here's the deal...this guy and myself have been friends online for over 2 years now. About a month ago we decided to meet IRL to see what would happen. He lives about 2 hrs away.
We got together 4 weekends (fri-sun) and hung out...things progressed somewhat from hand holding and cuddling to being more frisky but no sex. After his fourth visit he told me that when we'd started getting "more physical"...like me touching his chest and thighs....etc. that he was getting anxious and didn't know why.
He said he's totally attracted to me and gets sexually aroused so he didn't know what the problem was.
When he went home he said he was going to think about things. He made lists of things important to him and "us" was #2 right after his family but he still can't pinpoint the anxiety so he doesn't want us to continue into a relationship like that at this point. Other stressors in his life school and work, but he says these aren't the problem either.
2006-11-21 05:40:18 · 10 answers · asked by A B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He hasn't been in a relationship in 7 years and his only other "serious" relationship was back in college and ended after 4 years after she cheated on him...but he says that's not the problem either.
Kind of frustrating for me...
He doesn't want to loose me and cries about this all the time. I said we could backtrack to be just friends again if he'd still work on the problem since he wants us to be more. He says he will but is also like, I may never figure this out.
2006-11-21 05:40:34 · update #1
I am really confused and not sure what to do. Do I just go with the friends and not worry about it...as I already love him and want more. He really acts like he wants more until we start getting "too serious"....Does he really want it or just playing me for a fool? I mean, he could have gotten sex but put on the breaks first...which is good since he didn't want to make my hurt worse.
But is this "anxiety" just about me and something that's never going to clear up as long as he's with me?
2006-11-21 05:40:52 · update #2
He might have some moral issues about premarital sex.
He might have another girl friend.
He might have herpes or HIV.
He might be gay or bisexual.
Ask him flat out. If he can't give you an honest answer, you have to find another boyfriend. He sounds like a wimp.
2006-11-21 05:50:15 · answer #1 · answered by Jack C 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you need a constructive outlet for your energy. Look into local activities or possible hobbies. It won't hurt to try the groups out. You will probably pick up some great pointers. I used to be very anxious as well. Then my brother died. I realized that all those things I used to worry about just weren't that important. Think about the true importance of the things you get anxious about. I doubt any of them are really that important. Then release your energy through a hobby. I also write in a journal to let out the emotions.
2016-03-29 04:25:59 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you really want an emotional man? I see that as being a bad sign, but then again that's just me.
He's probably seriously insecure. He probably never expected it go get this far. I'm sure he's been 'hurt' before. He's probably not sure if he can trust you....et cetera et cetera.
It's a new relationship, don't rush into things. Net life is not real life, so take it slow now that you're seeing him in person. By taking it slower, you'll reduce his anxiety.
Your boy there is probably torn between yearning to marrying you and completely running away. Let him get his head on straight....take it slow or he might spaz and run off for good.
2006-11-21 05:44:33 · answer #3 · answered by Corn_Flake 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you may have answered your own question; he hasn't been in a relationship in 7 yrs.. Give him time, he's just a little nervous. Don't push him for an answer/explanation; that could worsen his anxiety. It will happen when it's meant to. Until then try to be understanding, & let him take the lead physically.
2006-11-21 05:45:16 · answer #4 · answered by pr1ncezz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His anxiety is not a good indication of a lasting and meaningful relationship. The fact that he cries over it may signal a manipulative personality. Do you want to be involved with someone who will manipulate your emotions?
2006-11-21 05:45:15 · answer #5 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
just give him time, you guys really dont know each other, and just meeting in person only 4 times doesnt help that. you need to see each other more oftin, in person, and just let things happen. dont try to go straight to sex. go out, have fun, get to know each other better. if it is supposed to happen it will, and the more comfortable he is with you, the less anxious he will be.
2006-11-21 05:45:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You must pray for him...visit nice places, let him understand that you care for him...he's a bit insecure! Ask God's help...you'll be better after that!
2006-11-21 05:44:32 · answer #7 · answered by tatal_nostru2006 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
he has some seriouse issues and I am not sure it would be healthy for you to have contact with him until he figures it out.
This is not meant as shock but it sounds like he may be gay and is having a hard time with it
2006-11-21 05:44:23 · answer #8 · answered by keith s 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
push him little hard if he don,t get ca--- then see but watch ur step or go to www.usSearch.com and check his record.
good luck
2006-11-21 05:47:40 · answer #9 · answered by nighthawk 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he likes you so much he doesnt want to loose you. get counsaling that'll help.
2006-11-21 05:43:11 · answer #10 · answered by question man 911 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋