I have been with my GF for almost a year now, and she still has $23,000 in debt and all she wants to do is get married. I told her that is not possible until it is paid off. She works minimum wage and only pays the interest payments. To top it off I can't stand her family..her dad is a drug abuser/alcoholic and her mom is very confrontational and seems cold hearted. My GF lives an hour drive away from me so I only see her on the weekends. I feel like I am wasting time being with her. How do I nicely move on and start a new life without her? I don't want to hurt her feelings. What should I do?
2006-11-21 13:42:45 · 18 answers · asked by zephyr_0_8 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I don't blame you for wanting to move on, and I think you are making a wise decision by not marrying her. I think what you have to do is get together with her and be very honest. Maybe even write yourself some notes to take with you when you do this, because she will cry, and you may forget some important points. I come from a very dysfunctional family, and I can totally understand why someone wouldn't want to marry into it. She'll be hurt, but maybe she'll understand. Either way, I think you are right, and are doing the best thing for yourself by ending this relationship now. There is no way to avoid hurting her, but you can end this in a respectful way, and leave her with her dignity. You can start out by telling her that this just isn't what you want, that you aren't happy, you don't feel like you are right for each other, you don't feel like this is something that can be worked out and that you really want to move on. Then you can get into the details like her debt and family...if that is necessary. If you are REALLY sure that you want to move on, than move on, you only have one life and you have to live it for yourself. Good luck.
2006-11-21 13:53:00 · answer #1 · answered by Kerry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are wise to decide to move on. And it's totally understandable why you don't want to hurt her feelings. However, no matter how well you put it, it will still hurt her. The thing to remember is, would you rather not hurt her and face a bleak future or bite the bullet and face a much brighter future?
Tell her that this relationship just doesn't feel right for you and that you need to do some soul searching. End of that story; start writing a chapter of the new one.
2006-11-21 13:58:16 · answer #2 · answered by mpicky2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you can stop telling her you and she can't get married until her debt is paid off, since you apparently don't want to go that far let alone be with her at all. The best thing to do is be honest, tell her things aren't working. It's going to be hard for her to hear but if you really want to call it off completely, don't talk about time apart or get her hopes up in anyway.
2006-11-21 13:48:11 · answer #3 · answered by d_magical_s_sweetness 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've tried answering this three times now, and erased each one.
I don't know of an easy way. Spending money has probably replaced the affection she's not gotten at home. Taking yours away will be another punch in the gut to her most likely.
It's cruel to lead her on, both to her, and to yourself. Your going to have to be honest and tell her what has turned you sour on the relationship; what parts are incompatable with the life you seek.
Good luck. I hope you stay a good enough friend to let her call and vent sometimes.
2006-11-21 13:53:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, be straight up with her in a nice way. Just explain that you're not ready to commit to her and that you need some time to be alone so you can think things out. I think it might be really hard on her if you were to just drop her cold turkey, so you might want to have some contact. Just be careful and really think about this before you do it - if you love her then her parents shouldn't matter and you don't want to have any regrets. I see where you are coming from though! Goodluck!
2006-11-21 13:47:53 · answer #5 · answered by ~*KaRmA*~ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have stated it in a nut shell... You are almost there. Be honest with her. Tell her you need to move on... Then it is up to you to follow through. If you are nice, honest and to the point then she may understand. If she is hurt, that is not your fault. Good luck.
2006-11-21 13:47:54 · answer #6 · answered by Todd Maz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is not going to take it well because she is not in a good place in her life. There is no nice or soft way to do it, just break it off and move on.
2006-11-21 13:47:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just stop the relationship right there if you keep going it might get worse just stop, stop seeing eachother stop the calling and it ends right theres mean while go have fun go to the mall that movies and get a life a new life like you said
2006-11-21 13:46:29 · answer #8 · answered by Luis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, coming from my point of view and i'm a chick........
there is no easy way to do it you gatta come right out and tell her the honest truth,
it sounds to me like she just wants to use you to get her debts paid off, just be brutally honest tell her its over and move on, thats all you can do........
2006-11-21 13:47:08 · answer #9 · answered by Stacy ` B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it doesnt seem like you've seen any positive things about the relationship...so u probably should move on...
you're better off being honest with her rather than staying with her and getting things even worse...
2006-11-21 13:51:23 · answer #10 · answered by Div 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋