My bfriend and I have been together 4 years and its been a rocky road. He has cheated on me in the past. I have cheated on him in the past. We both are trying to learn to trust one another again. Here is my problem...no matter what I do he finds suspicion in it. One major issue that always comes up is my cellphone. If I lay it face-down on the table,he thinks its suspicious. In my defense, when i get off the phone and proceed to lay it down, I dont consciously THINK about whether the damn thing is face up or down! I mean, its got an audible ringer AND vibrator in it so if I cant tell by those two alerts that my phone is ringing,somethings wrong. And he trips out if he sees my phone on vibrate or if I leave it in my purse. In my defense, I like to listen to my car stereo loud when im driving so yes I do put it on vibrate and lay it between my legs so I will feel it if i get a call. Half the time, i forget to put it back on ring mode and/or take it out of my purse. Feedback??
2006-11-21 05:29:43 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If you want to continue the relationship with him, due to the fact you have cheated and yes I heard he cheated also, but if you want to continue this relationship, it will take time for him obviously and maybe you too, to trust each other. You will need to calm his fears and if that is something as little as laying your phone in the upright position do it. You must act as though there is nothing you are hiding. He feels through your actions that you are once again hiding something. A part of you may even be enjoying it as it keeps the jealousy and lets you know he cares. But remember sooner or later he will get tired of worrying and will let the relationship go, the better thing to do is calm his fears.
2006-11-21 05:37:51 · answer #1 · answered by Elvira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who cheated first? If he cheated and you forgave and accepted him but cheating on him back then you havent forgiven you simply got even.
2 wrongs don't make a right
now say it out loud
"2 wrongs don't make a right"
If 2 wrongs don't make a right then what do they make?...
Thats right.. A wrong...yes 2 cheater made a wrong. You are now living the consequence of "2 wrongs don't make a right"
Now you must deal with it or change it. You cange it by leaving him. If he stops you then he must forgive you and must stop finding everything so suspicious. Maybe it will serve as a wake up call...for the both of you.
2006-11-21 13:37:28 · answer #2 · answered by loanbrokerprograms 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me to be an unhealthy situation. You two have both cheated on each other, so of course the trust is very hard to regain. That is the reason why he is always accusing you of what ever it may be. I had trust issues with my ex, I flat couldn't trust her because she cheated, so I had to end it because I didn't want that feeling any more. Maybe what you can do is talk with him heart to heart and tell him you are sick of it, and I do hope that all of this will work itself out for you.
2006-11-21 13:38:54 · answer #3 · answered by Light Bringer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand his suspicions, and you should also, since you have cheated and so has he. Maybe is takes a bit longer to heal from your cheating that it took you. IF you care about this relationship then you have to deal with it for awhile. you were both wrong. If your relationship has been rocky for 4 years, then maybe you need to think of moving on or going to seek help together.
2006-11-21 13:34:09 · answer #4 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Putting the phone bw your legs on vibrate eh? Interesting idea! Anyway - I don't think you two are right for each other. Personally - once someone cheats on you, there is no going back. That stigma will always be there
2006-11-21 13:32:24 · answer #5 · answered by QnA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
from my life experiences i have learned that the person that does most of the accusing is the one that is doing something wrong....yes you both may have done things wrong in the past but are you totally tripping out on him if he lays his phone down wrong???? you might want to do some investigative work to see what he is doing when he is not with you!!!!
Good luck and i really hope i am wrong!!!!
2006-11-21 13:35:47 · answer #6 · answered by polarbaby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is having more trouble than you are in the trust dept. I've been taught that if you forgive someone for something, then it has to stay in the past. I don't think he's going to forget.
2006-11-21 13:33:47 · answer #7 · answered by Lori 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly if the trust is not there the relationship can not flourish. From your writing there have been more downs then up so I would suggest ending the relationship and being in one that is healthier for you.
2006-11-21 13:34:28 · answer #8 · answered by Mike 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, good luck ever trusting each other again. Since you both cheated thats going to be pretty hard...you could play his game and get really jealous and paranoid to him to see how he likes it.
2006-11-21 13:33:20 · answer #9 · answered by Stephanie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he won't let himself trust you again. I dint' think this will ever go away, you might want to think about ending your relationship. I have been through the same thing.
2006-11-21 13:33:35 · answer #10 · answered by Tabitha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋