Why do I feel like this?

Question

While I was studying with the witness' an elder found out I was dating a gentleman who attended another congregation. What the elder did was go and report him to the elders at his congregation. I didn't want to get my friend in trouble so I didn't say anything else to them about my personal life. Well anyway, me and that gentleman got married because we love each other and we want to do what's right with Jehovah (God). For some reason I felt like a child being scolded when I announced my marriage. The elder toId me that I was a grown woman and able to make my own decisions, and he didn't understand why I hadn't said anything to him about still seeing this gentleman; he went to my husband's elders, that's why I kept my business to myself. Why do I feel like I just did something so terrible? I am not a baptized witness yet.

It wasn't because he went to another congregation, actually he was studying with the witnesses also. They said we shouldn't be dating because of the risk of sexual immorality.

Answer 1

I think you feel like you did something terrible because it says to marru only in the truth, and since you were not ba[tized yet, your conscience got to you. This happened in my congregation too. A baptized woman married an unbaptized man, although he was studying and eventually got baptized himself. I hope that you get closer to Jehovah and one day get baptized and live a happy life with your husband.

Good Luck

Agape

Answer 2

This question seems quite odd, and doesn't really harmonize with actual Jehovah's Witness practices. There are few congregational repurcussions for ANY adult Witness who dates ANYONE (if the two are both free to marry), and even fewer for unbaptized persons who are merely studying.

This question's use of terminology such as "report him to the elders" and "get my friend in trouble" suggests either a complete misunderstanding by the questioner or a complete failure to accurately represent the situation. It seems the worst that can be said about the congregation elders mentioned in this "question" is that they warned the couple about the risk of pre-marital sex; isn't that the type of concern that an undershepherd should demonstrate to Christ's flock?

(Acts 20:27-28) I have not held back from telling you all the counsel of God. 28 Pay attention to yourselves and to all the flock, among which the holy spirit has appointed you overseers [or "elders"], to shepherd the congregation of God

(1 Peter 5:2) Shepherd the flock of God in your care, not under compulsion, but willingly; neither for love of dishonest gain, but eagerly


The elder who "scolded" you (if that is what he did) perhaps reacted less like a perfect shepherd and more like a hurt friend or 'uncle'. Perhaps he would have liked to have been there at the wedding and shared in your joy. Perhaps he recognized that your wedding was likely an impersonal secular event, rather than a religious ceremony at the Kingdom Hall that the entire congregation could have supported.

(Matthew 22:9) Anyone you find invite to the marriage feast.


Instead of looking at all this personal interest as an invasion of privacy, why not consider whether it is simply appropriate brotherly or fatherly interest for your well-being. Now that the wedding is over, the congregation and its elders can help provide the encouragement and biblical reminders that will help the marriage be a success forever!

Learn more:
http://watchtower.org/e/19990215/article_02.htm
http://watchtower.org/e/20030915/article_02.htm
http://watchtower.org/e/20020208/article_01.htm

Answer 3

More than likely because you have not yet taken your stand for Jehovah. Perhaps things could have been handled differently, I dont know. However, remember that you are serving Jehovah, who is perfect, in an imperfect world. I am not sure of all the circumstances, but it sounds like you did the right thing by getting married. Keep faithful to Jehovah and he will bless you both. That is your main objective now... to continue to serve Jehovah.

Answer 4

I'm not familiar with the inner working of the Jehovah's Witness religion. But the dating habits of adults is really no one's business but their's and their's alone.

Why would someone "get in trouble" as you say, for dating outside one's congregation?

It all seems a bit controlling.

Answer 5

I don't know about the Witness guidelines, but you and your husband are ultimately reponsible to God. Ask God to let you know if you did something wrong (so you can ask for forgiveness and reconciliation). If He does not bring a specific wrong to your mind/heart, ask Him for peace and direction. It's always helpful to read the Bible. You may want to look up husbands and wives in a Bible concordance that will tell you everywhere it is mentioned in Scripture.

Answer 6

Some people are overly manipulative and use guilt as a way to control you. This is the sign of a bad relationship. Your relationship with this elder does not sound healthy.

Answer 7

I guess I am not understanding what the problem is? You kept your business to your self, there is nothing wrong with that. Nothing in church says you have to spill your guts about anything. It does not sound like you have anything to feel bad about.

Answer 8

I don't know anything about this church but I am not impressed by their behavior. Maybe you aren't in the right place? Maybe there are other churches which aren't so territorial.

Consider your options before committing to something like this.

A

Answer 9

Try Christianity. Religion is not supposed to be punishment. You have one life...enjoy it and love loud! Unless your into sado masscism and like feeling misery and pain.

Answer 10

Guilt is commonly used as a tool of control in such religions.