my son is stealing what can i do?

Question

today i realised my 14yr old son has been stealing money from me after realising £20 was missing from my purse, after talking to him he admited to stealing money from me over the past 6 month. i am now trying to find a suitable punishment.. any advice would b grately appreciated.. ty

Answer 1

Get him a weekend job until he pays you back all the money he has stolen. But trick him into revealing how much he has actually stolen from you before telling him he has a job?

Answer 2

First of all ,I'm 18,so I'm at the great age which I can see both sides of the fences. The usual "grounding never works"... it'll be christmas soon, he'll be stuck indoors anyway and they'll be movies and the like...

The key is to make HIM realise what HE what valuable things he has in life. This will eventually allow him to apreciate what you have given him and he will respect you more. The first step is to cancel the christmas presents...I know this sounds really harsh but he has been taking money so just tell him that that is his christmas present - why should you go to the expense? If you still don't agree donate the money you would have spent to charity on his behalf.

Make him do volountary work once a week for the more unfortunate people of society. For example, he could shopping for the elderly, work in a charity shop...

Try to explain to him that some people have nothing nothing - make him research on the internet some of the poverty that exists in the world.

On the plus side, he has been honest and told he has been doing it for the last six months. Therfore your PART should be:

1) Don't bring it up on every opportunity - that will just irrate him and try to rebel further.

2)Try and find out WHY he has been doing it; most common is for ciggarrettes but could be more serious. This could be a cry for help if it is something more serious...drugs,alcohol...

3) You have to learn to trust him again; if he has shown repentence, try and not hide the purse. This is only saying to him that you don't trust him and he might not come to you for help if he needs it.

If this continues...the police. It's as simple as that.

Good luck, kids sometimes get lost and need a help to get on the right path. JUST LIKE ADULTS!!!

p.s the spell checker ain't working so I'm not checking the spelling, too busy watching the football. Come on Cltic!!!

Answer 3

A young man of 14 years knows that stealing is wrong.

The way you deal with this event may make a huge difference in the life of this young man. Do not take it casually, it is a serious thing.

I would deal with this by removing from his bedroom everything that is an "extra" - stereo, TV, Computer, radio, video game, telephone. Also, tell him that TV watching has also to be re-earned.

Tell him that he has the opportunity to "buy" those things back. Then tell him that chores that he doesn't already do, can be used to earn money, which he is to pay to you! For example, washing your car - $3, washing some of your laundry - $2, helping with dinner - $2, cutting grass, hanging out the laundry, cleaning windows, gardening, lots of things can be done. He can do jobs for neighbours - walking their dogs, cutting grass, taking their kids to the park. The main thing is that he learns that actions have consequences and that he must repay you what he stole from you.

He will probably say "You can't do that!" to which you should reply "I am the parent and yes I can!" Tell him that you love him too much to let it go and that his morals and values are important to you.

You could always ask him what he thinks a suitable consequence would be. You might be surprised at what he comes up with.

Good Luck.

Answer 4

What you need to realise is that most kids do this to some extent during their teens - so he's not some really awful kid, just a normal one. However, you do need to put a stop to it. Have you tried watching any of the parenting programmes on TV? Some of these are about teenagers and contain really good advice and techniques for dealing with all aspects of teenage behaviour. Without actually meeting you and your son and knowing about your life and the way you interact with each other, it's hard to advise on what sort of punishment would be appropriate. You need to point out to him that you respect his possessions and would never take them without asking him first and you expect him to behave in the same way towards you and your possessions. Also reassure him that if he really needs money for something, he only needs to ask you for it. More worryingly, this could be a sign that he is being bullied for cash or even using the money for cigarettes or drugs of some sort. You need to have a really good talk with him to get to the bottom of this. Also why not ask him what he thinks an appropriate punishment would be. How would he expect to punish somebody that stole stuff from him?

Answer 5

I strongly suggest you read the book "Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control, by Heather Forbes and Bryan Post. It addresses some of the more extreme behaviors in post-institutionalized children, like lying, stealing, gorging, etc. Traditional therapies for this don't work. You have to remember they do this primarily out of fear.

Some kids are impulse driven; they see something they want, they immediately react, and they take it without thinking about ethics or consequences of their actions. Most of the time these are not "bad kids" in the general sense of the word. Many of them are influenced by their peers and they try to impress them with their "guts" when they are dared to do so.

Still others steal as revenge or pay back to their parents for not giving them what their wanted or needed in the first place...a control statement or punishment of sorts to their parents.

And then there are those who steal because they have a medical condition due to some type of chemical imbalance in the brain. What's a parent to do?

The good news is that most all stealing is curable. Here are some general tips to keep in mind:

* Try not to overreact to the behavior. In your anger you may resort to verbal threats and putdowns or even physical punishment that you will undoubtedly regret when you calm down.

* Cool down and arrange a private discussion to try to get a handle on the child's underlying feelings. Encourage your child to tell the truth rather than trapping them thereby pushing them into a lie.

* Help your child take the responsibility of his actions and make amends or restitution. If it involves more money that he has, consider lending the money to him and together figuring out a plan to pay you back. Keep him accountable to you for that on a weekly basis.

* Help the child know that he is not a bad person, but rather that he made a mistake and that he can correct it and hopefully not repeat the stealing again.

* Reassure the child that he is loved no matter what; that does not mean we love or accept the undesirable and embarrassing behavior.

*During a family meeting or private discussion, discuss the consequences if the stealing should happen again. Encourage the child to think of what he feels would be appropriate. Children are more apt to comply with the rule if they have helped make the consequence.

Answer 6

WHAT!? i have a long list of punishments i would love to administer..., here are some ideas

-make him get a low paying job (so it will take longer), and have him pay back the money he stole, then have him keep the job until he has payed you double what he stole.

- Since he is 14, ground him for 14 months from everything such as, T.V., games, phone, music, comiter, hanging with friends and anything else you can think of.

- Take a wet leather belt and beat the livin crap out of his rear end.

- Grab his wrists and shake hem until he crys

- Contact a local police a stationand explain that you would like your son to be treated like an inmate for 2 days and 1 night, it will scare the livin crap out of him

-DO ALL OF THE ABOVE

my neice stole 4 dollars from me once, i know it doesn;t sound like alot but i put her over my knee and (since i knew her mom spanks her that way when she disbehaves), i knew it would scare her. I had her sit that way for 1 hour while i told her how stealing was wrong. She started to cry so instead of letting her cry the whole time i popped her butt with abelt and said that if she doesn;t stop crying, i will give her something to cry about, of course it made her cry more so i continued to pop her, in the end she got 9 pops with a leather belt. When her mom got there i made her admit to her mom what she did and then her mom went into the restroom with her crying and i know she got another spanking. It worked though.

Answer 7

Well I think you should stop his spends until it is all paid back and ground him for a month and perhaps also take away his favourite thing, i.e. games console or PC, etc?

And make sure you hide your purse somewhere where he can't find it again!

Also, it is a good thing that he has admitted to it, which not a lot of teenage lads would do so if he opens up easily it might be worth finding out if there is something bothering him and that's the way he's dealing with it.

Answer 8

First of all, I do not recommend tricking him or displaying any dishonesty yourself - that would be sending a mixed message. Secondly, jumping to a punishment before getting to the bottom of things might be a mistake.

Has anything changed recently? Moved? Divorced? Under some circumstances, this can be an attempt to get attention.

Have you noticed other changes in his behavior? Is he more moody than normal? More sleepy? Grades falling? Sometimes kids get into drugs and begin to steal to feed the habit.

Answer 9

Get him a little part time job for a while, and make him purchase some of his own essentials with the money he earns (it'll give him a good lesson in how to be responsible and that you have to work for what you get). If he's grown enough to steal from you then he's grown enough to make some money of his own and pay for his own crap. I would also, ground him for a month or so...only school and his job (unless its a very special event).

Do you know what he was using the money for?

Answer 10

i think you should sit down and talk some sence into the boy . dont ask how to punish him , ask HIM why he did it in the first place. talk to him make sure he didnt spend it on drugs , if he spent it on stuff he wants(like trainers ,vidio games ect) then tell him its time to grow up and join the real world, get a weekend job or early morning paper round!
i left school when i was 11 to work full time , when i was 17 i saved enuff for a new car. a may not be much of a schooler but ive got a bit of common sence , something that isnt that common today.

Answer 11

This, unfortunately, is very common here in Brazil. Keep a close eye on the company he keeps. He is using the money for something that he thinks you wouldn't approve of. Do not necessarily think the worst, however. It could be something quite unexpected. But you must pluck up the courage to confront him with the facts. Above all, be understanding and give him what any mother should - support!