Do people who have no children insist on giving you parenting advice?

Question

My oldest is almost 17 (also have 2 other boys 15 and 8) and from the time that I concieved, I constantly had people telling me what I should or shouldnt do, espcially my brother who has no children and has pretty much never even been around kids. I think its one thing when a parent gives you advice since they had already been through the same things but when they've had no children then put thier 2 cents in, dontcha just wanna say "Did I ask you??"

BTW, this is a general Q. I dont have a specific problem I am referring to. I guess this is more like a rant.
And my brother, I rarely even talk to anymore so....

Answer 1

I agree. Its very annoying and usually the "advice" is very flawed. Its easy to read something in a book or on a website and then go spouting it to mothers. Its another thing to have struggled through the issue with your own kids and have a few suggestions that worked for you.
The first time my sister asked potty training advice, I gave it to her. My mouth hit the floor when she called me back the next day and said it was working. I never expected her to try it that fast, or accept it so fast. I was happily shocked!

Answer 2

I spend a lot of time on the parenting section, mainly because I find it to be the most interesting one. I have no children, but do answer a lot of questions about them. 1/ I think I have enough common sense for the job and I am very observant so I often recall things I have seen or heard. 2/ not having children can give you a different perspective on certain things as well 3/ Some of the things I have answered using my experience as a child, as everyone has been one. For example is someone asks what is going on with their teenager, I can reply "well when I was a teenager, I felt that way, so maybe it's that". I do answer many divorce questions, being myself the child of divorced parents (which makes me more of an expert on the subject than a married mom with married parents, whether she has children or not) 4/ As a Cultural Studies students I find that most parenting questions are related to underlying cultural issues, which is something I am an expert in. 5/ Finally although I am not a parent myself, I deal with children all the time as a cinema worker, as a auntie, a former baby sitter, a teacher and generally speaking a person who knows kids. NOT being those kids parents paradoxically help to see them in an unbiased way. For example, parents who think their kids are angels who never lie don't know half as much about their own kids as I who has just caught them misbehaving and lying through their teeth in their parents' face and all this a simple cinema worker. 6/ As a woman who is not a mother yet, but who has been conssidering it for some time, I have asked myself many questions regarding parenting principles and it can help some parents to have a look at someone with a different principle, even though that person is not yet a parent (a principle is an idea you have "a priori", in other words before you tackle an actual situation, therefore a non-parent is as entitled to have them as a parent. Before you actually had your own kid, I sure hope you had SOME idea as to how you wished to parent them.) 7/And finally, because it's my constitutional right too to share my opinion if I want to. EDIT: I would also add that you wouldn't require people to have been sentenced to death or to have had an abortion to allow them to voice their opinion on these subjects. EDIT 2: The one thing I would say is that you can judge on everything. I've read a woman saying a mother she knows is exaggerating when she says she's tired and busy. Obviously if you have no kid you can't say things like that and have that kind of "know-it-all" attitude. You could, on the other hand, offer ideas for consideration if you know of another woman who has found an innovative way to deal with this or repeat an interesting idea you've heard elsewhere. That wouldn't do any harm and isn't obnoxious.

Answer 3

I agree with you 100%. The people who say they are qualified to give advice because they work with children make me laugh! I've worked as a nanny, Sunday school teacher, daycare worker, infant care managaer, after school care program provider, elementary school teacher and I took class upon class about child psychology. Guess what? NONE of it prepared me for parenthood. NONE OF IT! Working with kids and being a parent yourself are two very different experiences and you cannot even come close to comparing them. Unless you have your own children you just have no idea what it is like. I used to think I knew. I thought I'd know what to do in any situation. Kids were my career! I was good at it. I even won awards for my work with kids! And still I struggle on a daily basis with my own children and I often feel I have no idea what I'm doing. There are days I cry because I'm clueless. I'm now expecting my third child. I'm thrilled but it isn't easy and I don't want anyone who hasn't done it telling me how.

I watch NASCAR every week. I know a lot about the sport. I know a lot about cars. But I'm not about to go tell a driver how to race his car. Until I've been behind the wheel I've got no experience to base my advice on. If you've not been a parent then I don't want your 2 cents. It looks really easy to the spectator but it is much harder than it looks.

Answer 4

I have dealt with this problem. Right before the hurricane hit this year, my husband and I had some errands that we HAD to do that day. It was raining. We stopped at Subway to get something to eat, and brought my then 8 or 9 month old son in with us. We parked right in front of the restaurant so that that our son wouldn't get wet. On the way out a highschooler said "Why do parents bring their kids out in weather like this?" to her friend. I guess she thought she said it quiet enough that I wouldn't hear her. I replied, very loudly, "I love it when people with no kids tell you how to raise yours" and walked out the door. She got very embarrassed b/c everyone else in the restaurant turned around to look at her. Someone told me the best way to deal with this is to say "Thank you. When I feel you are capable of raising my child, I will take you up on your advice."
All that while smiling. I'm learning it never goes away. Now I just tell people that he's my son, so it doesn't really matter what they say.

Answer 5

I agree I have an uncle who gives child advice all the time funny thing is he abandoned kids kids at age 2 and 5 so what could he really know about raising teenagers.

Answer 6

I totally know how you feel. Isn't it totally annoying?
My brother inlaw has no kids and he pretty much doesn't like kids. Whenever my 2 year old cryes or throws a tantrum, he is always being so rude to my son and to me about how i need to handle the situation. One day i finally told him that he is my sons uncle and that he needs to be alot nicer to him. Ever since then he has cooled down alot. And i told him that it's always the ones that don't have kids that think that they know EVERYTHING about raising a child. And Talk alot of crap about kids. Im sorry that your going through that. I wish we could send all of those types of people to a deserted island!! Good Luck!!

Answer 7

YES!!!! My boyfriends' step-mom has never had kids of her own, but yet judged me for all of the decisions that my boyfriend and I have made with our two-year old daughter. She gave her two cents about everything from the type of formula we fed her, to the reasons why she was spitting up, fussiness, EVERYTHING! Believe me, I bit my tongue many many times so I wouldn't start a big fued, but it drove me nuts that she would give me advice when she has had no children herself.

Answer 8

Not to give any discredit to your 'rant', but have you considered the fact that the person giving the advice was once parented. It's misleading to imply that a person without children have no parenting experience. On the contrary, everyone has had experience with parenting, whether they were the parent or the parented. It's possible that the experience these people have been through has given them some insight as to how parenting should be done. I, for example (a parent btw) was physically abused as a child and it hurt alot. Now, I as a child know that physical abuse is wrong, because of how it affected me. Does that experience mean I have no authority to say that parents shouldn't abuse their children just because I have no children yet?
Now I'm not saying that people without children have, by virtue of their subjective experiences, authority in the field of parenting. They simply lack the perspective of a parent, but have been subjected to experiences that give them a certain level of informed decision-making with regard to parenting...
Sorry if this offends anyone. It was truly not my intention.

Answer 9

Yes, we have a family member who did this before she had children. She did it to me / friends of ours that became pregnant. After many "you should do / you shouldn't do" my girlfriend simply told her, you have no idea what you are talking about...you have never had children and you are the youngest in your family...give it up, we don't want your two cents!

Answer 10

Drives me NUTS! I am almost 14 weeks pregnant, and right now EVERYONE is an expert! I work in a bar partime, and have one particular regular customer that is single with no kids that insists I am having a girl, he says he was right with all his nieces and newpews, WHO CARES? Not me, but I just try to smile and nod. You are far from alone.