Noah's ark the real story?

Question

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am commanding you to build an Ark." And in a flash of lightning, He delivered the specifications for an Ark.

"Okay," said Noah, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints. Six months passed, the skies clouded up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that there was no Ark.

"Noah," shouted the Lord, "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction project, and your plans didn't meet code. So I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans."

"Then I got into a big fight over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system. "

"Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission."

"Then I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl. I had to convince the U.S. Fish and Wildlife that I need the wood to save the owls. But they wouldn't let me catch any owls. So, no owls."

"The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now we have sixteen carpenters going on the boat, and still no owls."

"Just when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being."

"Then the Army Corp of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe. The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country."

"I really don't think I can finish the Ark for at least another five years," The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled.

"You mean you're not going to destroy the earth?" Noah asked hopefully.

"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has."

Answer 1

Hahahaha,,, hey that is just about the truth ...... i agree

thanks for sharing this one!!! real good....

good luck

Answer 2

Because of the historical context. It was first written at the end of the ice age and much of the water was melting and causing floods. Most cultures from that time have stories like this one. The story was written because the flood waters were getting higher and higher and no one knew why. It was because of melting ice caps though. So the story is real, just some details were exaggerated. but it can be understood when looking into historical context

Answer 3

Wonderful!

Answer 4

I have only one complaint in your story,
It did not include the people of my trade, The real estate agents.
I fell you , God and Noah are all biased against us,
Further more had I been there then I could have even sued Noah for not hiring us to find proper dry docks.
And I dont like your flamboyant attitude either.
Did u copy write your story, ?
No? Great, then It was written By "ME"
and this a true patent, No ISPN1298543... henceforth you shall quote me whenever you tell your story, Saying, "quote. letthefunbegin" and then your text...................................
Happy narration.

Answer 5

Who needs divine intervention when we have the government ?

Answer 6

that is like so true dude its a shame though isnt it?

Answer 7

keep up the good work

Answer 8

LMAO that is definitely true!

Answer 9

LOL, that was good as well as true!

Answer 10

MAN!