highschool boy advice. DON'T come here if you're not going to take me serious, i need REAL advice!?

Question

i went to a soccer game one night, with people not from my school. this girl came up to me and said, "my brother thinks you're hot, and wanted me to give you his myspace. he's too much of a chicken to tell you himself." and she gave me a piece of paper with a link and walked away. i didn't even know who he was. i went back home and added him, and he's REALLY REALLY REALLY attractive. he talked to me a little at first, and commented my pictures about how "gorgeous" i am and stuff. i get that a lot, not to be vain or anything. he asked for my screen name. i am only 14 years old, and a freshman. he is a 17 year old junior. BUT i told him i'm a 15 year old sophomore because i was afraid he'd think freshman are lame. he's kind of a little bit of a pervert, but all guys guys his age are so i'm not worried. he wants to hang out at the mall this weekend, and he just asked me on aim "do you kiss on the first date??"

i'm kind of nervous. how do i act? what should i say? what should i doooo?

Answer 1

"Do you want to kiss on the first date?" This guy is pretty direct and not interested in "playing around," or "beating around the bush." I don't buy that bull from his sister about him being too chicken. Odds are the girl is probably not his sister, because sisters don't set-up perverted, 17 year old brothers with young, innocent 14 year olds. He is prepping you for sexual advances already, and doesn't want to waste his time on a girl who is going to resist these motives. As a general rule: NEVER meet, let alone date, anyone from the internet, even if they claim to be from your home town or school and put up a picture of a gorgeous guy (that might not be his picture) on their myspace.

Seriously, back down from him. You will get seriously burned if you take these kind of chances with dating guys from the internet.

Have you seen his birth certificate or his name on class enrollment papers? He could be lying about his age, his enrollment at your school, and his motives. Let me tell you that "myspace" is a VERY dangerous place, especially for young girls, who are oftentimes kidnapped and forced into a very disrespectful lifestyle, if you know what I mean. "Myspace" throws up "red flags" (foul, foul, foul) all over the place. It sounds like you have never even met him in person, which raises all kinds of questions about the dangerous "game" he is playing. That girl at the game could be working for him and helping him scope out young victims. Verify her identity and relationship with him by talking with her family and friends. You want real advice, you be REALLY careful about this man. Were I you, I would take careful to mean NEVER BE WITHOUT your friends in his presence, or better yet move on to more respectful men closer to your own age. If you can't move on, verify every fact about him with credible documentation and multiple sources, including age, and school affiliation. Talk with many former girlfriends about him in private, especially covering issues of respect and sexual advances. Refuse to be his next victim. If you are convinced that he poses no risk to you, and you haven't taken the steps mentioned previously, then love has made you blind. But if follow my advise and prove his identity and history for yourself, that blindness will fade and rational thought will keep you safe and respected. The risk isn't worthy it, and the troublesome age difference only throws up more "red flags" warning trouble.

Whatever you do, your parents should be in on every detail concerning him. Listen to them and hopefully they will look after your interests and help you to see the danger signs. Ensure that he meets them before you go anywhere together, so they can get a good ID on him and know where to look if something bad does happen to you.

Focusing on you a moment, lying indicates a bit of insecurity, which means your inner self is fighting you on this. Listen to your inner voice and release your anxieties with actions that honor you. Lying dishonors you and makes you feel more insecure and more vulnerable to being hurt by both yourself and others. At this point, none of this is a big deal yet because you can still honor yourself by telling the truth and putting a stop to this man, who may be something far different from what you imagine.

My answer is to let him go and move on, but I feeling strongly that you don't want to do that by your adoration of him, so I hope that your following the rest of this advise will minimize the risk of harm to you. I know this answer is a bit long, but I just can't emphasize the danger enough if you choose to meet him, especially if he takes you out of the mall to "look" at his car at which time you may be easily kidnapped and exploited.

Answer 2

yea last year i was a freshman and i dated this 17 year old senoir...a lot of freshmen girls do. But i have to say that dating him was probably the biggest mistake of my life. the fact that he asked you if you kiss on the first date, makes it obvious what he really wants. and the whole "all guys are perverted" thing...yea thats true...but the good guys keep it to themselves and the ones that want ur stuff...actually say it. Basically im just trying to point out what his intentions are. no matter how cute he is, or how nice he seems, just know in the back of your mind what he really wants. If you still want to go to the mall with him, then thats cool. but be careful!! cuz some seniors will "seem nice", then get you to do "stuff" more and more, and then they tell all thier friends and leave you hanging. dont make the same mistake like a million freshmen/ young girls make!!

Answer 3

My advice to you is to be careful because it sounds like you already know how boys are at that age. You said he is a pervert. Do you really want to get involved with someone like that? Even though he is only 3 years older than you, in high school this is a huge difference and he is likely to want to move a lot faster than you and you could get into a situation you either can't get out of easily or regret especially if he tries to make a move and you aren't emotionally or physically ready. Boys can be very aggressive and can take advantage of you. Take your time, don't rush into anything.

Answer 4

first of all, i think you've got yourself into a big mess by saying that you were a sophmore. because eventually he will find out that you're not. you need to tell him that your a freshman before you get into even more trouble because of it.

if you feel comfortable kissing him on your first date then just do it. you're a pretty lucky girl for a junior to be attracted to a freshman.

you said that he was perverted, and if this is true, he also is probably more experienced than you, being a junior. so if you're not comfortable moving at a fast pace, then just be honest with him. it works so much better then pretending to be something that you're not.

hope i helped. =]

Answer 5

First of all, tell him how old you really are. And what do you mean by he's a pervert? All guys his age are NOT perverted. I'm 17, and I'm not.....and I don't think you should be going on a date with him alone. I'd bring along a friend for at least the first couple of dates.

Answer 6

i'll answer the last first act normal dont say anything u will regret and like i sayed before, act normal.
i am a junior in high school and i will say that most of us guys are pervs but when it counts we can be well normal i guess and my girlfriend is a freshman and kiss only if u thinkhe deserves it i would say no lol but im a guy i wouldn't mind if i got a kiss on the first date ; )

Answer 7

At 14 you should not be dating, but going to a public place woudl be OK and start to chat. Tell him, that yu are not looking for a relationship, just want to be friends at 14 you should not be serious about boy's. Study you school work and get involved with sports

Answer 8

First of all, your never want to start something with a lie. Before this goes too far (even meeting at the mall) you must tell him your age. If he still wants to meet you, then just be yourself. He knows you have looks, now show him that you have a personality too. Good luck.

Answer 9

well first of all tell him how old you really are and see if he is okay with that...trust me you dont want to have to live a lie if you two do start dating.....okay on your date act like your normal self...in other words dont put on a show b/c u think he will like you better if you do....start a conversation about how oddly you two met....dont get into a really deep conversation....go and have a good time and hope for the best...after all you only live once so live life to the fullest....

Answer 10

I know high school boys are generally horny but you should be careful. He's pushing the boundaries too soon. At 14, the age difference is huge. Be prepared for the fact that he'll want sex and he's probably going for younger girls bc they're generally easier to convince (no offence)