when is time to not stand by a family member.?

Question

my sister has been dating this guy for 51/2 years now ,she has cheated on him at least 4 times,racked up three credit cards,spent all of his grandma's inhertence.moved in and out.12 times,lies lies and lies. he keeps trying to make it work for thier 4yr.little girl.now she has it so he can not even go home.i'm sick of her using me to lie.she tells him she at my house.or my moms.i even get calls late at night from friends,they tell me your little sister's in the bar acting slutly.what do do with her.and how do get him to let go for his daughters sake.i know she is still my sister,but he is also my friend,she told i have to chose her or him .but what she does is really wrong in my eyes.what do i do?

Answer 1

You DON"T have to participate in her unfit behavior. Simply tell her that you will not be a party to her infidelity and construct alibi's for her because you don't condone her behavior. Tell her that while you won't call him up and snitch on her ; you will however, NEVER LIE FOR HER AGAIN. You can remind her that her behavior is grounds for him to declare her an unfit mother and she should start making her daughter a priority. She is obviously either an alcoholic or a sex addict. She needs help and enabling her to continue isn't going to help. Your loyalty is to the child. It sounds like she would be better off with her father anyway. Just because you lied in the past it doesn't mean you have to continue. As for your "friends" tell them that you just don't want to hear the negative things about your sister anymore because she is any adult and responsible for her own actions. You are not her PARENT/Keeper. If you want him to let go then give him the AMMUNITION to do so. Remember HE IS your niece's FATHER and as such he needs to be in a healthy position to be the best dad possible. How can he do this if he is hurting and suspicious all the time? Children are barometers for their parents feelings. Help both of them. They deserve it far more than your sister does. Whenever she comes out of her fantasy world she will realize you did the right thing. You will be able to sleep better at night with a clear conscience. Good Luck!

Answer 2

You are enabling her bad behavior. I would tell her that she is my sister and I love her, but to stop using me as her alibi. Tell her the next time she does and he calls to look for her, you're not gong to lie for her anymore. You will tell him that she isn't at your house. Your mother needs to do the same. She's using emotional black mail to make you go along with her. She may stop speaking to you over this or she may come around, but it's not just her anymore, she has a child to be thinking of and doesn't seem too interested in that. Start doing what's in the little girls best interest, not what your sister perceives as her own best interest. It won't be easy, but it is necessary. It's called tough love. Her problems will always be someone else's fault no matter what you say to her. She's never going to grow up if nobody makes her.

Answer 3

I think family is so important more than anything in the world but having said that do not give up on your sister, she needs to learn the value of relationships. If you fall out with her than you may not speak for a long time and you dont want to miss out on your niece growing up do you??? Try having a talk with your sister and explain how her actions are wrong and disrecpectfull to herself and her family. Her partner must love her to stick with her through thich and thin, so i dont think he should be told to leave because he wants to help bring up his daughter and he wants to support his g/f. Your sister may have underlyin problems and thats why shes bring rebellious. Dont split up your family or hers beacuse theirs a 4 yr old child at the centre of this. And remeber whateva your sister does is not your fault, you are not your sister and you cant be blamed for her behave!!!! hope it all works out -x-

Answer 4

Heres the thing "Blood is thicker than water" but you need to go have a talk with your sisters boyfriend and tell your sister you will not lie for her anymore.. And she needs to be honest with her boyfriend if she don't tell her you will.. If something isnt done your sisters behavior could wind her up dead.. The person who will hurt most in the end is the baby...If your sister doesnt want to listen to you talk to a family member about talking to her..

Answer 5

sometimes you have to practice "tough love". Help the boyfriend and the daughter and tell the sister that she needs to get her act together. You all love her but for the best interest of her and her child she needs to realize what she is doing to everyone around her. How she is hurting every relationship and that she has to get it together. you are going to be there for her when she decides to take the step to get her life in order but until then your first concern is for the child who cannot help herself

Answer 6

My sister in regulation brother in regulation and mom in regulation. Sister in regulation: lies and lies and lies, she has performed each thing you have and greater , yet she has no info. She has such diverse illnesses and cancers its a miracle that she will nonetheless walk, She consistently have a episode with one in all her illnesses yet no person is ever around to confirm it. Brother in regulation is to blind to confirm the real her. 2nd brother in regulation: he's likewise greater valuable then everybody (he isn't the ideal one thats spouse is a splash loopy) he forces his relegion down on every person. He informed me as quickly as that my childrens will bypass to hell simply by fact they at the instant are not in sunday college. He even tried to rigidity his grandmother to alter her will , he basically visits as quickly as a 300 and sixty 5 days for an hour. he's this variety of a##. mom in regulation, what a bi## she have been given thousands and thousands while her husband gave up the ghost, she does not even help her center son while that they had hardship, she did say to him that if he asked she would be in a position to purchase him a mouldy loaf of bread. She has the three sons she wont help anybody settle for the single that thinks his god, I dont like all of them, she have been given me so offended at some point that i by utilising twist of destiny very just about ran her over with my automobile, yet i neglected as i'm unlikely to decrease to rubble my autos mags for that old fart.

Answer 7

Wrong. She is. But the way she runs her life is her business. So let her run it on her own. & dont spill the beans on your sister to her boyfriend unless if you you want him for yourself. Which is bad. Now tell your sister to find another way to lie to her boyfriend, not to involve family in her lies anymore. & if firm she ll realise its time she stoped lying coz she ll have noone to her rescue. she ll know she ll get caught and ll stop if she wants to stay in the relationship. If she continues then am sure even the man if he sensible enough ll find out for himself that she doent love him. & ll know what to do hmself. No need to tell him.

Answer 8

Whoever mentioned that "blood is thicker than water" cr@p hasn't met my brother ... the @ssmunch!! Tell your sister you ain't putting up with her sh!t any more, and if she makes you choose between her or him, pick him. Let her know her behavior is unacceptable and you won't have anything to do with her until she changes how she behaves.

Answer 9

When you decide that their behavior or actions conflict with your moral integrity.. Sounds to me this sister of yours fits the bill.. No matter what you decide in this case remember to try to keep the child's best interests in mind..

Answer 10

You can still stand by her, without sanctioning her evil ways.If you abandon her now, she may even become worse than she is at the present time.