Did your parents hit you when you were little...?

Question

I grew up in the 80's and as terrible as this
sounds, lots of parents would smack their kids
around and it was generally accepted. I remember
my friend across the street would occasionally
get "the belt". My parents didn't BEAT me but
they basically would smack us around. Now
you would get child social services called on
you - and thank god for that.. but it just seems
like, only 20 or so years ago, it was perfectly
accpetable to hit your child. any thoughts on
this?

Answer 1

Some children remember spanking messages more than nurturing ones. They will remember and be most influenced by the 1 hit than the 100 hugs. Hitting just devalues a child. Children need to predict the outcome in order to behave good in the future. Parents should never spank because using fear and pain is the wrong way to go about it and it is the old fashioned, lazy way of parenting.
Spanking is a form of violence that teaches children that inflicting fear and pain on others is a way to control their behavior. Parents who spank are out of control and are not disciplined parents. It just teaches children how to hit, how to be sneaky, how to fear, how to be ashamed and how to take anger out on others.
All degrees of spanking- light, moderate, occasional, rarely, always- give children the wrong kind of attention. You want your child to follow rules because they are right and good, not to avoid punishment because they are scared and become sneaky.

When parents spank, they stop their children at the lowest level of moral development. So all the idiots that recommend to spank are eroding their childs ability to be empathetic. When you react with anger to childrens' behavior, we teach them to act without considering another persons' feelings-another consequence we need to avoid. Then when your child doesn't have empathy, it is impossible for them to learn to share, play well with others, avoid angry and violent actions, and take responsibility for their actions.

I have children and am studying early childhood development in college. I am against spanking. Children of non-spanking parents tend to be easy to manage and well-behaved because these parents set clear standards for what is expected, provide lots of love and affection, explain things to the child, and recognize and reward good behavior. Non-spanking parents also pay more attention to their children’s behavior, both good and bad, than parents who spank do.
Research shows that the higher the education the person has, the less likely they spank. You will see especially on this site that alot of people believe that spanking is the only alternative and that if you don't spank, your kids will turn out like hellions. It just takes some education, good common sense and respect for children to not resort to hitting them. That is what I think.

Answer 2

My dad was extremely bad with the hitting and worse with the verbal abuse. Almost every single day he used the belt on me and my brothers. I got the worst of it because I was the oldest. The theory was that if my brothers did anything wrong they punished me so I would learn to keep my brothers in line when my dad wasn't looking. So I was beaten whether or not I'd done anything wrong. He would start with a lecture about what a horrible child I was, then use the belt on me. As a result of this I have a horrible temper, and lash out whenever I'm lectured about anything.
My husband grew up in a polar opposite family. He'd never been spanked or slapped at all, and he finds it hard to relate to me on the subject.
It's good to know I wasn't the only one.

Answer 3

Only my father ... never my mother.

My father used to give us a whoopin with the belt and GET THIS ... a strip of track from hot wheels !!!!!! OUCH !!!! That was the WORST !

I think there needs to be a happy medium ... if you did these things today you would be in jail ... however, I grew up respecting my elders and knowing what limits were. I think it was a little overboard, but I certainly learned from it.

Today however, the timeout simply don't work ... look how the kids in today's society have NO respect for elders and crime is on the rise.

There should be something in the middle. A mild backhand across the mouth when a child disrespects its elders or an open handed swat on the butt never hurt anyone. Using belts, paddles, closed fist, switches, tree branches, and hot wheels tracks is overboard.

Answer 4

I also grew up in the 80s. I got the belt on the bare behind. I also got knocked across the room a few times and held up against the wall by my neck. My dad always used to say, "You want to call the cops on me? Here is the phone. They'll take *you* away, not *me*." That scared me more than being hit. My mom wasn't much of a hitter but sometimes when she was particularly made she'd slap us across the face.

Answer 5

I grew up in the same era, it's true, I saw a father throw his son clear across a room and it was right infront of me. The father is not in jail or has been. My parents wouldn't hit the girls, but my mom would lose her temper and we both would end up in a fashion house situation slapping each other. I don't think it is right at all. I saw my father get away with molesting people, My father beat my brother with a broom, or a belt if he didn't clean his room or turn off the light, My mom insisted on this. I don't want my parents watching my children.

Answer 6

I would say smacking or slapping is abuse. Just like belittling someone verbally is abuse.
My grandfather would spank my cousin and I for fighting when we were young, and if we did something real bad we would get the belt on our bottoms. I do not condone the belt.

I believe spanking is acceptable still today, even though many would disagree me. Discipline is hard to come by today, and I believe it is something we need in raising of children.

I by no means condone the use of foreign objects, or smacking or slapping of the face. Or degrading a child emotionally or mentally with verbal onslaughts. That is abuse to me.

But a spanking on the behind of an unruly child who has done something wrong and should be disciplined, is not abuse in my eyes.

I know my answer might seem two faced, but there is logic in it.

Answer 7

Yep spare the rod, spoil the child.
I got a beating daily or several times per week. I grew up in the sixties. I got the belt as well as a cherry tree branch. I am none the worse for it. I do NOT abuse kids or women, or anyone else for that matter. I DO NOT and have NOT hit my kids ONLY BECAUSE of DSS. If you hit your kid and get reported you got a problem. I WAS once reported and DSS as well as Family services SUCK BIG TIME. I have no use for either of these departments. While I am sure they have done good for kids, they have NO CLUE as to how kids should be raised. If either of them EVER come to my home they best have a warrant and the cops. Cause they ain't getting in. Kids do something wrong and they should be punished. Be it a slap alongside the head, a belt on the butt, or some other suitable punishment. This time out stuff don't cut it in my book.

Answer 8

I can remember only once that I got it good! I cant even remember what I did but I had to go out back and pick a willow branch and OUCH it hurt like the devil! BUT it did teach me a lesson cuzz I never did what ever it was again!!!!!! Things have changed soooooo dramatically since our time! Once upon a time they took ya for a walk past the shed and WHAM a switch hittin your butt! Now if u even threaten it- some places consider that emotional abuse! I have a 16 year old son who is honor roll and never been in any serious trouble but my way is to take away his cell fone-computer-stereo -and video games for a day or so!

Answer 9

My father mostly used a belt on me, I have scars on the backs of my legs from it. He also used hsi fists, broke my nose and damanged nerves and muscles on the left side of my face. Maybe where YOU were living at the time they still hit kids in the 80s but around here that was something that had been left behind in the 60 (I was born in the 50s,)The school of thought back then (with wives as well as children) was that a man "had" to beat them to keep them in line. We can thank the woman's movement for changing that attitude. I never hit my daughter never felt the need to. If you parent properly and intelligenly you don't have to resort to hitting to get a child to behave.

Answer 10

Smacked, Beaten many things experienced in the 70/ 80`s by myself. I do not however condemn some of what I received.

In some aspects a light smack on the legs I feel was in order, having my fingers slapped for touching. etc... All things I feel have installed some form of manners and discipline in my life and have kept me on the straight and narrow.

The Belt of the Slipper was I felt too far..... and would never lift my hand to my own children in that way...

Answer 11

I got smacked around by both my parents, I resented it, I would of rather they talked to me instead or punished me in some other way, but that is just the way they were. I swore when I was older and I had kids someday that I would never lay a hand on them in anger, I have 2 beautiful girls that I would never dream of smacking. I feel so good about my decision, I see other parents hit their children in stores, across the street and it just turns my stomach.I personally think that smacking children is abuse any way you look at it.