gone back with him twice, now he's seeing some one 3000 miles away, flying to the other one,one I'm talking with, moved to be with him, she just wants to be friends with me, but if he did this and I would like to be with her how do I tell her without losing her all together,I know she is upset and maybe hurt,she knows how I feel,but want to do this right, it hurts me and want her some how to know?
2006-11-21 10:50:52 · 6 answers · asked by bluegoldwing@verizon.net 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Pull your head out and stop getting played. Shes no more loyal than he is because shes been talking to you on the side. You can do better.
2006-11-21 10:53:42 · answer #1 · answered by Paul S 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dear Bluegoldwing (lucky you to have such a nice bike!!),
You to not mention whether or not you now live close to one another. You are correct in your estimation of the present boyfriend. If he is a gentleman, he will help her get back home...if he suggested that she move to his vicinity. For you, I advise you remain the friend for now. Give her some space. She would be a very shallow person if she immediately removed her affection from the present bf and transferred it to you. Remember that relationships are not "instant." If she felt so strongly about the bf that she moved to be with him, you must have patience. Make careful, considered suggestions about what she should do in her situation. Do not pressure her right now. Do let her know you understand that she is hurt and needs a bit of space, but let her know that you are willing to be the friend who listens and tries to help...for now. I don't think she will be offended. Good luck, hon.
2006-11-21 18:59:10 · answer #2 · answered by Peanut 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have been caught up in the 'middle' of some ones else's mis directed choices. She does not know what she wants because she is not ready to continue a new relationship.
To do so right now will only bring past relationship baggage into the new one. She needs time to 'heal'. Women take love on the sleeve and into their hearts. When we hurt we hurt bad. Just like men do, but we handle it differently. Some people can just build a bridge and get over it, for others the bridge needs fingerprints on every stone placed and it needs to be re-checked before the gate is opened for the crossing. She is that person.
Just be her friend. To be in a friendship with her will be more of benefit to you, than pushing her into a one on one relationship with you right at this point in time. You will wreck any chances you may have of her allowing 'herself' to get to know you once her wounds have been 'healed'. The pain can be conditioned into our subconsciousness and then we will react in the future with responses that seem not to assimilate with that moments happenings, like emotions run over the top to what the event would normally have emotionally attracted. All conditioned reactions, unresolved issues either from childhood or just collected along the way of our lifes journey. We build bridges, baggage them, blame them on someone else...whatever. However, we will be made to 'own' it all eventually.
Relationships will be tested in 'time' on this, as conditioned reactions created more reactions to 'new' situations in our future. We can not turn a blind eye to 'inner pain' it must be confronted and released in order to be truly free.
Please allow this lady her freedom to heal. We do not own people. We must allow each other our own choices, or be responsible for the damage created when we try to control one others way of thinking or way of being.
Just walk beside her and be her friend.
For Now.
Blessings be yours in peace and light
Harriett Potty ;)
2006-11-21 19:06:34 · answer #3 · answered by harriettpotty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she has a boyfriend then you need to back off.... be her friend and that is it.
I know it sucks, but that is the best thing to do. Show respect
for her by not asking her to chose between you & her boyfriend.
Besides IF she leaves her boyfriend for you.....who is to say she wont leave you for some other guy???
2006-11-21 18:55:04 · answer #4 · answered by Trish 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all you can be to her right now is her friend, no one knows why people keep going back to the people who do them dirty but one day she will tire of getting treated like dirt but honey you cant just wait around for that to happen you need to get on with life if it works out in the future then it works out if it dont then you need to be able to say to yourself well at least i didnt wait around for nothing. im so sorry your hurt some times life really sucks.
2006-11-21 18:58:48 · answer #5 · answered by moe 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
she deserves someone who will treat her righ tall the time not just part of the time, use it.
2006-11-21 18:53:23 · answer #6 · answered by harmonieclark 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋