My parents and my husband do not get along. I agree with both sides on most of the issues. My parents are living in a fantasy world with where my life has ended up. I am doing perfectly wonderful beyond their expectations and they still aren't satifised. How do I make things right between them when they have said so many bad things to him? They also are on and off upsetting me by spontaniously talking trash about him. Then we talk , Then we don't. It really hurts my husband to see me upset about them.
2006-11-21 04:36:27 · 14 answers · asked by cheerleader_11_2001 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your wedding vows stated it the best .Honor and cherish,forsaking all others to cleave only unto her from this day forward. What more could any parent want than for their child(ren) to be happy with the life they have made for themselves. It may not be the parents'choice but it is not their life. I think your parents should try to keep everything in perspective.Sit down with your parents and let them know you want them to be a part of your life. However you will not let them come between you and your husband.Let them know that you would like to build a home with doors that are open not closed. It is their choice how the door works.Good luck.
2006-11-21 05:16:39 · answer #1 · answered by gussie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay so you say that you are the one in the middle. I'm on the other side of this situation. Yes you should stand by your husband. But what is the rest of the situation as far as how is your husband treating you?..Does he respect you?..Does he provide for you. Are you completely happy with him?...Maybe Mom and Dad see him for what he really is..I have a daughter in a really bad relationship...almost was killed in an accident....He did come to the hospital but wasn't a pretty site...But I did let him in. Only cuz I knew she would want him there. Not sure why...Now she is in counseling....Maybe that's what you guys all need to get into...all of you. She won't even let us try to talk to him...He'll fly off the handle...oh well, She's the one that has to live with him..and he's only a bf...It's really hard to watch a child that you have raised make wrong choices...with awful consequences...But you have to do what makes you happy. Bottom line...Mom and Dad will always be there for you no matter what!
2006-11-21 16:42:45 · answer #2 · answered by bethanne_35 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your primary responsibility, fidelity and alliance is with your husband! You have already stated that your relationship with him is good beyond belief so why should you let your parents expectations interfere with your marriage?
He has no need to endure the hardships of being between you and your parents. You are not the one that is straddling the fence, he is! He is being civil enough not to send your folks very much to hell for your sake!
You won't make things right between them. Your parents are set in their ways and nothing or no one will ever be good enough for their daughter. It is your obligation to concentrate less on trying to beat a dead horse and giving you husband the well deserved rest he needs from all the stress and BS this causes him directly and your marriage as a consequence.
Once you let your parents know, through an assertive manner, that you are not willing to put up with any more of their unnecessary criticism. It is up to them to either accept your conditions or retire from the ring, so to speak. Just think about it! They are your parents and they will always love you and not forsake you but as a married adult you have to look out for number one, YOUR MARRIAGE!!
2006-11-21 13:09:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with all these people..your parents are WAY out of line..and it's up to you to tell them so...I've been in your position...they trashed my husband so bad I ended up divorced and resented them for it! I am now remarried...but told them from the start...it would NOT happen again.....If your parents want to be a part of your life..they have no choice but to accept your choice you made in your husband. If they can't accept it..then you have no choice but to terminate your ties with them.....your spouse and marriage come first and foremost! Get off the fence and take your stand! The only person your parents are REALLY hurting is YOU....and you need to tell them that!!
2006-11-21 13:44:58 · answer #4 · answered by Shelly B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get off the fence and defend your husband to your parents. You need to tell them that he is your husband and they will either conduct themselves like adults and respect your husband and your life or your contact with them will be limited. You must follow through and be serious. They don't have to like him or love him. They do have to respect him because he is your husband (as long as he isn't drinking, drugging or hitting you).
They don't have to like your life or you choices either...you are an adult and they need to see that. When you have this conversation be kind and considerate and above all use your manners!!! You can always agree to disagree and not discuss certain topics. Good luck.
2006-11-21 12:44:23 · answer #5 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been there!!! You all should take some time off apart from each other, you and your husband should sit down and write a nice long letter about all your feelings and problems and send it to your parents. If that doesn't help, set down some ground rules that they have to listen to!!!! Same with your husband if u have 2. Good luck girl!! Remember that your HUSBAND comes 1st in your life then your parents.
2006-11-21 12:42:23 · answer #6 · answered by rhonda_seiler 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is no easy answer to this one....I've been there, I know. At some point, you simply have to tell your parents that though you love them, your first loyalty is to your husband. You don't want to lose your relationship with them, and they are entitled to their opinion....you just don't want them to express that opinion to you. If your husband has the same bad feelings toward them (as mine did) you have to pretty much tell him the same thing. Don't allow yourself to become the "bone" that the dogs fight over. My husband and my dad more or less forced me to choose, and I didn't speak to my dad for almost 13 years. After 30 years of marriage (and defending my husband to family and friends) he walked out on me...I thank God that my dad has forgiven me and we have a relationship again. Please don't let that happen to you.........
2006-11-21 12:44:55 · answer #7 · answered by SUSAN N 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are old enough to be married, you are old enough to sit your parents down and tell them-"your negative comments about my husband are unfounded, mean-spirted, and unproductive. If you have nothing good to say about him then say nothing", and walk away, when ever they proceed to trash him. Your first obligation is to him now, not them -and they have to learn this. They likely are acting out of some misguided concern for your welfare, but its inappropriate to force you to be constantly in the middle of an unwinnable battle.
2006-11-21 12:52:14 · answer #8 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a boundaries issue.
Your responsibility in your marriage is to protect your marriage from ALL OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE.
If you don't get a handle on this you could seriously end up divorced.
You are a grown woman and married, and your marriage is none of your parents' business.
They do not get a vote on this issue.
2006-11-21 13:16:31 · answer #9 · answered by Myrmaad 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree that you should stand by your husband. He is your life partner!!! Your parents' behavior is unacceptable, and if they want to continue to be in your life, they should keep their personal feelings/comments to themselves. I would tell them that you will not tolerate their negativity towards your husband. Your parents shouldn't put you in this situation, and your husband, well, I was in his situation once, and I lost all respect for my husband because he never stood by me. Our marriage ended. Don't let this happen to you.
2006-11-21 13:03:15 · answer #10 · answered by jeffandchristymoss@verizon.net 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋