I have been dating a guy for almost 2 years. When we first started dating we talked about children and he said that he does not want to have children of his own. Which was ok with me because I have a child already, which he is cool with, and I am quite content.
Now, every now and then he will say things like, for example if I do something goofy he will say something like, hope our kids are goofy like you (joking of course) then a little while later he will say, but I dont want to have kids. This has happened on a number of occasions.
What do you think he is thinking? Is he starting to think that he might want to have children? Or is he just saying silly things?
Because now when he says things like that, I start to think that it might be nice to have a child with him one day, after I was so content about it lol.
2006-11-21 04:47:59 · 9 answers · asked by ny_girl11229 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I know a lot of people say just ask him, but the reason I dont want to ask him is because I dont want him to think that having kids in our relationship is a must. I will be happy either way. Do not want to pressure him or make him uneasy.
2006-11-21 05:09:43 · update #1
Hard to say, but lots of men believe that women think if their man doesn't want kids with them, he must love them less. (Which is not true, by the way.)
So maybe he's trying to make you feel good (by telling you that you would be an excellent choice as a mom), while at the same time reinforcing that he just doesn't want kids.
Maybe he just needs some reassurance that you don't feel unhappy about the choice for no more kids.
Just a guess.
2006-11-21 04:53:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First off we are all products of our environment. And nearly everyone grows up expecting and being expected to grow up, get married, and have 2.5 children (being the .5 is why being the youngest sux. jk). His statement may just be a unconcious product of that expectation, and have no bearing on his real thoughts.
Being around your children may be making him question his decision to not have any of his own. That doesn't mean he has or will change his mind. But if we don't constantly re-evaluate our own thoughts, how can we grow as human beings.
He may just be trying to convince himself he doesn't want offspring. Either he feels his DNA is flawed (alcoholism or mental health issues somewhere in his family tree), in which case not spreading the gene-pool is a wise choice. Or he may feel he does not have the proper parenting skills because his parents did not live up to his expectations. Both of these are the reasons I choose not to have children. And I think trying to talk him out of this is a mistake that will hang over your head for the rest of your lives if his reasons later prove sound (and proving them requires having a messed-up child, and nobody wants that).
2006-11-21 12:59:28 · answer #2 · answered by raptoro104 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
These are hard to answer my guess is one of two.
1) He is testing the waters. Simply he is attempting to see if YOU changed your mind because he is unsure if he has. Also it is natural as the relationship develops to start inferring what it would be like if you had kids.
2) He hasn't changed his mind and is just communicating to you the way his parents did to each other. We learn from our parents so if they made jokes like that he may just subconsciously try to communicate in the same way.
Best suggestion is to simply ask him and let him know those are mixed signals and you are currently confused.
2006-11-21 12:52:09 · answer #3 · answered by Will 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The guy has always wanted kids. I'm sure that he felt pressure to not want new children to compete with the one you already have. Now that he has come to love and trust you, he's trying to hint that he would like children.
2006-11-21 12:51:20 · answer #4 · answered by texascrazyhorse 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask him! "Are you starting to think you might want to have children or are you saying silly things?"
2006-11-21 12:53:31 · answer #5 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well he mite want one since hes getting attached to your son so he thinks havin one of his own would be even better or he can like u say mite jus be jokin around
2006-11-21 12:56:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
only time will tell! it does sound to me like he want to have children but not right now, and maybe you will change your mind too? good luck!
2006-11-21 12:55:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
he is having a change of heart when it comes to you and him
2006-11-21 12:53:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask him!!! DUHHH
2006-11-21 12:56:52 · answer #9 · answered by mr_dark_eyed 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋