Ok, I am Jewish, my husband is Italian, hence my Italian mother in law, who thinks the world revolves around HER! she doesnt care that our 5 month old has to eat, sleep, etc...she comes over at STUPID times...i have dicussed this with my husband, he gets NO WHERE bec of the GUILT,,,she actually called me and YELLED at me...i dont want to have a fight with my husband
2006-11-21 12:38:29 · 4 answers · asked by J P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Aha. I totally empathise with you. My mother in law is italian too and sounds exactly like yours. I FINALLY feel, after 9 years of marriage that I am 'in control' so to speak. I will tell you how I did it. The very next time she turns up unannounced, no matter what time it is, tell her "oh what a shame you didnt call first, we were just going out" and then GO OUT! Even if you just pop to the shop for some milk. Your mother in law wont know this. Now I know this is difficult with a baby, but trust me it is worth it. Now you have to keep this up. Next time she turns up unannounced say "oh I really wish you would telephone us first, then we could make sure we arent going out" And then go out again! Dont even let her in the door.
Remember you are the one in control (or you soon will be) if she wants to see her grandchild she has to do it when it is convenient for you. Dont be afraid to speak up, otherwise she'll probally run all over you. Of course there will be a backlash from her, but so what? If she rings up and yells at you - dont listen! Say quietly and firmly, "Im sorry you feel that way, but I am too busy to listen to this. When you want to discuss this calmly then I will discuss it with you. But I will not tolerate you yelling at me". Then put the phone down.
I too had to deal with bullying motherinlaw. Husband was so used to her ruling the roost. But you are the one who holds all the cards so to speak. Make sure your relationship with your husband is on track, and you will have more chance of him backing you up. For me, this means, lots of sex. For your husband it might mean a nice dinner, or whatever. Anything that makes him really appreciate you. Then bring up the subject of his mother. However you have to be careful coz my motherinlaw is really good at playing the martyr. Sounds like yours is too - guilt etc.
I wish you all the best - just dont allow her to manipulate you. You are an adult - the same as her, and you run your own household. It is time to put up the boundaries. Then you will have a better chance of forming a relationship with her. Its true for me - after years of a major power struggle, my mother in law are getting along somewhat. I hope that is true for you too. All the best!
2006-11-21 13:02:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to explain to your husband that he married you, not his mother, and you are miserable in the current situation. He needs to be the man that you know he is and stand up for his family.
If that doesn't work, try a double keyed deadbolt on the door. Then make sure you have the only key. Hard for the mother in law to get in the door when it's locked...
2006-11-21 12:41:53 · answer #2 · answered by Big Super 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The ethnicities are not relevant here.
Maybe you and your husband need to get away from her for awhile. Maybe just don't answer the phone for a month or so.
2006-11-21 12:42:05 · answer #3 · answered by kurticus1024 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
TONGUE IN CHEEK --- INLAWS ARE OUTLAWS.
2006-11-21 14:01:34 · answer #4 · answered by wisdom tooth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋