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Did you hear about the Mexican who threw his wife over a cliff?
When the police officer asked him why he'd done it he said, "Tequila! Tequila!"

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were standing looking at a prize cow in a field.
The Englishman says "Look at that fine English cow."
The Irishman disagreed, saying "No, it's an Irish cow."
The Scotsman thought for a moment and then clinched the argument. "No, it's a Scottish cow - it's got bagpipes underneath!"


An American, a Scot and a Canuk were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth."

He continued, " So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his."

2006-11-21 12:23:23 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music Jokes & Riddles

13 answers

I'm laughing at your funny jokes! LOL!~


=)

2006-11-21 12:27:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2 0

love them.

heres one ( i hope nobody is offended by this reference to religion - its not meant to be insulting at all)

A drunk man flops down on a seat next to a priest. The man's tie is stained, his face is smeared with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin is sticking out of his coat pocket. He opens a newspaper and begins reading.
After a few minutes the guy turns to the priest and asks, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" The disgusted priest answers: "Loose living, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man."
"I'll be damned!" the drunk mutters, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he said, nudges the man and apologizes: "I'm very sorry; I didn't mean to be so harsh. How bad is your arthritis?"
"Oh no it's not me, I don't have it," replies the man;
"It says here that the Pope does."

OR ANOTHER

A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, ''Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" The lady was furious and continued on her way.

On the way home, she passed by the petstore again and the parrot once more said "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" She was incredibly ticked now, so she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.

The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot. "Hey, lady!" it said.

"Yes?"

"You know."

OR ANOTHER

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."

OH I HAVE SOOO MANY

BUT IF YOU WANT A LAUGH SOMETIME -

www.jokes.com - its a comedy central site

2006-11-21 20:31:04 · answer #2 · answered by maxman 2 · 2 0

okay, I get the Canadian/Scot joke, but what's the hook on Tequila?

2006-11-21 20:28:17 · answer #3 · answered by bathagent 2 · 1 0

ha ha

2006-11-21 20:28:38 · answer #4 · answered by rosey 7 · 1 0

haha funny jokes! =)

2006-11-21 20:27:26 · answer #5 · answered by ambyrrox 2 · 1 0

hahahaha funnny=]

2006-11-21 20:34:17 · answer #6 · answered by hamsa 2 · 1 0

canada rocks!

2006-11-21 20:28:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1 1

your pathetic attempt at being funny

2006-11-21 20:28:45 · answer #8 · answered by timdvrs 4 · 1 2

nope, didn't do it for me
thanks though

2006-11-21 20:25:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1 1

nice try..... happy thanksgiving!!!!

2006-11-21 20:56:21 · answer #10 · answered by Jaded Heart 3 · 0 0

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