On Thanksgiving Day my husband & I will be announcing that we are adopting my 26 yr. old neices baby, the baby is due next August. She has three children now ages 11, 5, and 3. She cannot support any of these children on her own. Her mother is taking care of them for her. I am worried that the extended family will not be happy about this. I need advice on how to deal with family members who do not agree for one reason or the other. My husband and I have four children between us already ages 13, 11, 9, and 8 and we are excited to think of a new baby that we can raise together. We have no children together, the four we have are from previous marriages & we have both been fixed! We are totally equipt to raise another child. Financially, mentally, physically and emotionally. I think that the family is going to oppose on the grounds that there are two other family members that feel they are better candidates for adoptive parents.
2006-11-21 05:38:28 · 15 answers · asked by Feeling Froggy 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
The end of July, beginning of August is the guestamate of her due date. We go to her first prenatal visit on December 6th and will get a more acurrate date then.
2006-11-21 05:43:28 · update #1
I feel your anxiety completely!
We actually went through the same thing a few months ago. Both you and your husband feel that you are totally capable of giving everything to this child, and you have the experience, so stand your ground. Obviously your neice feels that you are most worthy of adopting her child, and that is the biggest hurdle! Now, as far as convincing the family that this is the best thing to do, is a real doozy! We tried with no avail on numerous occaisions. In the end, it was left to us to know when to "suck it up" and walk away. So that is what we did. We now have our 4 sons, and our baby girl! Honestly, no matter how hard we tried to "state our claim", the only thing that worked was to leave it be. In the end, everyone sees how wonderful things have turned out. We are all a very happy family!
There are other things to consider, especially when adopting "in the family", so if you need any advice, or just need to talk, I'll be here.mamaofthesweetest4@yahoo.com
Congratulations! and God Bless.
mama
2006-11-21 05:50:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
it is that child mother's place to choose who she feels would provide the best home DOSE NOT MATTER what other family feels is best. Also so you know i belive you will have to get a homestudy thru the state done to be deemed a adoptive parent. I had a issue with this my ex HUBBY and i were going to adopt a family members baby we ran into a bunch of leagl issues in the end she kept the baby after he was 2 months old nothing we could about it. Also if there are a lot of stable family has anyone thought of helping this girl out first instead of just taking the baby from her? WE talked long to the baby's mom from my ex's family we let her know we would help her keep the baby we would buy the crib and car seat stuff she was dead set against keeping him untill he was born. I am glad after all was said and done she did keep him she has been a great mom to him. It was a emotional rollercoaster going thru that it was all made worse by it being family and everyone putting in there say so on her and the baby and us. She is so newly pregnant i think you might be jumpig the gun ANYTHING could happen between now and the birth
2006-11-21 05:46:43 · answer #2 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about it, if the parents of the child have already agreed to let you adopt the child and you're financially able then your other family members can't say anything anyway. The Judge will evaluate how well he believes you'll be able to raise the child and then you'll be able to adopt without a problem.
This may cause a bit of an unhealthy balance in the family but there is nothing you can ultimately do about it. It sounds like no matter where the child ends up somebody else in the family would be angry and jealous about it, so just don't worry about it and move on :)
2006-11-21 05:41:46 · answer #3 · answered by winds_of_justice 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Though the other family members may not like it, it's entirely her choice. If SHE feels that you guys are the right "candidates" then so be it. If they are mad they will soon get over it. I would say that maybe if there is a certain family member who hasn't had the chance to have their own children and they are just as qualified then maybe you would want to consider them as well. It all boils down to what's right and what's best for the child. Again, it's entirely up to her who gets her baby unless for some reason the state's involved and she has no choice but to give the baby up. It sounds like the decision has already been made and they can either accept it or not. But I'm sure they will eventually come around if they are that upset about it... GOOD LUCK!
2006-11-21 05:45:46 · answer #4 · answered by mother_flower 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If she is due next August, that is about nine months away. Are you sure she is even pregnant? Also, you should encourage her to get her tubes tied when she is in the hospital, as women who cannot afford more children, should figure that out at some point. Has she used any drugs or alcohol during the pregnancy? Be careful so you don't end up with a child with numerous health and emotional problems.
As far as the family's opinions on who should adopt the baby, they need to butt out! If your niece has chosen you for the honor, that is the only thing that matters. Maybe you shouldn't announce it at this time. Wait until closer to the due date, then you won't have to hear about it as long.
2006-11-21 05:42:57 · answer #5 · answered by schweetums 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you and your husband are willing to take on this responsibility and the birth mother is in aggreement, who cares what the other family members think. But if she's only days pregnant you may want to wait awhile before you make the big announcment, then God forbid if something should happen in the pregnancy you won't have everyone mad at you. Wait til the time is right, Thangiving dinner is not the time,, Oh by the way We're adopting so-N-so's baby, pass the cranberries, that just doesn't seem right.
2006-11-21 05:55:20 · answer #6 · answered by MKM 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ultimately it is up to the mother of the child. If she wants you to adopt the child then that is a good thing. If the family doesn't agree then they don't agree. You can't make everyone happy. Maybe wait for it to be the last thing you announce at thanksgiving so you can at least enjoy your Thanksgiving dinner.
2006-11-21 05:42:38 · answer #7 · answered by Glee 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The final decision rests with the mother of the child. Perhaps she feels that you and your husband will raise her child closest to the way she wishes her child to be raised. If the family is upset by this decision, assure them that this child is still a part of this extended family and that you would appreciate their love and support.
2006-11-21 05:50:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
why wouldnt they be supportive of you adopting a child whose mother can not support it? My sister allowed my parents to adopt both her son which she had at age 18 and 19 they always knew she was their mother but grandma and grandpa where the ones that took care of them. If they can not accept it then they arent worthy of being in your life or that childs life. And maybe your neice needs to have her tubes tied or informed of where babies come from so she stops having them
2006-11-21 05:51:36 · answer #9 · answered by texas_angel_wattitude 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The final decision is the birth mother's. If she chooses ya'll over the other family members, then so be it. If they say anything, tell them its her choice and ya'll are happy to raise the child. Its sad if other family is jealous that ya'll get the baby. It shouldn't be a contest.
2006-11-21 05:42:45 · answer #10 · answered by Velken 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋