Pressure to perform during sex?????(NOT FOR KIDS)?

Question

I have a prob. when I am with my bf and we are havin sex, I can't reach an orgasm. He does everything the way I like, I just feel pressured to reach and orgasm as if I'm being graded or something. When he asks me about it physically I close up I want to talk but I get filled with so much emotion and nothing comes out its almost as if something outside myself is restricting me from talking. I want to just be able to relax and enjoy the sex but I spend most of the experience trying to please him but he tells me he gets pleasure from me being pleased. I love everything he does it just I feel so much pressure to reach and orgasm that i dont. What do I do? No harsh or rude answers please truly need help!

Answer 1

wow i have the same problem. I mean we have a great time and
I love it but I have not been able to orgasm. good luck and sorry that you are also having this problem

Answer 2

sex and pressure do not go together. try to relax. for one thing you don't have to have a orgasm to enjoy sex. hubby and i have what i call fun sex. i don't have a orgasm but have lots of fun giving hubby a orgasm that he thinks about all the next day. i assume you are young. i was 23 married and had a baby before i ever had one. do you masturbate. if not you should. you need to explore your own body to find the spots that fill good to you then find them spots when your having sex with b/f. the best sex hubby and i have is when we both are concentrating on our self during sex and not the other person.

Answer 3

First of all, this is fairly common; about 25% of women never have orgasms with their partner. So on the one hand there's nothing wrong with you, but on the other hand there ARE things you can do to move out of that 25%.

I suggest approaching the problem from two different directions, both geared toward relieving the pressure to perform.

First: some time in the near future, when you're planning to have sex, tell him in advance that you're giving up the need to have an orgasm. That is, tell him that you plan to just relax and enjoy sex -- enjoy all the stuff he's doing to you, and you're doing to him, and the feeling of being close.

Get the idea? There's a lot of great stuff about sex that doesn't necessarily require orgasm. Then, when you are doing that, relax and feel what's going on -- don't think about whether you're getting closer to orgasm, just think about how good it feels when he does this, or that. Just let go, and as you're letting go, enjoy the sensations. That can help relieve the emotional stress of needing to perform for him.

Second, you may simply not have "learned" how to climax from your boyfriend. Sexuality is very complex, combining intricate nervous-system responses with deep psychological needs and wants. Fortunately, addressing the nervous-system responses is fairly easy and can be a lot of fun for both of you. (And please... approach this as a lot of fun, and get him to participate in a spirit of fun. While the decision of whether or not to have sex is serious, once you've made that decision, it should be something fun, pleasurable and satisfying.)

From what you say, it sounds as though you are capable of climaxing without your boyfriend. If so, try this -- have him hold you and kiss you while you are stimulating yourself in the way that you are fairly certain will bring you to orgasm. Get yourself right up to the edge, a few seconds away from "going over the waterfall" as I like to think of it -- and then have your boyfriend enter you.

The purpose is to get yourself so close that you are at "the point of no return," so to speak, and then whatever stimulation your boyfriend provides should be enough to push you to climax.

Here's why this works: your body has learned to reach orgasm from a specific combination of sensations that you, apparently, are able to provide for yourself, but which your boyfriend isn't able to provide for you. So you provide yourself these sensations until you can't hold back, and then your boyfriend "finishes you off."

When this happens, your body will "learn," a little bit at least, how to have an orgasm DURING stimulation by your boyfriend.

Then, a few days later, you do the same thing again -- get yourself (with his help, of course) right to the brink and then have him finish you. Only this time don't get QUITE so close -- so if you were at, say, 99% the last time, only take yourself to 95% this time. Then the next time it's 90%, then 80%, etc. (Don't go farther than about 50% -- in general, it takes women longer to climax than it takes men, so you will most likely always need some "warmup" time -- that's the whole point of foreplay.)

A couple of things to consider:

Are you embarrassed or blocked by stimulating yourself in front of your boyfriend? Then you may need to approach this gradually -- and this embarrassment may in fact be part of what's keeping you from reaching satisfaction with him. Explore that; take small steps, and be forgiving -- of yourself, as well as of him. The best sex, in my experience, has always come about when we've opened up to each other in some deep, personal, emotional way and given up something that was blocking us or making us withhold ourselves from each other.

Is your boyfriend resisting or resenting the amount of time it takes to do this for you? Then make sure you approach it as something shared -- and let's face it, if he's like every other guy I've ever heard of, he'll be more than happy if you reciprocate orally.

Is your boyfriend frustrated at trying to "get it right" as regards stimulating you? Then ease up a little -- repeat the first part of this advice, which is to just relax and enjoy it ALL.

Is your boyfriend threatened by the fact that you can make yourself climax but he can't? That's a tough one to crack (and, in my younger and immature days, one that caught me out.) The truth -- that it's your own nervous system that has to adapt to him, not that he's doing anything wrong -- is probably the best policy. Let him know how much you enjoy what he's doing, and let him know it's the combination of that with what you know works for you that's going to take you where you both want to go.

Here's the thing: if you're satisfied with an average sex life, then all you need is "interchangeable parts." But it sounds as if you're like me, and an average sex life isn't good enough -- you want an extraordinary, powerful, intensely satisfying sex life. To get one, it can take YEARS of exploring your own body, your partner's body, and the way they work together. Fortunately, it's one of the most rewarding quests a human being can undertake.

Best of luck, and enjoy the quest -- it's well worth it!

Answer 4

ask him to take it slow. he might be in a rush to get his but if you boath slow sown and don't think of him when it comes time it should *** flowing threw you