where she is. Today my mother came to see me at work and informed me that she knew where she was. I got so angry that i had been lied to again and on top of that it was my 64 year old mother. The more i talked the louder i got and the madder i got and i walked away because i Love her and i was afraid i would say something that would hurt her feelings. I have never done it but i am so mad that she did this. I sat at my house saturday night worried to death about where my daughter was. these days you never know what could happen. I worry about her coming in that time of morning anyway.

2006-11-21 14:25:43 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Family

She is a good young lady and i know that she has to get this out of her system and all i can do is pray that nothing bad happens. I am angry and i have to deal with it so that i can talk to my mother again. How could they let me sit here worried to death about her. What if this guy she just started dating raped her. How would i find her if i did not know where she was. They do not understand how important the truth was in this. This could have gotten bad and thank god it dd not.

2006-11-21 14:29:27 · update #1

16 answers

I know your frustration. Even though she is 18 and legally an adult, she's living in your home, and should have the decency to show you respect. Your home, your rules. Period.

If she doesn't like it, and thinks she's old enough to not have you interfering, then maybe she needs to take care of herself, get her own home, pay her own rent, utilities, cable, phone, laundry, food, etc.

Your mother should know enough to not be going behind your back. How would she have liked it if someone had done that to her when you were your daughters age? If she thinks its fine, and isn't worried about your daughter being out and not calling, maybe she should consider having your daughter live with her?

I do hope you show this answer to your mother AND your daughter. Both of them are being disrespectful and they need to put themselves in your shoes.

Mom isn't the one who is sitting up with you worrying and not knowing if your daughter is safe, and your daughter isn't taking ALL the responsibilities of adulthood, and therefore needs to live by the rules of the home in which she's living.

2006-11-21 14:33:36 · answer #1 · answered by Amy N 4 · 0 0

Take a deep breath.....now hold up the scissors.....and cut the umbilical cord. Weather you like it or not she is now 'considered' an adult. Maybe the reason no one is telling you anything is because they feel like you are too nosy or always having to know everything as though she is 15. I'm glad you realize that voicing your opinion to her on who she decides to date is not the best thing to do. But, really, you raised her and she is an adult, she will make some good decisions and some bad ones....let her. She has to learn these things for herself, and it sounds as though she is desperately trying to do that. And she is being RESPONSIBLE by telling your mom where she would be! Maybe she is trying to hint to you that she can live her own life and doesn't need to tell mommy everything she decides anymore, but is responsible enough to tell someone "just in case" something were to happen. Sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders to me. Give her some space.....she will make the right decisions if she has your support, and not your nosiness. By the way....I see that a lot of you are saying "follow the rules, or out the door". What would that solve? Then she might just go live with grandma! Or better yet with the 28 year old with 3 kids, or just end up on the streets! I understand how you feel, but it's a good way to push her away and not hear ANYTHING about how or what she is doing anymore.

2006-11-21 22:38:47 · answer #2 · answered by D R 2 · 0 0

I agree with you and I understand your anger, I do think tho that you would have been upset even if your mother told you where she was earlier, she was just trying to be a good grandma and keep her grand-daughters trust in tack, but still they were all wrong to keep this from you. Maybe the three of you can sit down and discuss this, clear the air and let your daughter know that you want to be the one there for her and that you will try to be more understanding about her choices and then you have to stick to that. Your daughter needs to find her own way and make her own mistakes, I know that wont stop you from worrying but she's eighteen and going to do things her way with or without your approval. I hope you, your mom and your daughter overcome this and have a great relationship in the future.

2006-11-21 22:54:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Mother is the name for God on the Lips and Hearts of all children : Brandon Lee

Now in the real world, mothers are just people. You can't tell most people that mothers are not above telling a lie. Mothers know fear, regret, sadness, love and many more. Of course mothers can lie. Why did she do it? Maybe because she's not as close to the situation as you are, and she realizes that your daughter is simply testing the waters. So what if she's having sex. How many partners did you have that your mother wouldn't have approved of? How many did YOU lie about? Your daughter is living her life, and enjoying new experiences. A grandmother knows to let nature take it's course. I say you need to do that too.

2006-11-21 22:32:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Don't blame yourself..this IS your daughter and mother's fault. That sounds very unsafe for her to be out with a married man that late and without having told you in the first place. You mom should have told you also. Maybe just sit down with your daughter and tell her how this affected you and how much you worried about her.

2006-11-21 22:29:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I'm not sure what you want answered...

You're being exceptionally reasonable in not being judgemental and giving your daughter space. A courtesy call past 12 is just a respectful thing to do.

About your mother there could be any reasons why she didn't tell you she knew where your daughter was: to look more trustworthy in your daughters eyes, to feel important, etc...

2006-11-21 22:30:20 · answer #6 · answered by aeseeke 3 · 0 0

My first impression about this was, yeah and moms don't have sex either. Give your mom some room to be human. Then don't take it out on your mom. She is 64. Keep a good relationship with her. She is not responsible for your relationship with your daughter. Confide in her. Don't reject her. Maybe you and your daughter needs a counselor. It's quiet alright to have a counselor now. In fact it's a cool thing to do. It helps you sort things out.

2006-11-21 22:41:47 · answer #7 · answered by fullnessofjoy1959 2 · 0 0

I understand completely. I have an 18 yr old daughter also. As long as your daughter lives with you and you are providing for her she has to abide by the rules you set. I know her safety is a big concern for you.

you have to make it clear to your mom as well and set her straight about what your expectations are.

2006-11-21 22:30:30 · answer #8 · answered by Cymbaline 5 · 0 0

k first of all being 18 she should have her own place and second i dont believe that you asking her to call if she was going to be out past 12 was to much to ask. although who she is with at that age is hardly any of your business, but i can understand your worry. maybe you need to realize that she aint your baby any more. if that was the only rule that you had for her i think that she should go with your wishes despite how stupid she thinks it is.

2006-11-21 22:35:37 · answer #9 · answered by thinkofmealwayslver 3 · 0 0

Ground them both, no information for your mom and your daughter goes nowhere with out you. If she does not like it there is the door tell her not to let it hit her on the way out into the cruel world.

2006-11-21 22:30:34 · answer #10 · answered by picture 1 · 0 0

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