2006-11-21 08:30:21 · 31 answers · asked by lisa_walker_6324 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i really love him and i am pregnant with our first baby(28 weeks) i want to get married but i am unsure about all this army stuff i want him to be alive when our baby is born! we have been together for 3 years!!
2006-11-21 09:03:38 · update #1
follow your heart. nobody else can make this decision for you.
2006-11-21 08:32:47 · answer #1 · answered by munchkin 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you love him unconditionally then the fact he's in the army really shouldn't make any difference, not being funny but you were happy enough to create a child without worrying whether he'd be dead shortly!
I'm an army wife, my husband has changed his career for me, joined a different corps in order to give us and our children some kind of home life and stability BUT deep down he's still infantry and more importantly it was HIS choice. I'm not saying that's what your man should do but there are options. If you ask him to leave the army for you I think your relationship is in danger of piling in massively and he'll be re-enlisted, probably within 18 months, sorry but I've seen it over and over-you can't make him choose between what to most blokes is extended family and you. It just won't work!
Take some time, have a serious talk as regards where he'll be deployed and what the reality of army wife life is-meet a few wives and allay those fears. As long as they're fears about the army way of life and not about whether you really want to marry him then crack on.
At the end of the day he could walk out in front of a bus tomorrow.
2006-11-21 21:01:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you love him? Or are you attached to him but not sure?
You should not marry him if you have doubts or just to please him out of sympathy for the fact that he is going into a dangerous situation. It would be fatal if you did marry and, when he came back, you found that you really had little in common. He should really not propose to marry when he knows that at the moment he has nothing to offer in terms of companionship and could leave you a widow after just a few months.
All soldiers like the reassurance that they have a girl waiting at home, and if it is a wife it makes them feel more secure. It is up to you to decide how much you care for him. Being an army wife is difficult at the best of times. You never know where your partner is going to be assigned next and you have to be prepared to be lonely, worried, and if you are pregnant to have your baby on your own and to do the bringing up of your children largely on your own too. If you are strong enough to face this on your own, then it is fine, but if you have any doubts wait .There is a saying which states that absence makes the heart fonder. Write to him, keep in contact. Prepare yourself for professions of great love whilst he is missing you, but when he is back things might be different. If you both still feel the same after his term of duty then is the time to marry him.
2006-11-21 08:56:42 · answer #3 · answered by WISE OWL 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you love him and how long have the two of you been together. if its a new relationship then you need to think about why is he asking you to marry him so soon. If you have been together for a while and you love him then you can say that you will consider it. Don't just get married because he is going back to Iraq, you need to marry a guy because he loves you, not because he thinks that he has to because something might happen to him in Iraq.
2006-11-21 08:48:40 · answer #4 · answered by Baps . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long have you known him? How long as he been in the army? How long has he got left to go?
I'm ex-army. I'm married. Married life has been tough with the deployments and the separation. I've known many marriages break under the strain, let alone other relationships. I hate to say it, but many guys on leave are just looking for a bit of the kind of action which doesn't involve bullets and bombs. Are you sure this is any different?
Try corresponding with the guy once he is back, but keep your options open. Don't promise anything you don't intend to fulfil, as believe me, that hurts more than anything when you're on the front line. And you really don't want to piss somebody off who has acess to weapons and ammunition! But if you work on the friendship aspect now, then if he is serious about you, you will be giving the relationship the potential to grow. Better to work slowly, than invest too much emotion too quickly. That goes for him as much as you.
And just one word of warning. My wife will testify that every time I've come home after being away, I'm a complete jerk. This is something to do with there being no sensitivity when deployed. Even us perfect catches suffer from this and need a few days to readjust when we come back to civilisation.
If he has seen/done nasty things whilst away, he will expect you not to understand, but still may need to talk about them. If this is the case, just listen and empathise. Don't try to solve his problems/conflicts for him: that can only ever come from within.
One final thought. Soldiers need loving too. Eventually they need to settle down too.
2006-11-21 08:47:11 · answer #5 · answered by The Voice 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even more reason to get married.
Army wives have much more rights than girlfriends, or even mother's of soldiers children.
If you marry, if anything happens to you (you or the baby get ill) they will bring him home.
And, god forbid, if anything happens to him the Army will make sure that you and the baby are looked after.
It's definately worth considering. Army wife can be a sh*tty life but when you love a soldier there's not much you can do about it.
All the best to you and your bloke.
2006-11-21 09:17:30 · answer #6 · answered by Fifi L'amour 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Devil, speaking from a Soldier's vantage point, that is probably the worst thing she could do.
If you truly love this man and are at a point where you're ready to be married, then by all means marry him. There is nothing more comforting to a deployed Soldier than the thought of a spouse at home, waiting for him to return.
2006-11-21 08:35:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry him only because he's going to Iraq. Have you known him a long time, do you love him. These are just a couple questions you need to ask yourself before making what could be a lifetime commitment.
2006-11-21 08:34:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you have to ask...then you have your answer. If there is any doubt that this is something you want to do...DON'T DO IT. Marriage is a lifetime commitment..I understand part of your reticence is worry that something may happen to him in Iraq..but if you were truly ready...there would be no question. I am not saying break it off...just wait for that final commitment...and don't let guilt that he is leaving and wanting to make him happy before he goes...sway you. You don't do him any favors marrying him because you feel bad.
2006-11-21 08:41:41 · answer #9 · answered by silentscreamer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm with someone who was in the army for 22 years. His first marriage didn't work out because they never spent enough time together. Marriage is all about sharing and being together, if you can't be together now because of his army responsibilities then wait.
2006-11-21 08:35:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
How long have you known him? If you've known him for a long time, and he seems like he is the one, And if you will truly stay loyal to him while he is fighting for his country, I say go for it! Just remember that he IS in the army, don't do it until he gets back and you can support each other, and start living life to it's fullest.
2006-11-21 08:38:04 · answer #11 · answered by larian101 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋