My boss wants an invitation. What should I do?

Question

I didn't invite her to my wedding. I only invited one of my co-workers. The wedding's going to be pretty small (40-50 people), and we're paying for the whole thing ourselves, so cost is definitely an issue. The other issue is that my boss specifically asked that I NOT mention the wedding to the clients. It really bothered me that she said that, especially since that's pretty much the only thing some clients want to talk about (I work at a famously "chatty" gym).

So now the boss is calling my (invited) co-worker to ask if she should have gotten her invitation by now.

How do I deal with this?

I can.....
(A)Invite the boss (and her husband) and
1. Tell her that her invitation must have gotten lost in the mail or
2. Tell her that I invited her because I felt so guilty about it, but that I can't afford it and need a raise

(B)Not invite her and
1. Tell her that since I didn't get a RSVP from her, I assumed she wasn't coming and it's too late to revise the catering numbers
2. Tell her that she wasn't invited because she made it clear that she wasn't comfortable hearing about it
3. Not mention it, and hope she doesn't bring it up
4. Have my co-worker get her off my back somehow
5. Quit my job because I feel so damn guilty about it

I honestly feel bad that she wants to come so much and that I haven't invited her. I also don't want her there because of the nasty comments she's made in the past.

Answer 1

I would tell her no because she said that she was uncomfortable hearing about it. If she asked your co-worker and not you though you can always just not say anything until she asks you. But if she really wants to come then it's probably going to make it crappy in the work place

Answer 2

This is really tough! Personally, I'd just invite the boss, & hope that she gives you a gift that's worth more than her plate lol. If she had not known about the co-worker's invite, you wouldn't have this problem! Unfortunately, she does, & you have to act or deal with hostility later. I had a similar problem, myself. I just invited her, but she had to work lol! I think her not wanting you to mention it is most likely because she knows she may not have been invited. She may also feel threatened by the attention you'll get. Thankfully, my boss was not like that. I got so many wedding gifts from clients, & it was very touching to see how much they cared! Some even came to the church just to be a part of my day (they understood that I could not invite them all). I hope this works out for you! This is your time, don't over stress or over think things. Do not let her ruin this for you! congratulations!!! I hope you have a wonderful wedding day!


The invitation got lost in the mail, along with a few others!

Answer 3

The easiest and least stressful thing to do is to face right up to her and tell her that you weren't aware that she had any interest in your wedding since she didn't like the subject discussed. Then say that it is a very small affair and had you known she would like to be invited, you would have prepared room. You would like her to come and "Maybe the caterer, [hall, reception area, or whatever] could seat ONE more person without too much trouble. Stress one person, and maybe she would decline due to the fact that her hubby wasn't invited. Another scenario, say most of the above, but stress that if there is a cancellation from the guest list, she will be the first. Or just tell her plain and simple, you're sorry, but wasn't aware that she was interested. Happy Wedding to you and don't let any buttholes ruin your day.

Answer 4

I think your boss is being hideously unprofessional by getting your co-worker involved in this issue. I wouldn't say anything unless directly asked by the boss, but if asked I would say that you're keeping the ceremony and reception small and intimate, and have only invited close friends and family, thank her for her interest, and move on. I would tell my co-worker (who is probably very uncomfortable with the boss's questioning as well) to tell the boss if she has a concern with you, to take it up with you, and to refuse to answer any questions that are not directly related to her own work.

Answer 5

You listed a lot of options, but you really only have two:

1. If you want to invite her, approach her and say that your aunt (or friend, cousin, whatever) called you to say that they never received an invitation. You're now not sure that you put on enough postage, since you didn't get the mail weighed and assumed a regular stamp would do it. So you're checking with the people who haven't RSVPd to see if they received their invitation. Did she happen to receive hers okay?

2. If you do not want to invite her, then say nothing. If she approaches you about it, pull a really sad face and say "Oh, I thought I'd told everyone that we're keeping the wedding very small and can't possibly invite everyone we'd have liked to. I'm sorry, but we had to cut out many of our friends and coworkers to make sure that we had space for our family."

Answer 6

a- Accomodate your boss. She will feel offended if you don't and may reflect on your workplace.

b- Tell your coworker to tell your boss that you will be eloping and that a family only small gathering will follow and that you are in such financial distress that unfortunatly you could not afford a big wedding and invite all the special people in your heart.

c. Send her an invitation to the cermony but not the reception.

Good luck

Answer 7

I think your Boss is really stupid for getting your co-worker involved, plus why would she not let you talk about your wedding??? Sounds like your boss is jelous of the wedding and is expecting an invitation but if I were you i would just very subtily mention the fact that the wedding is really small and its family and really really close friends only. Hopefully your boss will understand. --- GOOD LUCK

Answer 8

It's YOUR wedding. Invite whoever you please. If you wanted her there, you'd have sent an invitation. Since she's not saying anything to you, I wouldn't approach her about it. She's told you not to discuss your wedding while you're at work - so follow those instructions. IF she approaches you about it, I'd simply tell her that you're having a small, intimate wedding, and that you aren't inviting many people. The leave it at that. If she gives you too much grief over it, you can always get another job. Jobs come and go, but this is your wedding day.

Answer 9

Well you mentioned she is a woman, right. Just a lycky guess a single one (not yet married). So maybe she is jelous a bit more.

Maybe it is a good choice not to invite her but I have a hunch that she even got some prepearment for your wedding. Now because she sees that she is not going to be invited she is gettin ichy.

Well talk to her on a coffe break, just a formal talk if you see her talking about your wedding a lot, make a consideration to invite her. Maybe it will be in your +.
Anyway you definetly know her better than me so it is your call. This is just maybe.

Answer 10

OKay sounds like you have a jerk for a boss like alot of people do. Me personally i would invite her only because i like to stay on good terms with my my bosses only so that i feel comforatable at work. I hate when im onn bad terms with a boss because it gives me a weird feeling while im working and they are around. It makes me wanna just get on the internet and start posting my resume. Just ask her why she didnt RSVP yet (obviously making it seem like you sent the invite and she didnt get it). Then when she says she didnt get it yet give her one. Ive noticed that just because other people are A holes us normal people dont have to be. Just because you invite her doesnt mean that you have to be her best buddy though...remember that.