i want to be who i was before?

Question

I used to be very funny and friendly to people.But since my father passed away i have lost interest in people and lost self-confidence. And I became more depressed when my girl left me. I want to be my past self. Please help me to get this dark cloud off my mind?

Answer 1

Shoes, you know you are asking for something really impossible - to stay the way you were, always, through out your life, without any change. We all grow, I mean mentally, and along the way we lose a lot of people all at once, or at different stages of our life. It is so sad to remember how we were when all these people were actually present in our lives, and it is so difficult to imagine how it would be without them. I cannot. But then I have to come in terms with it, because death specially is the ultimate truth. You father, ofcourse meant a lot to you, and this is the phase where you are dealing with his loss. It is natural. For you to be funny and friendly will be a very abnormal thing to do. Take it as it comes. Cry if you want to, let things out of you, and start thinking '''now what ?''. You have to start again, this time your dad is not there, but I am sure your dad would not want you grieving all your life. Dont you think ? He would be really really upset to see you this way. Your girl left you ? What are the reasons ? Could it be that you are really going through a difficult phase in life, and perhaps she could not stand with you through this ? Whatever, she may have had her reasons, and then you cannot force anyone, can you ? You can still be funny and freindly, may be not the same as you were before, but by allowing time to heal you, getting yourself to keep going, do things that you are supposed to be doing, like work / study, be with people, do something new, go to a new place for a change, ...Chart out things in your life, in terms of career, your long term goals....keep your mind thinking ''what next'', instead of wallowing yourself in self pity....its absolutely normal for that dark cloud to exist in your mind, but you have to bring in the sunshine yourself, make efforts to, and this phase will pass too. This dark cloud will not stay forever in your mind, can you picture yourself like this when your 40 - 50 ?? I dont think so....so while time does the trick, start new today. Get up, and get going. You will meet someone who is really special, so dont waste time thinking of someone who left you at the lowest low of your life...

good luck

P.S. Feeling greif is normal, and do not confuse it with the actual ''depression'' where you have to resort to medicines, and I am sure you would consult a professional, who will really decide if you do have depression

Answer 2

When darkness befalls us, we are hard pressed to get out of it with ease... The passing of your father , girlfriend leaving are legitamit reason to be down...
I do have a question thou.. When did your father pass on and how long ago did your girlfriend leave?

The answer to this question is vital.. If it has been months , then time will heal . If it has been years, then I would say professional help might be in order..

There are 5 steps to grief that I will copy here from the wikipedia.

The stages are:

Denial - The "This can't be real" stage.: "This is not happening to me." "There must be a mistake"

Anger - The "Why me?" stage.: "How dare you do this to me?!" (either referring to God, the late person, or themselves)

Bargaining - The "If I do this, you’ll do that" stage.: "Just let me live to see my son graduate."

Depression - The "Defeated" stage.: "I can't bear to face going through this, putting my family through this."

Acceptance - The "This is going to happen" stage.: "I'm ready, I don't want to struggle anymore.
"
Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to any form of catastrophic personal loss, such as the death of a loved one, or even divorce. She also claimed these steps do not necessarily come in order, nor are they all experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two.

Others have noticed that any significant personal change can follow these stages. For example, experienced criminal defense attorneys are aware that defendants who are facing stiff sentences, yet have no defenses or mitigating factors to lessen their sentences, often experience the stages. Accordingly, they must get to the acceptance stage before they are prepared to plead guilty.

These steps are not necessarily in numbered order , In other words, A person could skip one and go straight to 3 ...

for Hypothetical reason , lets just say you are on 4 since you are depressed . Then that means , if you follow the order then all you have to do now , is accept, which can be the most difficult one of all of the steps...

I truly feel for your loss and hope that you can make peace within your soul...Until you do, you are going to be stuck . Thats why a professional may be the best answer ,especially if it has been awhile back since this happen ( like 2 years or so)

I can say with all honesty Eventually.


YOU WILL BE YOURSELF AGAIN...:)

Love and Peace to you Joanna

Answer 3

Hi,
It is very normal to feel that way after what you have been though, losing your father, and your girlfriend. I lost a son after he was born and after that it was very difficult to feel good about anything. I waited 4 years to go to therapy, but I am feeling much better now.
Some things that might help are starting to take care of yourself- maybe be a little selfish. Get back some of your control in life. Work out, eat and sleep well. Start to dream of things you do want and not dwell on things you don't want or things you cannot change. You could probably pull yourself out of this with some help- even without medication. But I do advise taking some action in getting some help- I wish I didn't wait so long. You could also go to the library and get some CD books to listen to. Good luck and hang in there! It gets better! Reach out to someone.

Answer 4

in order to take a step back you must accept soem things.

First realize that you stil have memories of your father. These ggod memories can get you through the bad times.

Instead it seems that you are using good memories to make you even more depressed.

Your girl left you..ooooohhhh welll. Just learn for that mistake and know that women come and go.

In order to go back to being your old self you have to accept the changes in your life. Pray about God is listening.

Don't be afraid to open up. You haven't changed you've only succomed to your heartache. Dig deep and pull out who you really are!

Answer 5

Hi!
Best thing i can advise is to try meet new people...go out and do things, and what works for me is to search jokes on the net, read them and have a great laugh, then tell them to the people you know....sooner or later they will start telling you jokes and will make you laugh. Because you will probably find that they are realiseing you arenot yourself, adn what is worde than being around someone when you knwo they are not themselves??

Best of luck man!! And sorry about your dad, i don't know what i would do!

Answer 6

It sounds like you would benefit from antidepressants. If you can't afford a doctor, there are mental health clinics for low income people pretty much everywhere. They usually operate on a sliding scale, just show thwm a paystub.If your broke like me, it shouldn't cost more than $10 to see someone, they will probably give you a free sample of meds, then they will help you apply for patient assistance to get those meds longer.Try it, you'll feel better.

Answer 7

Join a gym and go everyday. I say this because exercise will get the endorphins goin in your brain. If in two weeks that doesn't help, seek professional help. You might need a temporary dose of meds to give you a jump start. Good luck and remember, this down feeling is temporary.

Answer 8

Get some new friends and keep busy . You may be suffering from depression like me . Talk to your Dr. and maybe he can give you some suggestions .

Answer 9

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Answer 10

I think you will find better help from a specialist mental health person instead of asking faceless people on the internet.

Good luck.