This question has cropped up through conversation with somebody else. . I am of the opinion that if you truly love somebody, you love them for who and what they are, and should never have a desire to change them. After all, you would then be in a position that you would have to learn to love a different them all over again. But, some people love you initially and are happy with the way you are, then somewhere down the line, they suddenly decide that they feel a need to change you. How do you all feel about this?
2006-11-21 03:54:23 · 32 answers · asked by Darkwing 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It seems you mostly think I want to change somebody. Not me... I love my man, unconditionally and wouldn't change a thing about him... I took him for who he was and that's how he will stay.
This is more a case of somebody wanting to change a friend of mine, and she goes ahead and does it because she loves them.
2006-11-21 04:04:10 · update #1
I love my other half to bits, and he me, but he does have some DISGUSTING habits but I would not change a single thing about him because he is who he is and I fell in love with him like that. His habits are foul, men in general are though, but he is very sweet and loving and I love the fact that he can just be himself around me and I know there are some things I do that drive him insane but he has never asked me to stop doing them or to change things about myself for him. People are not perfect and that is why God gave us tolerance.
2006-11-21 04:20:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very few things actually "get me by the short hairs" lol. But one that does is whenever I hear somebody talking about wanting to "change" the person they have teamed up with romantically - or have married.. When you get into a solid relationship with somebody you have come to love, and whom you feel loves you back, you have accepted the whole package.You do NOT - as soon as you feel comfortable with that person - proceed to "remake-them in your own image". In the even that you get somebody so compliant as to allow you to do that, then what you have got is a wimpy person who doesn't even have the strength of his own character.
When I first met the man to whom I have now been married for more than three decades, he had wonderful points, and he also had a few not-so-wonderful ones. However, in all the ways in which I believed we needed to be absolutely compatible, he and I were definitely on the same page. I would not be so arrogant as to imagine HE had all the "rough edges" and I had none. We were both going to have to accept a few of those "differences" in ways, and thoughts, and habits. and if two people can't do that, then they don't need to be together.
My husband still has the same "quirks and foibles" I knew he had when I married him. But when I recognise the ones that I have myself, and HE tolerates with great gentleness and good humor, I love him the more, and know that I should offer him no less.
2006-11-21 04:25:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think sometimes when we see the person we are in love with there might be something we would want to change , maybe they way they look, feel or think. Obviously we can't do that because if we did we might go back and say that we liked the person the way they were before. I think you have the right perception about taking people for who they are and not for what they have. That is the one piece of knowledge that goes a long way. I guess the question you asking most would not answer because that is a more a questions would answer for yourself and for anyone else. It should be that it what you think of that person and how you feel about them.
2006-11-21 04:01:11 · answer #3 · answered by gordonflames242003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do agree that you accept the person you love for who they are, that doesn't make their quirks any less annoying, but you still ove them. If you get the know the person well enough before you make a commitment, you will be able to decide if you can deal with their annoying habits. If a person changes their mind about you later, as cliche as it sounds it is their issue, its really not about you.
There was a quote (that I can't remember word for word) that goes something like a good marriage is falling in love with same person over and over. Even as people change throughout the years it doesn't mean that you can't fall in love with each other again and again.
2006-11-21 04:16:22 · answer #4 · answered by Tawnja N 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Problem with this is, even though you do love the person initially, they themselves change and so do you. It's part of growing up. And I don't think it's that we want to change someone (well, most of us anyway), it's when they do change and we want them to go back to the way things were, which most times is impossible. My guy and I do this with eachother also. We love eachother and will be married next year, but there are those certain things that aggravated us from the beginning of the relationship and even though we've both tried our best, we still aggravate eachother, therefore we ask the other to change or at least attempt to. Yes, we both try our best, most times we fail but we still love eachother through all our faults.
2006-11-21 03:59:50 · answer #5 · answered by GirlinNB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi Darkwing
Yes you might expect certain things to change because:
1. You don't know the person that well at the beginning;
2. It takes time to know how somethings don't go together, however hard you try.
3. Expectations change, though love may stay the same.
Good luck.
2006-11-21 04:00:16 · answer #6 · answered by B i n g o 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel the need to change the way you are to be with someone, then you shouldn't be together.
My boyfriend and I both strongly agree that you shouldn't change who you are. "Love me for who I am."
It's normal for people to change over time. Hopefully both people will change and evolve together.
I think the only time where I would willingly change something is if I had picked up a new bad habit or something. But, I would really only change if I wanted to.
2006-11-21 04:01:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think in the main you are right. But I think I love someone...I don't want to change him cause I want him to be different...but sometimes he is his own worst enemy and has alienated everyone at his work and done a lot of damage to himself.
I just wish he was a bit more diplomatic with people rather than so forthright in his views, he would not be in the mess he is in now.
So I would like to protect him from himself...its only because I don't want to see him hurt. I would advise him but never force him
2006-11-21 04:15:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It think you can love someone very much, but not love every single thing about them. There are always little annoying things that you accept because you realize no one is perfect, including yourself. I love my boyfriend, but there is one or two little things that I would like to see him change. However, I don't push him to change or harp on him about them because I know I do things that must annoy him. The older I get, the more I realize we are all imperfect and I feel lucky to have found someone who is wonderful.
2006-11-21 03:59:20 · answer #9 · answered by schweetums 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's okay for you to love someone and hate a certain behavior, as long as they know it bothers you. That way you're being honest with each other about how you feel.
You're not asking them to change who they are, just not to do the thing which upsets you.
2006-11-21 03:58:57 · answer #10 · answered by peter n 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋