i'm a horrible person and i'm dealing with that so if you could please help me with my problem instead of telling me where i messed up i would greatly appreciate it. I was with my daughters father for 2 years before he was incarcerated. He has now been locked up for a little over a year and i have done everything to help him. I paid for his lawyer, visited him at least three days a week, sent him thousands of dollars, and spent hundreds in phone bills. about 6 months after he left i started a sexual relationship with an aquaintance of his. that relationship continued to grow and we are now planning on moving in together. I love my boyfriend very much but i'm scared to tell my daughters father that i have moved on. I have told him numerous times that i am not with him anymore but i promised him that i would always be here for him. so my problem is, do i say **** my daughters father and completly cut him off or tell my boyfriend that he has to deal with me helping him?
2006-11-21 06:33:49 · 11 answers · asked by EricaS 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He is your daughters' father, he will always be a part of your life as well as the kids (even if it is a short part)....tell your boyfriend.
2006-11-21 06:36:41 · answer #1 · answered by NOIZE 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've sent him "thousands of dollars" and spent "hundreds on phone bills." You never owed him anything. You have done way more than I would have!
What has he done for you except get himself in trouble and be forced to leave you and your child to go to prison? He did help you create your wonderful daughter, and that is the only connection you now have with this man. It's going to be important for you to allow them to know one another, but past that...You don't owe him ANYTHING!
You say that you've told him "numerous times that you're not with him anymore", so you aren't cheating on him. If you feel you must tell him about your new boyfriend and you moving in together, (which is probably a good idea considering your child will be there and it's his right to know) then write him a nice long letter explaining things. You wanted to know if you should tell your new boyfriend to "deal with you helping him out" and I think the answer is NO! Put yourself in his shoes. Pretend he has a "Baby Momma" in the same situation. Something tells me that you wouldn't allow that.
Good Luck!
2006-11-21 14:43:45 · answer #2 · answered by Teresa Dagger 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you did in the past is the past. It does make it a bit of a situation that you started up a relationship with an acquaintance of your daughter's father. However, you do have the right to move on with your life, and for the sake, and welfare of your children, I would do so.
2006-11-21 14:40:55 · answer #3 · answered by lariat_sonata 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have done enough for you daughter's father. Now it's time he helps himself. You are not responsible for him, he is your daughter's father, not your son. A lot of times we give all we have to help someone but when we stop to think about the help we give them, we're not really helping, we're just enabling them.
In the end, they are still as helpless.
Do you know why butterflies are so beautiful? When butterflies are born, they start out as cocoons. Before they can fly, they have to struggle out of their cocoons. One day a man saw a butterfly trying to break out of its cocoon. He thought he would help this butterfly by cutting the cocoon and freeing it. After this butterfly was freed, it came out all crippled and could not fly. The process of breaking out of a cocoon gives the butterfly a chance to strengthen its wings so it can fly.
This is what we do to people we love when we make things easy for them.
Be happy and don't feel guilty about your new found love. Don't listen to what anyone says, listen to what rings true for you. You've done so much and you've done enough. And by the way, you are not a horrible person.
Take care.
2006-11-21 15:00:04 · answer #4 · answered by mpicky2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you will have to deal with both. you need to talk to your current and past and confront the issue and move forward. i would definitely limit my time to your girls father but would not turn my back without explaining. i have found going around the back side of the fence to deal with a situation will only lead you back to where you started with more repare to do. be honest and get it off your chest and move on so that you all can be happy. naturally we don't want to hurt anyone but you can not avoid that and as a matter of fact i think your girls dad is very very lucky to have had you help and support him this long. so he should be greatful..........
2006-11-21 14:43:27 · answer #5 · answered by Teenie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm... I would tell him u moved on.. u cant spend ur whole life trying to make everyone happy or waiting for someone or you will never be happy... I think you should decide what would be the best thing for you and your daughter... Good Luck... :)
2006-11-21 14:38:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're stuck with him on occasion because he is your daughter's father. He will want visitation with his daughters & you really can't prevent that..
2006-11-21 14:37:01 · answer #7 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if its gonna b a wile b 4 he gets out then stay with yo bf and when your ex gets out its just tuff luck
2006-11-21 14:46:16 · answer #8 · answered by MENTALLY UNSTABLE MAN 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your boyfriend is just going to have to deal with it and if he doesn't want to then he can move on
2006-11-21 14:37:30 · answer #9 · answered by BROWNLYN 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its your call really.
who do you like more?
Why was he in jail, what did he do? Can you forgive him?
Who does your daughter like more?
Its up to you. Tell everyone involved what is happening.
2006-11-21 14:37:53 · answer #10 · answered by kurticus1024 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋