My girlfriend fustrates me, we come from different backgrounds, and it is long distance. go or give up?

Question

I care deeply for her and she tells me she is completely in love with me. we have been monagamus for 4 years now and we live 2400 miles apart. She is asian and I am white. My biggest trouble is that I havent been able to find the right way to move out there. I have large debt 10k+ and a mortgage. All my family and friends are here. What fustrates me is that when I have my doubts she is not confident enough to support me. I can be confident 98% of the time but during that 2% I need a woman that can be strong and help me through the tough time. Although I disagree with stereotypes my friend says that an asian girl is ultimatly submissive despite any mask they may wear.I care deeply, I really want to find where this will go after a 4 year investment. Am I lieing to myself should I give up because she will never be the woman I need in my life.

care deeply for her and she tells me she is completely in love with me. we have been monagamus for 4 years now and we live 2400 miles apart. we visit each other roughly 3 times a year for a week at a time. She is asian and I am white. My biggest trouble is that I havent been able to find the right way to move out there. I have large debt 10k+ and a mortgage. All my family and friends are here. What fustrates me is that when I have my doubts she is not confident enough to support me. I can be confident 98% of the time but during that 2% I need a woman that can be strong and help me through the tough time. Although I disagree with stereotypes my friend says that an asian girl is ultimatly submissive despite any mask they may wear.I care deeply, I really want to find where this will go after a 4 year investment. Am I lieing to myself should I give up because she will never be the woman I need in my life.

I tried to move out there once even interviewed but they did not offer me enough money. she is still in school. she says that she would come out here but after school. after 4 years of talking every day and seeing each other 4 weeks a year I would hope that she would be comfortable enough to say anything to me..but she is not always.

Answer 1

Ok, the issue here is that the 2% of the time you're not confident, she isn't supportive of you. THAT'S the issue. If your relationship was great, there would be no problems, besides being apart. And yeah, that is a difficult thing to work around...I'm in a long-distance relationship too although the distance is not so great. ANYWAY, you just need to work this one thing out. Unless there is more in your relationship that is causing you to wonder whether you should give up. I can't really understand the breadth of this issue from what you've written here, so I don't really know how to offer advice. My knee-jerk reaction was to say that you shouldn't rely on anyone for your happiness. If you're feeling doubtful and she is too, well, bummer, it's not suddenly her fault that you feel that way. Have you ever NOT been long-distancing? Relationships change when you are together every day and are living together. I don't know, it just doesn't seem like something I'd end a 4-year relationship over. You have some things to work on but...I'm not seeing the huge, catastrophic communication break down that most couples experience that definitely points to ending the relationship.

Answer 2

First off I would like to say I am in a long distance relationship myself and I am here to tell you that you can make it work if you willing, but it will take work I know first hand. You sound as if you confused about whether or not you should continue after four years, if you get a chance to talk to you girlfriend on the phone then maybe that would the best time to tell her how you feel and find out what she might be thinking herself. I don't think it should matter if you come from two different backgrounds as long as you and her have respect for each other, the key is communication, if you don't have that then you have nothing. If you really love this girl want to her to be more confident and dedicated and supportive then you might want to tell her and you guys can work on that if the relationship continues.

Sometimes you friend can give good advice, but sometimes you have to figure out for yourself what you are doing is the best thing and that no matter what anyone else says that you and her can make it work. I know you are familiar with the phrase that Looks can be decieving. Sometimes you can over think something and it can confuse you, I know I have done it myself. Think about this way, if you let her go will you ask yourself did you miss something that could have made it work or if you keep and she is not what you are looking for you will ask yourself what did I do this. I will admit relationship take time and take work, but you or anyone can do it they and their significant other want to make it work. This might something you should think about more, but talk to her will help you figure out answers to some of your questions.

Answer 3

First of all one race doesn't all act that same. That's ignorant.

Long distance relationships are rough. Unless you can live near eachother the chances of it working are very slim and it's unfair for either of you to be in such limbo.

Also, I wonder if she's as gung ho about this as you are. If she's not willing to move her life but your willing to move yours, I'd think twice. What if you move everything and then find out the truth is she just doesn't want to be in a bad relationship.

If your in something bad it doesn't matter how long it has gone on or the investment. If it isnt' meant to be then dont' waste time and move on. Be honest with her and see what she says before you change your whole life for her. Good luck.

Answer 4

That is a hard situation to handle....has she ever considered visiting you or you sending for her to come out to visit you?

If there is absolutely no way for you to go see her after 4 years or her see you. Then I would say that you should look elsewhere; there asian women here in the US that you can contact and start dating and you wouldn't have to suffer the long distance turmoil. But then again you say you have strong feelings for her.......this is a tough decision and after 4years of no advancement from either party....I would say your at a dead end.

Answer 5

Sounds like you love her and presumably its mutual. So now you have a problem and rather like the Sinatra song "somethings gota give". The question is who can manage to move with the least inconvenience. If you are both studying and feel really commited to each other, then one of you will need to consider moving to a new college or university next academic year. If you are working is it not too hard to find a new job for one of you? Then there is a need to examine this possibility too.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

same with me and myman rite now..but we only live a hour apart...and i hate it...i hate seing him on justthe weekends...i want more than that but i cant move away from here and neither will he...i tried to settle for an inbetween town...but he wont go for that either...plus hes got the same debt problem...now i dont know if im lying to myself either..im almost 18 and hes 25...thnx nowi got lots to think bout..hmmm..............

Answer 8

i think you should give it up she lives to far away man you needsomone close my girl is close but still frushtraits me

Answer 9

a long ddistance relationship.have you ever met her?This must be a joke.

Answer 10

dude, just end it. you have no kids together, just end it.