I am 33, newly single with a 2 year old, every year my family has Thanksgiving dinner. This year I really do NOT want to go. I fell like I will let them down if I don't, but this year I would just like to have some quiet time, me and my son. My family has not been very supportive over certain things in my life, I feel like they beat me down instead of lift me up. But I still feel obligated to go. I am not trying to intentionall cut them out of my life, but it is my life, and I would like to live it wihtout feeling I have to answer to them about everything I do. I really don't have any friends, so I would like to devote my time to myself and my son. Any suggestion, or am I completely in the wrong.
Thanks alot!
2006-11-21 06:24:48 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If you feel that Thanksgiving this year is best spent with just you and your son, then that probably is the best for you this year. After all no one wants to hang around someone on Thanksgiving that doesnt want to be there. So I say, heck yeah, do something special or meaningful with just you and your boy!
2006-11-21 06:26:37 · answer #1 · answered by NOIZE 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I am 43 and recently told my Mother to stay out of my life until she could learn some boundries. I have struggled over the feeling that I am a "bad son" and come to the conclusion that's not true. At some point in our lives our parents need to realize we are equals and respect us as such. For our part we need to set the boundries.
If you don't want to spend Thanksgiving with your family just politely decline the invitation without an excuse and enjoy the time with your son.
2006-11-21 06:32:16 · answer #2 · answered by chuck 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not have to fell bad about not wanting to spend your whole Thanksgiving day with your family!! What you can do is spend majority of your day with your son (wake up early and watch the parade with him or what not!!) Make hand turkeys with him....bake a turkey cake with him....look below!! And then around 5:00 or so then go visit with your family!! and you do no have to stay the whole time either. I mean stay for a while let them know that you still love them or what not!! You do not have to feel bad about not wanting to spend your whole Holiday with them!!! but what I found that works that take this head on.....let them know how you truly feel about what's going on I'm sure they will back off some (in their way)!!!
2006-11-21 06:37:26 · answer #3 · answered by Jessica Renee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all at the age of mid 30's you are absolutely correct...you should not have to answer to your family but you may be partly to blame for this too...if you share all your life events with them...then of course they are going to give you their opinion and you will be the theme of conversation at the table...that is what most families do. So my advice to you is to keep your personal life and relationships to yourself, i try not to worry my family over my personal problems. Besides your family now mainly consist of your 2 year old, you have your own circle now which is directly affected by your life decisions (now your son). If you think you will feel guilty about Thangsgiving then give them a quick visit, I am sure they will enjoy seeing your 2 year old more than anything else and after a couple of hours just tell them the truth..."you have special plans with your son" there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I think that it is important (if you celebrate Thangsgiving) to surround your son by family, this is essential for his emotional health and stable growth. It is important that he feels that he has a family beyond his dad, especially if he experienced a divorce, he may be suffering from seperation anxiety and family will give him a sense of belonging. He will appreciate the time that he spends with them, especially if he hardly has contact with them. Remember, you now need to start thinking what is best for your son and try to put family differences in second place.
From a divorced mom.... Good luck.
2006-11-21 09:01:28 · answer #4 · answered by jayjay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are exactly right. If they didn't support you in the things you needed the most support in and you feel like they've let you down then don't go. You don't need their advice to keep moving on. I see that you are already stronger than you think. If you ever need anything you can IM me or email me. If I get it in time, I'll email you back. I don't know nothing but nothing but I do know a lil bit of everything and Ill try and help the best that I can. I know how you feel. My dad dies when I was 7 and after that I lost touch with his family. when I went around them I felt like a stranger. My grandma died nov. 4. when I went to the funeral they all tried to act as if nothing in the world was wrong.
2006-11-21 07:02:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's how you feel, you are not wrong for feeling that way...My suggestion to you is that you compromise by make something together with your 2 yr old (cookies or a pie), then bring it to your family's dinner and (the respect) to say your hellos and then leave. Tell them that you have other people to visit and they'll understand. You don't want the regret of not seeing people before they pass away...Plus, it will give you the opportunity to show how much you and your kid can make it on your own and yall will still have enough time to do somethings together. Just a pass by would do...you don't have to stay...
P.S....don't get blocked in when you park so you can get away faster.
2006-11-21 06:33:24 · answer #6 · answered by angelic1302 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if you just want to spend quality time with your son on Thanksgiving, there is nothing wrong with that. If your family has not been supportive of you, than you should not feel guilty about not getting together with them.
If you are sure you can handle the holiday alone with just your son, and not be sad than do just that.
2006-11-21 06:32:01 · answer #7 · answered by lariat_sonata 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know its hard. I know during Thanksgiving everyone gets with the family, but if this year you want to spend it just at home with your son, its okay. Your family being your family has to respect your decisions. You don't have to explain why to them,.but remember your family is your family and sometimes it seems they are not supportive and don't care but you know they do love you and no matter they will always be there for you.
2006-11-21 07:32:24 · answer #8 · answered by muñeca 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyday is a day of thanksgiving so no matter what day you decide to be with your family it will be a day of thanksgiving. I don't like the word obligated. Family is a commitment and not an obligation. Obligation signifies a lack of something. Maybe the something is within you. Maybe your child needs to be with you and maybe you need him. But mom, dad, sister and brother are still your family too. Don't forget in all things give thanks.
2006-11-21 06:47:18 · answer #9 · answered by LOLO W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember this... You don't get to choose your family, so you don't have to like them or get along with them. Don't feel obligated to go, but don't you want your son to know them? Never talk bad about them to him. Maybe you can get out of it by telling them that you are taking your son to see his mother's family and that you will stop by the day before or after. Then, hope you don't get caught in a lie!
2006-11-21 06:29:50 · answer #10 · answered by harleychic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already have your answer, Sweetheart.
The only thing that can make this decision for you is your Conscience. Go with your instincts on this one. Even if we end up feeling in the long run like we did wrong...If we truly did what we thought was right at the time...It is so much easier to forgive ourselves for something that comes to be a mistake.
2006-11-21 06:29:59 · answer #11 · answered by Teresa Dagger 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋