what can i do to get my man involved with my 3 kids.?

Question

we both work 6 to 7 a week and i have 3 kids from a previous relationship. he is usually busy, but when he comes home, he wants to be treated like a baby too. my kids are 13,12 and 6. he doesn't interact with them by converasation or nothing, how can i explain to him that this hurts my feelings and i want him to change

i guess everyone is right, but why does he support them financially, i mean we live together and he provides everything for them, but don't want to spend time or even talk to them. i am so hurt by this

we have been together 5 yrs and living together for 5 months

ashley, i told him that we are a package, and he tells me that's why we are a couple living together and that he loves us.

Answer 1

My thoughts he's not committed to you. He sees your children as your responsibility and not his.
I dated a girl with children before and ended up being able to give her a break by taking her son to ice cream, or the park to launch rockets. It made her heart soar to see that we could have a good time and give her a break from it all.
If he's not willing to buy into the idea of loving you through your children, he's not going to be able to committ further.

Answer 2

Your "man", if he is not your husband, needs to know that you are a package deal. And you owe it to your kids to let him know that. If he is your husband, that should have been discussed long ago. That being said, you have to forget about forcing him to do stuff with the kids. Pick a family activity that ALL of you can do, and something that HE is especially interested in. Go fishing on a charter boat, go camping, go to an amusement park. Whatever will get all of you together. Make Wednesday a "game night" where you all play board games together. You are also working WAY too much, and it is taking a toll on your family. Do more with less. Once your man is comfortable interacting with the kids, he will do it on his own.

Answer 3

Just sit down with him and have a heart to heart talk and let him know that you want to be sure that he accepts your kids in his life as well as he accepts you. Tell him you are not pressuring him or how can i say this, getting angry its just that you feel a little akward that he doesnt interact with your kids when he is free. and you wanted to know was there a specific reason as to why? Tell him you are not trying to upset him or cause anything in your relationship you were just wondering and it had been on your mind for a while and you decided to ask him about it. When you ask him you have to be in a calm mood so he can know that you are not upset with him its just something that makes you feel strange. If he loves you he will understand where you are comming from when you ask him this.

Answer 4

Sounds like this is a routine that will never change. Its hard to find someone that will feel the same way about your children as you do. If he wont even make conversation then thats a sign that he doesnt want to make any effort or want to be bothered. Id give him the boot personally, but if you talk to him and things change, more power to ya.

Answer 5

I'm assuming you are unmarried & living with him.
I think that this is not new behavior for him to be ignoring your kids. I also believe you knew this about him way before you shared living space with him.
Why did you keep seeing him ("dating") if he treated your kids this way?
Why do want him to change now? This is how he's always been.
You chose to have relations with a man who can't accept your kids & now you want him to change??

Make your kids #1 priority & get rid of the bum!! Kids are innocent & they don't need all of this drama.

Answer 6

Sounds like a great guy you got there. I feel so sorry for your children. Not only do they not have a Father in the house now they have to live with a guy who doesn't even want them there. What kind of example are you setting by shacking up with him anyways? Kick the guy out, concentrate on your children like you should be! What kind of Mom are you?

Answer 7

Counseling may help; however, his lack in not being willing to work on the relationship exposes his character which is either smallness of soul, immaturity, or doesn't care. This is not only hurtful to you, it is hurtful to the children and not fair to them. Now they not only do not have a biological father in their daily lives, they have a mother whose affection is compromised with a father-figure who doesn't love them resulting in their having lost, to a measure, the undivided attention and nurturing of their mother. If having a healthy, frank discussion with him doesn't produce genuine and desired results, you should leave him and care for your children.

Answer 8

well i am not a man, i just want to give a answer..so explain to him and tell him how you feel bout it, then if he doesnt change, find another man! more than likely he aint involved because they are not his kids. men are simply and immature like that...i had the same problem 2 years ago....but he changed, but we just didnt last for other reasons.

Answer 9

dump him. Your kids are getting sick and tired of you acting like this over some man and you're making their home life miserable. It's not about hurting your feelings- it's about hurting your kids! You can't change him, but you can exchange him.

Answer 10

He wont change, its not that he doesnt realize that he needs to interact with the kids, its that he's immature and doesnt like the kids. i have a stepdad who doesnt like ANY of us kids, and its horrible, it hurts everybody, including my mom. so if you wanna know whats best for all, get rid of the guy!!!!!!!!