My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months. We've had a bit of a whirlwind romance, he proposed to me very early on in our relationship and discussed living together etc. He couldn't bear to spend a night apart... to begin with. Now, although we still spend most evenings together I get the impression he is cooling towards me as our weekends together have become non existent - last weekend he avoided my calls and texts. So, I suggested we spend less time together - in case he feels I am taking up too much time of his - he doesn't want this! I ask him if he wants to split up - he says he loves me and doesn't want us to end. Now I'm starting to sound like the nagging girlfriend - but he's confusing me so much! I do love him to bits but I don't know where I am with him.
2006-11-20 23:52:28 · 19 answers · asked by emma j 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Yes, he probably has someone else - sorry
2006-11-20 23:54:41 · answer #1 · answered by funkysuze 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Hey...
I'm going through something similar but i've been with my bf for 3years!!
Anyway... i know it's the hardest thing in the world to do... but just let him have some space. Maybe things got a bit too much for him and he feels he needs some time away from the relationship/you. It's really hard to explain that to your heart and dont i know it! However, as the famous saying goes: "Absense makes the heart grow fonder"... maybe this will lead to a new bond between the two of you....
Whereas a relationship shouldn't really be the be all and end all of your life, it's important the both of you have time apart and do the things you usually do.. without feeling obligated to spend time with each other every weekend or how often it happens. I don't know if that really makes much sense... but i guess what i'm trying to say is that both of you should have a life outside the relationship and perhaps in the last 4months, because you've spent soo much time together and planning for the future (is that really a good thing so early on?), it's now time to go on and leave the honey-moon period behind.... as they say, there's always passion at the start of a relationship but once that fades away, there should be something else to take it's place.... and if there isn't then i guess you have a problem!!
Hope this helps.... wish you all the best! x
2006-11-21 10:54:54 · answer #2 · answered by gorgeous_ami 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK I am playing the devils advocate maybe there is other person involved also it sounds as if you have not had time to enjoy the honeymoon period let alone get to know each other and find out the differences you might have.
You need to reestablished your independence maybe by spending less time together if you have neglected various friends get back together as friends are very important in relationship's.
He sounds as if he is not clear about what he wants and normally if a guy avoids calls and text there is a reason.
It might be hard but you should take the initiative talking seems to have gone round in a circle and there is no clear message from him maybe mention a split for a while and see the reaction.
If you continue to hound him it will make things worse ease off and you might get the answer, play him at his own game for a while maybe do not be so available you might have other things you would like to do.
What ever your decision good luck and if things do not work out there are other people around.
2006-11-21 08:30:47 · answer #3 · answered by rachelsweet2001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should give it a few weeks to let things settle down and see how they 'pan out'. Don't pester him and keep texting him. However, after a while, if you text him for a genuine reason and he blanks you then you must take it up with him and say that it is not fair of him to blank you and that it is hurtful. I think you should listen to your instincts about him cooling it. Why don't you start seeing more of your friends and seem a little less interested? Don't seem so insecure. I know how you are feeling as I have been there believe me and it seems to me the men do all the whirlwind stuff soon run out of puff when they realise they have captured your heart. Being insecure and clingy is a real big no no though. I think you really should just hold your head up and show the 'you haven't got me yet' attitude. Please don't rush into anything with this guy as if he really loves you he will feel the same about you in a years time, 2 years time, 10 years time. I hope it all works out for you. Take care x
2006-11-21 07:59:50 · answer #4 · answered by bluegizmored 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look the infatuation that your "so called" boyfriend is over. Normally this is what happens when people feel like it is time for them to move on. I have seen these silly little games by men and women so much in my life it is so unbelievable. Why in the world can't people just sit down and say "I think we both should go our seperate ways". This is what he is trying to tell you in a very nice way. Usually when people quit being together and communication is almost non existent it is time for both parties to move on. Really your boyfriend is a "player". OK, so the next time you hear people talk about "games" you know first hand what they are talking about. I'm sure you probably have done the same thing before. Anyway move on and find someone else. In your next relationship get to know that person really well, but take it really slow. A lot of men and women just look at an outward appearance and they do not really get to know the other person. I think if you take this advice in your next relationship you will do a lot better.
2006-11-21 08:01:51 · answer #5 · answered by Rooster 1972 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, confusing messages or what?! The only thing I can think of is to not get in contact with him... I know it may be hard but if you think about it... if he loves you as much as he says he does then he will come running after you instead of the other way round. I think that being you have only been together for 4 months, you shouldn't have been talking about engagement or living together... I also think that your not being a nagging gf you just want to know where you stand... which is understandable.
Don't call or text him and let him come to you... If he wants to be with you - you will soon know... or as the case may be not know...
Good luck :-)
2006-11-21 07:56:48 · answer #6 · answered by brumbeep 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm. Not spending any weekends together? Avoiding your calls? Just spending time together in the week? Hmmmm. I'd be curious too. What has he been up to at weekends and have you replied to his proposal?
2006-11-21 08:02:27 · answer #7 · answered by MI5 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's just now getting to know you, so he's not sure what he wants.
Early in your relationship, he was in love with the idea of being in love. He loved the idea of recognizing "the one" right away, so he proposed to you before he really got to know you.
Now that he's finding out that the real you isn't the same as the imaginary "you" he conjured up at the beginning, he's not sure how he feels.
2006-11-21 08:03:00 · answer #8 · answered by liz_in_adam 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex was like that. He ended it out of the blue one day, we spent 3 weeks apart and he said that he missed me like crazy and we got back together, only to break up again a month later.
2006-11-21 08:05:03 · answer #9 · answered by Skippy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you want to be with him and why is it so important that he spend every weekend with you? Don't you have other interests/friends/hobbies? Let things ride...if you get tired of him, tell him so, but why end it because you aren't in his face every 5 minutes of the day?
2006-11-21 07:55:38 · answer #10 · answered by wetdreamdiver 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he probably wants to go out on the tear with his mates, does'nt mean hes cheating on you just needs his bloke time. he should'nt be avoiding or ignoring your calls and texts but maybe feels you are going to henpeck him and he needs space. ask him straight "whats up". demand an answer.but don't be a ball buster he would'nt have the right to dictate to you if you can go out or not.
2006-11-21 08:49:56 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋